Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Theo stared down at the engine in front of him, hardly seeing it.
His mind seemed to be caught in a maze, and every time he tried to turn a corner, he saw Michelle in front of him again.
On the one hand, it wasn’t so bad, thinking about Michelle so much.
She gave him butterflies, and part of him wanted to think about her.
On the other hand, he had no idea what was going to happen with him and Michelle, and that uncertainty was stressing him out.
He was also so distracted that he was hardly getting anything done at the auto shop, and that was obviously far from ideal.
I feel so awkward about that kiss, he thought, shutting his eyes for a moment and replaying the kiss in his head for the thousandth time. I don’t regret it—I mean, how could I? It was incredible. But she rushed off so fast afterward, and I think that probably means that she didn’t really like it.
He sighed and went back to trying to work on the engine.
The reality was that his feelings for Michelle had been growing ever since she’d moved back to Coral Sands, but he wasn’t sure how to tell her how he felt.
He’d thought the kiss would make things clear, but he felt more confused about her feelings than ever.
During the kiss, it had seemed like she was into it.
Then she’d laughed, and he’d had no idea how to interpret that.
Like, was she laughing because she thought it was weird and awkward, or was she laughing because she was happy?
The way she’d run off had been the most troubling thing of all for him.
Surely if she’d liked the fact that he’d kissed her, she wouldn’t have rushed off like that, right?
He grimaced, wondering how she was going to behave when he saw her again. He’d been avoiding her ever since the kiss. He knew he would be hurt if she went right back to being snippy and sassy with him, acting as though the kiss had never happened and she never wanted it to happen again.
I could very well get hurt, he thought as he wrestled with part of the engine.
My heart is in a precarious place right now whether I like it or not.
I do have feelings for her, and I have no idea how she feels.
There’s a good chance that she doesn’t feel the same way, and I’m going to have to just deal with the blow of that, pick myself up, and try to move on.
“Hey, Theo!”
Theo looked up, blinking. Tony, one of the other mechanics, was watching him and shaking his head.
“Dude, why are you putting that back together when you haven’t fixed it yet?”
Theo looked down at the engine, his eyes widening. “I didn’t? Wow. Okay, you’re right, Tony. I would have realized it myself in a second or two, but thanks for catching it early.”
“Are you okay?” Tony took a few steps closer to Theo, looking concerned. “You seem really distracted.”
“I am.” Theo groaned. “I hardly have my head on straight today.”
“Why don’t you take a break? I just finished the brakes on that SUV. I can take over here. You don’t want to mess something up that might become a safety issue.”
“You’re right.” Theo sighed. “I’ll go for a walk, I think. Try to clear my head. I would have realized my mistake in a second, I promise, but I’m pretty useless right now so I might as well take a break.”
“I know, I get it. Everyone has off days.” Tony clapped Theo on the back. “Go take a walk.”
Theo put on his coat and hat and stepped out of the garage.
It was a sunny day, but still bitingly cold.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he began to stroll down the sidewalk.
He turned the situation with Michelle over and over in his mind as he walked, but he knew he wasn’t going to make any progress unless he actually talked to her.
But not yet, he thought, feeling his stomach churn with anxiety. After all, maybe she doesn’t even know how she feels about the kiss. Maybe she needs more time to think about it.
It was so cold that after a few minutes, he decided to duck into Townsend’s Bakery to get warm. His stomach grumbled, and he decided that buying a pastry was a good idea as well. He pulled open the front door of the bakery, which caused the overhead bells to jangle cheerfully.
He’d just taken two steps into the cozy little establishment when he saw Michelle sitting at one of the tables by the window.
She was sipping a cup of coffee, and there was a half-eaten cheese Danish on a plate in front of her.
She was writing things down in a notebook and she had her laptop open in front of her, and she seemed to be doing bookwork for the hotel.
He froze, and his first instinct was to simply turn around and leave the bakery before she saw him so that he wouldn’t have to go over and talk to her. His hands became damp with sweat despite the fact that his body was still cold.
He was just about to turn around and leave when she looked up and made direct eye contact with him. Neither of them moved an inch for several heartbeats as they blinked at each other.
Well now she’s seen me, he thought, swallowing. I might as well go over there.
Feeling his heart thumping in his chest, he made his way over to Michelle.
She offered him a tentative smile, but rather than reassure him, it made his heart sink.
Her smile looked like it belonged to the friend zone, not the romance zone.
She almost looked like she felt sorry for him, and he hoped with all his might that he was interpreting her facial expressions the wrong way.
“You want to sit down?” Michelle asked him.
“Sure.” He cleared his throat and sat down in the narrow white chair across from hers. For a second, he tried to think of something to say. It seemed clear they needed to discuss their kiss the night before, but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up.
Thankfully, Michelle brought it up for him. “So,” she said slowly. “You kissed me.”
Theo cleared his throat again. “Uh, yeah. I did.”
She watched his face carefully, and he couldn’t read her expression. She looked wary, almost nervous. “Can I ask why? Like was it just a random thing, or…”
Theo shook his head. “Not random, definitely not.” He took a deep breath.
As nervous as he felt, he was determined to be brave enough to finally tell her how he felt.
“The truth is, I’ve had a crush on you for a long time.
I thought you were fun to tease when we were kids, but whenever you visited here in high school, I would develop a bigger and bigger crush on you.
I know I kept teasing you, and you probably thought I was the most annoying guy on the planet, but I always thought you were the smartest and funniest girl around. ” He swallowed. “And I still do.”
Michelle blinked at him, her expression totally unreadable.
Theo’s emotions went up and down on a rollercoaster as he stared at her.
One second, he was sure her wide eyes meant that she was about to politely but firmly tell him she would never feel the same way toward him.
The next second, he thought he saw a glint in her eyes that hadn’t been there before and he dared to hope that she did feel the same way, at least a little bit.
“I, um, I don’t really know what to say,” Michelle said slowly, and Theo’s heart sank all the way down to his boots.
“I have felt… um, confused about how I feel about you for a while now.” Theo’s heart rose a little again, like a balloon that still held a tiny bit of helium.
“My fondness for you has been growing for a while now, and I do really like seeing you. I love it when we bump into each other, and you make me laugh, and I know I don’t come out and admit it, but your band really is amazing and I love watching you play. ”
Theo froze, holding his breath as he listened to her say her next words.
“But I don’t really know how I feel,” Michelle said. “I feel like I’m moving forward in the dark, kind of. I know I’m fond of you, and I feel weird around you, but I don’t really know what it means yet. I think my heart will tell me eventually, but right now, I don’t know.”
Theo nodded. He felt both incredibly disappointed and incredibly relieved at the same time. She hadn’t told him that she felt the same way, but it was possible that someday she would.
Michelle cleared her throat, looking down at her coffee cup and swirling the coffee around inside of it. “So, um, yeah. I guess I don’t really know what to say.”
“That’s okay.” Theo felt as though he was all limbs. He didn’t know what to say either. “So, I guess the question is, now what?”
“Like how do we move forward from here?”
Theo nodded. “Do we act like we never had this conversation?”
She shook her head. “No, I mean obviously, we’ve had the conversation. I think we can at least be better friends for now. We’ll just stick with that and not let this conversation make things too weird between us.”
“Sounds good.” Theo forced a smile.
His head filled with a million questions, but he didn’t want to ask her any of them.
It sounded like she wouldn’t know the answer to any of them anyway.
The question on the very tip of his tongue was, “Did you like it when I kissed you?” but he felt that would be too invasive of a question.
Besides, liking a kiss didn’t equate to wanting to date someone.
Did he want to date her? He’d never fully formed the question in his mind before. He knew he liked her, but did he actually want to be in a relationship with her?
Yes. Yes, he definitely did.
Would she ever feel the same way?
“Well, I’ll get out of your hair,” Theo said, smiling at her. He stood up, wanting to leave as soon as possible and hating the idea of walking away from her at the same time. Part of him would have been content to just sit there and watch her work for an hour or more. “See you around, Michelle.”
“See you around, Theo.” Her eyes were so wide as she looked up at him that for a moment, he thought she was going to ask him another question.
She didn’t, however, and he gave her another smile and left the bakery.
The cold winter air rushed against his cheeks as he walked down the sidewalk, and he felt a flutter of disappointment.
Although he was glad that he’d had a chance to talk to Michelle, he felt just as restless and uncertain as he had before.