Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
Carina
I closed my door, flicked the lock, and spun around, the tears flowing as I sank to the floor.
The man I’d fallen hopelessly in love with wasn’t the man of my dreams.
Children were something I couldn’t compromise on. I’d wanted to be a wife and mom since I was a little girl, and it was something I very much still wanted. How could I give that up?
Nor should I have to.
I cried myself to sleep. I shouldn’t have let things move so quickly without learning everything about him first. How could love happen in the blink of an eye with so much to still learn about the other person?
The next day, with bloodshot eyes, a messy bun, and a swollen face, I dragged myself into the garden center.
“Are you okay, honey? Bad night?” My father, Greg, came up beside me and offered a hug. A gentle soul, so patient and caring, my mother’s feistiness never slowing him down. I strived to be more like him, but my loudmouth often got me in more trouble than it was worth.
“Yeah, something like that.” I leaned my head on his shoulder.
“If you want to talk about anything, I’m here.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
I kept to myself the rest of the day, ignoring Lucian’s endless badgering, Journey’s curiosity, and Mom’s worriedness. Hudson didn’t come by in the morning for his usual order, and not seeing him made me sick to my stomach. He always came, at least once a day, if not more.
It was all my fault.
“C’mon, sis. What happened? You look like death, and Hudson hasn’t come in all day.”
“Nothing. I told you that at lunch.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Okay.” I shrugged and focused on watering my plants. At least they kept quiet and didn’t nag me.
“Carina, nothing is solved by holding it inside. When you’re ready, come talk to me. But if he broke your heart, I’m going to beat his ass.”
I chuckled, the first hint of a smile all day. “He didn’t.”
“Okay, if you say so.” Journey smiled, empathy radiating off her. She turned to go, but I grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a hug.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I know how you feel.”
“I know. I know you do.”
Later that afternoon, I drove home from work, bummed Hudson never came in and dreading my long night of loneliness ahead. Before Hudson, it wouldn’t have bothered me, a quiet night in with Sunny or my sister or brother stopping by for a quick visit.
But now…now it was like a piece of me was missing. A hole that grew bigger all day until nothing but an empty shell was left.
More tears, tears I’d held in all day, poured down my cheeks, hot and furious.
When I pulled into my driveway, my empty, quiet cottage seemed cold, and I debated leaving, hiding out in my parents’ finished basement, or bugging Journey or Lucian.
But the thought of questions kept me here along with the thought of sliding into my pj’s and climbing into bed.
Sunny greeted me at the door, and I lifted him into my arms and snuggled him close, his purrs loud. “Hi, buddy. You ready to eat and then cuddle?”
I fed us both some dinner—him a can of cat chow and me a tasteless TV dinner I barely picked at.
When I couldn’t stand to look at it anymore, I threw it in the trash and made my way upstairs and into my bedroom.
I changed into my pj’s, closed my blinds and curtains, and climbed into bed, pulling the covers over my head.
Sunny joined me minutes later, meowing until I let him slip beneath the covers. I cried softly into his fur, the pain in my heart like a knife that kept twisting in deeper.
I drifted between fits of sleep and crying when a chime sounded through the house, a distant ring in my dreams.
But it came again and again, followed by a loud knock. I groaned and pulled the covers off, wiping my face with the back of my pj sleeve, not bothering to find a tissue.
The ringing continued and another knock. Jeez, have some patience. It must be Journey. That girl couldn’t wait longer than a second for anything.
I grabbed my robe from the edge of my bed and slipped it on before making my way downstairs.
More loud knocks and rings went straight through my pounding head.
“Alright, alright, I’m coming. I told you, Journey, I was fine.
I was in bed. You didn’t need—” But when I opened the door, it wasn’t Journey standing on my front porch.
It was Hudson.
“Hi.” His voice was hesitant, unsure. My heart cracked. “Can we talk?”
“I’m sorry, Hudson, right now is not a good time.” I patted my hair, the thought of what I probably looked like making me cringe inside.
“Please, Carina. Just give me a few minutes, please.”
“You didn’t think to come by the garden center today?” A spark of anger burst through my veins.
“I wanted to. But I’d rather talk in private. Your family—”
“I know.” I cut him off. “My family is a pain. You’ve made yourself clear.”
Hudson shook his head. “That’s not what I meant.”
I swiped at my face with my hands as the tears began again. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
He reached out and took my hands in his.
“I couldn’t work today. I could barely focus, haven’t slept a wink, nor have I eaten.
I spent the day in bed, because that’s the only place I want to be if you’re not in my life.
I’m sorry for what I said. There’re things I need to work through.
But that’s not on you. That’s on me. I love you, Carina, and if you want kids, then I want them too.
All I ask is for one dog.” He smiled, released one of my hands, and wiped my tears away with his thumb.
“And considering how cute Sunny is, I wouldn’t mind a couple of cats. ”
I cried harder. “Oh, Hudson. I can’t ask you to change yourself for me. I can’t, and I won’t. And you shouldn’t either.”
“I’m not changing myself. Was I unsure about having kids?
Yes. But they were never completely out of the question.
And with the right person, I think I’d be an amazing dad.
Just like you’d be an amazing mom, the only mom I’d want my kids to have.
But there’s plenty of time for all that in the future.
For now, we can enjoy each other. There’s no rush.
You’re my perfect person, wildflower. I’ll spend every day going forward showing you just how special you are. ”
His words healed my wounded heart, and a sob broke free from my chest, the last of my sad tears sliding down my cheeks.
I placed my hands on his chest and lifted myself onto my toes.
“Are you sure?” I searched his eyes, afraid yet knowing at the same time that he was it. He was my person. Now and for always.
“Never been more sure in my life. Now enough words, more action.” His mouth swooped down onto mine, and his kiss propelled me into another world, the only world I wanted to be in—his.