Chapter 21
21
E llen stood on the steps and stared at Travis. He smiled at her, but then, as he read the note, his smile had faded and something that looked suspiciously like panic took over his features.
He seemed to have gotten himself a little bit together when he lifted his eyes.
“I thought I heard a vehicle earlier. But I didn’t see it. I didn’t realize he was sitting here until I looked out the window and saw you, and came to the door to greet you.”
She nodded. He didn’t seem to be done, and so she didn’t say anything. She felt, rather than saw, Alaska come up behind her, and stand just to her side.
“This letter says that I’m his father. I promise you, it’s not true.”
She stared at him. This was the second child that had been dropped off at his house. But Travis was supposed to be the father of this one.
She felt something hard form in her stomach. It was heavy and hurt.
“It says you’re the dad?”
“I’m telling you, it’s not true.”
She believed him. She had to. She didn’t even need to look down at the child, see his bright blue eyes, and blonde hair, and know he didn’t look anything like Travis, to believe that the kid wasn’t his.
Travis had been faithful. He said he had, and he didn’t lie. Ever.
“I believe you,” she said simply.
He closed his eyes, as the breath blew out of him.
It surprised her that he’d been worried that she might not believe him. But that’s what it looked like.
“Ellen, I promise you it’s not true,” he said again, standing and coming down the stairs.
He didn’t stop until his arms were around her, and he took the car carrier from her hands, as he pulled her close.
“I believe you,” she said simply, and again.
“If you’re not the dad, why did the letter say you were?” Alaska asked, and while Ellen wanted to pull closer, lift her head and touch her lips to Travis’s, she pulled back instead.
“Why did you say that the father of your baby was Roger, when it wasn’t?”
Alaska didn’t need to say anything more. It was funny that she’d even asked to begin with, since she’d done the exact same thing. Obviously she did it to force Travis to take the child. Because she wanted something better for her child than what she could provide for it.
“You’ve met Alice’s mom, her name is Alaska,” Ellen said, as she put an arm around Travis’s waist, and he put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him. She loved the way he felt, solid and strong beside her.
“Good to meet you,” Travis said, but his words sounded guarded, like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
She couldn’t blame him, since it seemed like he’d had a lot of things dropping in his life lately.
“Is the man coming back?” a little voice asked, one that trembled, and sounded like it was close to tears.
“His name’s Eugene,” Travis said.
Ellen dropped to her knees. “Hi Eugene. I’m Ellen.”
“I’m scared,” Eugene said, and he stopped trying not to cry.
All three adults froze for an instant. Before Ellen could reach out to Eugene, Alaska had wrapped her arms around the little boy.
He didn’t necessarily come willingly; he wanted his mom. But, he allowed her to take him, and fold him into her embrace.
Ellen watched, her heart cracking. Alaska had so many issues of her own. They hadn’t even gotten into those in the car, but just counting the ones Ellen knew about. Whatever caused her to give up her own baby to begin with. Maybe that was what made her reach out for Eugene. Because she could relate to a mom who felt like they couldn’t take care of their child.
She bit her lips, and looked at Travis. He had an expression on his face that she couldn’t read. It was a little bit of tenderness, maybe a little frustration too. And she could understand that. It felt like sin messed everything up. It was frustrating when people made bad choices, and children suffered because of it.
“I need to go back to the farm. I haven’t fed my cows today, and I need to take care of my dogs as well.” She spoke quietly to Travis and he nodded.
“Do you mind if I come along?”
“I’d love it.”
Eugene was still crying, but his cries weren’t quite as loud as they had been when he started out.
“Ellen and I are going to head out for a bit.” Travis spoke. Alaska’s head came up, and she nodded as she looked at him, never letting go of the little boy who clung to her now. “I’ll take the kids…or at least take Eugene if you want to spend some time with Alice.”
“I’ll keep them both.” Alaska’s voice held determination.
Ellen and Travis looked at each other. She could keep Alice for sure; the baby was hers. And she didn’t seem to want to let go of Eugene. Travis lifted her brows, as though asking her if it was okay with her to leave them with Alaska. She shrugged and nodded.
“I cracked some eggs, and they’re on the counter. If you want to cook them, you’re welcome to. There’s bacon in the fridge.”
He hadn’t walked away from the carseat, and Ellen could see his struggle as he looked down at the baby. He had fallen head over heels in love with her, and having Alaska come back was going to be hard for him. Especially if she wanted her child back. But how could they not let her go?
Ellen almost laughed because her concern had been for Travis, but the idea of Alice being taken away was almost more than she could handle. She loved the baby, too.
“I’ll be here when you get back,” Alaska said, and her chin came up. Ellen recognized that look easily. It was a look of someone who was going to keep going, even though they felt like quitting.
“Alice is probably going to be hungry soon,” Ellen offered. “I had her for two hours and she hasn’t eaten the whole time.” Ellen looked down at the baby whose big eyes were blinking as she stared out at the adults surrounding her.
She wiggled a bit, as her hands moved jerkily in front of her face.
Ellen’s heart squeezed. She was so precious.
Precious life, created in the image of God, who needed a mom and a dad to love her and raise her and provide a stable home for her, a place of refuge, a place where she learned all that she needed to know in order to move through life. To handle what life held out for her, to handle what life threw at her.
Alaska stood, holding Eugene in her arms.
“I can carry the baby in for you,” Travis said, his face unsmiling.
Ellen didn’t have a problem reading what was on it. He was reluctant, but resigned. Alaska nodded, and Ellen waited while he disappeared into the house. She was reluctant, yet resigned as well. And even though she knew that if Alaska came back and wanted her baby, it was for the best, it still hurt.
She could only imagine what it was doing to Travis. He had been on board from the beginning, had risen to the challenge without complaint. Ellen had helped, but she hadn’t thought from the beginning that the baby was going to be hers. At first she thought she was going to be finding a nanny for it.
That hadn’t happened.
And she assumed, after what had transpired between Travis and her, that…that wouldn’t be necessary? She wasn’t sure. Maybe they should talk about it. She didn’t know how quickly he was going to want to move. As for her, she felt like she’d been waiting forever, and wanted to take the next step immediately. But, that didn’t necessarily adhere to the world’s idea of wisdom, and she knew Travis would rather do things right than do things fast. After all, it had taken him eight years to finally tell her that he loved her.
Then too, there was also the fact that Travis could relate to being abandoned and neglected as a child. That would affect the way he treated the children that had landed at his doorstep, but it might also affect the way they moved in their relationship. It might be hard for him to trust that she wouldn’t leave him. That she meant what she said when she said she loved him.
Of course, he might also be concerned that she didn’t really believe that the child wasn’t his. After all, if the note declared that he was the dad, most people would believe it.
“Are you ready?” he said as he came out the door. His voice was heavy with sorrow and concern.
“I think it will do us good to get away. Were you able to get some rest?”
He nodded. “I woke up in a panic, because I forgot that you had taken the baby.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. It’s fine. I’m glad. But, you know how you’re in a deep sleep and all of the sudden you think you might’ve missed something that you were supposed to be responsible for.”
“Yeah.” They went down the steps together, Chewy at her heels and as they walked the short distance to his truck, he took her hand.
Their fingers slid together, and he squeezed. She looked up, and he was looking down at her, a serious expression on his face.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he said simply.
She knew exactly what he was saying. She probably wanted it for just as long, if not longer. After all, she was crushing on him when he was crushing on Shanna.
Thinking of Shanna made her eyes rove over his face. Most of the bruises had disappeared, the scab had fallen off. There was a small scar where his face had been cut, but she bet that it would heal over eventually. His stubble mostly hid it, anyway.
“You healed up well.”
“I’m baring my heart to her, and all she can think of is the guy who hit me.”
She smiled, knowing he was teasing her. “I was thinking of your face, not of Chalmer. I actually haven’t seen him since that night.”
“Me, either. But I have a feeling I’ll be seeing him again. Maybe in some back alley some dark night he thinks he can get a jump on me.”
She was silent. That sounded like something Chalmer would do. It made her a little scared for him. She didn’t believe in going around, living life with fear, but she also believed that it was wise to take precautions and being careful.
“I can see that happening. I…hope you are careful.”
“Of course.” He gave her a grin that said that his idea of being careful was probably not the same as hers.
But she wasn’t going to give him a hard time about it. There really wasn’t a whole lot she could say beyond that, and he most likely wasn’t going to listen to her anymore than what he already did.
“I called your uncle this morning.”
“Oh?” she said, as he walked to her side of the truck, and opened the door for her.
It was an unexpected courtesy which made her smile, as she lifted her face to his.
“Thank you,” she said, her hand on the door, although there was something on his face that made her stop.
“My pleasure,” he said. His words sounded distracted.
They stood there for a moment, before he murmured, “I guess I didn’t get to kiss you good morning. I spent a lot of time thinking about our last kiss. It was…better than all the ones I had dreamed about.”
Her fingertips tingled, and her toes curled. Just the idea that he dreamed about kissing her. Not like she hadn’t spent more time dreaming about his kiss.
“Same,” she said, rather than arguing about who had spent more time thinking about kissing who. “Maybe I need another one to compare it to. Just in case I’m remembering wrong,” she said, knowing it was a flimsy excuse, but wanting him to kiss her again.
“If you want me to kiss you, you should just say, ‘Travis, kiss me please.’ It’s not like it would be a hardship.”
“Travis, kiss me please.” She couldn’t help smiling, as her hand landed on his chest, and she leaned forward.
“I was just thinking that I shouldn’t kiss you again until I’ve gotten your uncle’s permission. I’m a little nervous.”
“My uncle’s permission to kiss me?” she said, backing up just a bit. That was interesting.
“You know. When the man asks the father for permission to marry his daughter.”
“You want to get married?” she breathed out, her words barely making a sound.
“Is that crazy?”
“...I guess not. It’s what I want, but… I thought it might take you a while to come around to that, since it took you eight years to get around to telling me that you loved me.”
“You were too young. I wanted to tell you a long time ago.” He seemed concerned that she might have thought that he delayed on purpose. Or delayed because he wasn’t sure.
“Why are you nervous? You know my uncle loves you. He thinks you’re amazing.”
“Really? He knows what I was. He knows where I came from. He might not think I’m good enough for you. I don’t think I’m good enough for you.”
“I think where you came from makes it even more amazing to see where you are now. And, my uncle might not agree, but I feel like I’m not good enough for you. You have become successful, you’ve traveled the world, you’ve amassed a lot of business skills and ability and you’ve invested in our town. I’m still a small time farmer, with my cows and my dogs and not much else.”
“Maybe that doesn’t look successful in the eyes of the world, but you’ve been a faithful friend. That’s worth more than all the money in the world. I ought to know. If it were possible to buy friendship, I could afford to.”
She didn’t say anything, because he was right. Friendship was something that couldn’t be bought. Loyalty, trust, and support. She couldn’t pay a person to do that; they had to do it of their own free will.
“Are you telling me that I just asked you to kiss me, because you told me to. And now you’re not going to because you’re waiting for Uncle Tadgh to give permission?”
The serious look of his face was marred a little as his lips curved up. “That doesn’t seem like a very nice thing to do, doesn’t it?”
“No, it doesn’t,” she said, affecting a bit of a hurt tone.
“Then I guess you have to kiss me. That way if anyone asks, I can say that I was blindsided, you wrapped your arms around me and kissed me before I could know what was happening.” His smile turned up even more. “Of course, if I end up pulling you closer, and kissing you back, I guess there’s really no excuse for that, is there?”
“Maybe we’ll just have to see if you can resist my charms,” she said, blinking her eyes and realizing she was flirting.
“I can’t say that I’m going to put too much effort into that,” Travis murmured as she came closer, and he lowered his head so she could reach.
Their lips met, and she realized she had been remembering the first kiss incorrectly. Or perhaps, they’d gotten better with practice, since the second kiss was far, far better.