CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Lying face down, Aurora could feel a calming warmth spread over her back. Like a heated blanket had been placed over her. She sighed softly, her mind lost to the dreamland that had washed over her. She struggled to wake even as she snuggled into the pillow.
Aurora winced, tiredly blinking her eyes before pain sliced through her back. Her breath caught in a sharp gasp at the sudden pain. She attempted to push herself up off the mattress, a soft whine left her lips. Pain ripped the last remnants of sleep from her.
Fingers digging into the straw mattress, Aurora fisted the rumpled sheet under her. She pressed her face into her soft feather pillow, seeking comfort. Technically speaking it was Asher’s pillow, but seeing as he was never around she claimed it as hers.
A warm, calloused hand softly settled on her wrist stilling her, a thumb rubbing lazy, soothing circles over her pulse point.
She needed to get up, she needed to get away from the pain. But she couldn’t, she felt paralyzed, her body too heavy and sluggish. The burden of the agony robbing her of ease of movement.
A flash of memory hit her then. The sound of a leather snapping in the air and the bite of sharp iron tips making contact, tearing her skin, drawing blood. The memory washed over her in such violent waves she could feel bile rising in her throat.
Her breathing increased.
She remembered it, each slice of her skin, the hot burning pain.
The salt.
An overwhelming need to see the damage Silas had caused fired to life within her. She needed to see what he had done, the legacy he had left on her skin, with her own eyes. Aurora tried moving again, she could feel the mattress under her, and the soft cotton sheets she was lying on but even the simplest action of attempting to swing her leg off the bed exhausted her.
She was too weak.
A strong yet gentle hand rested on her shoulder, silently telling her to relax.
“Ssssh take it easy, don’t move, Aurora.” Eli”s voice.
Relief rushed over her. Even with the betrayal she felt when it came to the male, she was glad he was there. Watching over her.
“The healer is trying to mend you the best he can. The bleeding has stopped and your wounds are slowly closing, but...”
His voice trailed off.
“What is it?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“There’s no avoiding the scarring, the healer had to keep you bound in sleep while he worked. I feared the pain would be too much and he agreed. He has been working on you for a while...but there’s nothing he can do, the salt rested in your wounds too long.”
The male working on her back stayed silent, leaving Eli to explain.
Lifting her head took so much effort that Aurora grunted, she turned to face him as best she could before resting on her pillow again.
Sitting on the edge of her bed sat Eli. His face unmasked and showing a war of emotions. Concern, rage, sorrow, so many emotions usually kept in check were on display.
Next to him, hands hovering over her back, sat the healer. The male wore robes of a light cloth, an off white color. A complete opposite from other Guild members. The only similarity, a hood covering his head, hiding his face.
Aurora grunted again, her back throbbed. “Silas made sure that I would be marked forever. He told me as much.”
Eli sighed heavily but he said nothing. She could tell he didn’t want to risk saying anything in front of the healer. He wouldn’t risk word of what they said reaching the inner circle, resulting in more punishments. His hands that rested near her head balled into fists, the only tell of his anger.
Aurora had known the skin on her back would never be the same. Silas had made sure of it. Memories once more assaulted her of Silas’ breaths being heard from behind her as he whipped her, tearing her back open again and again. She cringed, forcing the memory away.
“You’ll be able to walk easily by tomorrow,” The healer promised flatly, finally talking since Aurora opened her eyes.
“I didn’t know the Guild had healers.”
Talking took effort, much more than she wanted to admit. Every breath radiated a sharp pain to ripple down her back.
“If we didn’t have them many Guild members would never survive life down here. Some come back from missions with very aggressive injuries and need immediate healing. Sometimes it’s because they are being stupid.” Eli’s gaze never met hers as he spoke. It grew course, his words laced with a forced calm. “Silas always makes sure to correct their behavior...as you know now.”
He finally took his eyes away from the scarring on her back.
Sadness showing in his sage green eyes. Sadness for her, sadness for those in the Guild. She couldn’t bear it. Aurora forced herself to look past him, avoiding that look because she couldn’t stand to see the strong male she adored look at her in that way.
Eli sighed, defeated and battling his need to protect her, he lifted his gaze to where the healer was finishing up.
Aurora forced herself up onto her elbows, she twisted a little to look over her shoulder. Her eyes followed the movements of the healer as he kept his hands hovering over her skin.
Dried blood caked along the rough raised welts that were beginning to settle leaving behind a permanent reminder. The wounds had begun to heal, the skin knitting together leaving angry red scars. The damage caused by Silas may be almost healed but the sharp pain where it marked her back did not ease. Even as the healer continued to work over her skin she could feel the burn of muscle as it slowly married together again.
An invisible needle bit her skin and sank right through into the other side causing her to bite back a few colorful curse words. She could feel the magical thread stitched her torn skin and muscle back together.
Piecing her back together again the best it could, she could see the healer was beginning to grow tired. How long had he been working on her?
Aurora rested her head on the pillow again. The pain was dreadful, but nothing compared to what she had suffered at the hand of Silas. She closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing, “For all the magic the people of the Guild have, you can’t numb my back?”
She tried teasing, but she couldn’t cover the hiss of pain as she forced a small laugh past her lips.
After working for what felt like hours, the pain eased, allowing her to take deeper breaths without feeling like she was going to combust from the pain. It wasn’t gone completely, a heavy ache still covered her whole back, but it was bearable.
She felt the urge to check again, to see if maybe the healer had been able to rid her of the ugly scars, but peering over her shoulder once more she could see multiple crisscrossed deep scars that had formed on her back.
She needed to see the full extent of the damage, she needed a mirror. She needed to see it, all of it. Her gut twisted in sadness and grief. Tears pricked at her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She wouldn’t cry again; she had spilled enough tears for the pain the male inflicted on her, and she would spill no more.
The cloaked figure leaned towards Eli, whispering, they said something she couldn’t hear. Another barrier to keep her out once more?
She rested her head heavily against the bed truly exhausted and even though she had slept through most of the work the healer had carried out on her, she could still happily fall into a deep slumber.
Eli thanked the healer, guiding him to the door, they spoke quietly for a moment before the door was closed and Eli secured it before returning to her. They were alone, for the first time in what felt like years to Aurora.
“Why did you lie?” Aurora’s voice questioned softly.
Eli took his place next to her once more, not responding right away. Aurora was okay– or at least as okay as she could be, they had no reason to avoid the conversation. Aurora was ready for it now.
“Why keep me instead of taking me to the Guild or killing me?”
Since hearing Violet speak of Eli, her parents and their deaths at his hands, Aurora had wanted to know why he had saved her. Why he had stolen them both away knowing the consequences should the Guild catch him?
Eli didn’t answer right away.
Aurora waited patiently.
He owed her, he owed her so much that she wasn’t sure if she could ever look at him again and not wonder what her life would have been like had he not influenced it as he had.
She was at a constant war with herself. One minute, furious at him for lying. For stealing her away from a life she was entitled to. Did she have any other family that could have taken her in? What would her life have been like in the Winter Quart?
Then the anger would simmer down. This was Eli, her mentor, the man who had kept her safe for as long as she could remember. She knew he wouldn”t have stolen her away unless he had no other choice. She knew he had gone with a gut feeling as he had trained her to do.
Being able to make decisions based on your heart versus your mind was a tough lesson to learn.
Still she questioned if she would ever be able to trust him again.
Taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out, Eli began talking. His voice sounded rough, pained.
“I am many things, Aurora. I have killed, for money or favor, if that’s what I was hired to do or instructed by the Guild to do. I have tortured information out of other fae, promising freedom for the information given only to kill them in the end once the knowledge I needed was attained.”
Aurora risked a glance up at him and her heart ached at the sight of the male she loved looking so broken. It took everything in her not to reach out or reassure him. She wouldn’t though. She couldn’t, not any more.
“I may be many awful things,” he continued, “but killing a youngling is never something I would do. You were innocent.”
He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs, his head bent. Looking at his hands, fidgeting, another thing she had never seen him do.
“When I found you, I had to quickly make a choice. I knew I couldn’t bring you here. I knew what that would do to you. They had already taken Asher, made him something he should never have been. I was too blind to realize it until it was too late for him.”
Eli was lost in his memories as he sat on the edge of the bed. He knew he needed to tell her everything. No barbs from Violet or poisoned words, just honesty for the first time. And if he was honest, he was glad.
“I knew nothing about raising a youngling. Asher proved that to me, I depended on Khyro a lot in helping to raise him and still there were challenges. So I left you with Nico, a male I thought would give you a good life. And he had for a while, I”d been sure to check in on him from time to time. But I hadn’t known he’d had a gambling problem. He had been willing to sell everything.”
Eli pushed to his feet and began to pace at the side of the bed, anger still boiled for the male and what he was willing to do to pay his debts.
“He was ready to sell you at one point. He contacted the Guild, he”d heard a rumor they would pay handsomely for recruits. He had to be in contact with some terrible people to have gotten that information.” Eli went silent for a moment, his jaw clenched tightly in anger, “Asher retrieved wagers as part of an assignment. One of them was Nico’s. His debt was so great I knew exactly what he was planning to do. I had seen it before.”
Aurora stayed quiet; her stomach in knots. The realization that she could have grown up in the Guild if Eli hadn’t stepped in slightly eased the hurt she felt.
“I went to him, confronted him about it, and he confirmed my fears. The bastard was even smug about it, saying how rich he was about to be.” His hands balled into fists as he turned and approached the bed where she lay. “I could have spared his life. I could have taken you away and let him drown in his debts, but I chose differently.”
Aurora watched him; there was no remorse in his eyes, the only thing she saw there was resolve.
“You were just in the other room, my anger got the better of me, and I gutted him right where he stood.” Eli’s voice was steady but laced with a hint of strain. As if the memory caused him pain.
“I took you away with me. You were so young you couldn’t register what was happening. I went to a sick house and was able to place a child who had passed away from some illness in your place next to Nico. I set fire to the place, and we fled.”
Aurora’s head spun. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting when the full truth was outed, but this wasn’t it.
“Nico had already contacted the Guild before I got to him. Atlas had been sent to talk with him and bring you back to the Guild. It was he who found the remains of the cabin. He saw evidence of Nico and what they assumed was you next to him. For a while, they thought their best assassin had finally become rebellious and left, a selfish act.” Eli slumped down onto the mattress again and sighed, his hands shook ever so slightly.
“That’s why we moved so often. They were on a constant hunt for me. Even Asher searched; it killed me every time I saw the signs of him growing close. I missed him. I had made promises to him...and I kept them all but one. The most important one.” Eli smiled sadly.
Aurora’s heart broke a little. Now she knew why Asher hated her. Could she blame him? No. But seeing Eli as he sat before her made her realize that even though Asher had been hurt by Eli’s actions, she was glad he had taken them. The life she was living now, would have assaulted her sooner. The cruelty would have been inflicted on her from childhood, and he had spared her from that.
“I couldn’t let him know where I was. I couldn’t risk the Guild discovering you. It was my own damned ignorance that got us discovered. I’d allowed myself to get too comfortable. Asher had given up looking, and I had hoped the Guild had as well. I hadn’t seen any sign of them looking for such a long time. But I was wrong, and I will have to live with the fact that it’s my fault you are stuck here.”
Eli lifted a shaky hand and dragged it over his face, over his scar. A ‘tell’ with how stressed he was laying himself bare and telling Aurora the truth. He refused to look at her.
As she lay there on her stomach, her back ached, and the freshly tended to skin felt tight. Her mind raced through everything she was told. Eli had sacrificed everything to keep her safe, he had cut off everyone he knew. Even with all the new information, Aurora still felt like there was something he was holding back. But she didn’t push him.
Getting information out of Eli had always proven to be difficult. He had willingly told her the truth. That had to be enough for now. She accepted he would tell her everything in due time.
At least, she hoped.
She wanted to trust him again, she needed to. He was the only family she had and with everything that had been stolen from her, she would fight for the one thing that remained. But moving forward, their relationship would be on her terms.
She nodded her head, drawing Eli’s attention. It was a small indication she heard him, that she saw him and the truth.
Eli gave her a small but hopeful smile.
Slowly she moved, grunting softly. She pushed until she was able to maneuver into a sitting position. Her bloody tunic still hung on her shoulders, covering her chest. She panted through the pain in her back caused by her muscles straining to keep her upright.
It was almost too much, and she began to shake from the effort.
Eli hesitated briefly, then only watched her. His gaze assessed her in the way the members of the Guild watched everything with calculating eyes. He knew if he helped her, she would argue. He would intervene if she showed she needed assistance.
Slowly she brought her knees forward, and with the blanket wrapped around her legs, she sat back on her heels. She ignored how the room spun as she finally sat up unaided.
The pain eased slightly once she was settled, allowing her to breathe a little freer. She raked a shaky hand through her dark hair. Brushing through the knotted strands until she reached the ends, stopping so much closer to her jawline than she was used to.
“It’ll grow back.”
Eli leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs again. He watched her from the corner of his eye, dark circles like bruises underneath his eyes.
Aurora said nothing as she stared back; a conversation bloomed between them in the silence. She could feel the guilt and understanding rolling off him. He knew all too well what horrors the Guild could bring.
Eli silently rose and grabbed Aurora underneath her arms, supporting her as he helped her from the bed and walked her slowly to the tub in the attached bathing chamber. She grunted as she walked, her feet dragging slightly with each step.
He had prepared the tub for her, steam rose from the water, and her favorite soaps were left on a small table next to it. After helping her to take a seat on the edge Eli handed her an oversized tunic for her to change into.
She held her breath as he moved slowly. Eli kissed her brow ever so gently before quietly exiting the room, giving her privacy. Only after he left did a heavy sigh pass her lips, and her heart mended a little on that one action.
Aurora knew he was giving her time to process everything, letting her take her time; was he afraid she would break down completely?
She waited until she could hear the opening and closing of her bedroom door before she began to slowly strip off her torn tunic, blood-soaked pants and boots.
She refused to look at her back in the mirror. She couldn’t, not yet. Instead she slowly climbed into the tub, lowering her shaky limbs into the soothing water. She cringed as she sat back. Her muscles truly felt as if they had been ripped apart and sewn back together again. There was only so much healing magic could do.
She took the longest bath of her life. She had dropped her glamor and she could see her pale hair in the corner of her eye as she shifted her head. No longer did she look down and see it covering her breasts.
Every movement sent pain over her back and arms. After cleaning the dried blood from her skin and once her hair felt clean from the sweat, she mentally prepared herself. As she painfully and slowly left the tub, her arms strained as she hauled her body up.
With the position of the walled polished glass, there was no avoiding the view of her back. It was something that would forever be part of her now. Water dripped down her naked body as she stumbled to the large mirror. She stared at her reflection, watching as her short white hair clung to her face and neck. Her eyes widened at the sight. She was getting used to the sight of her glamor being removed when she was alone. It had begun to become a habit now, it became easier to do now than it had before. She could thank the Guild for that, at least.
Aurora looked at her reflection. She looked awful, truly awful.
She winced.
The dark circles under her eyes looked like she had not gotten a wink of rest. Even with the bath, she thought she appeared as if she had dug herself out of hell. Sighing, she turned slowly, her back facing the mirror. With a deep, shaky breath, Aurora slowly turned her head. She hesitated because of the pain until she was glancing over her shoulder.
She looked at her reflection.
A strangled gasp escaped past her lips as she beheld the scarred skin. More jagged lines than she could count marred her back. She knew exactly how many lashes had assaulted her skin. But twenty lashes had done so much more damage than she had imagined it would.
She was grateful Silas hadn’t given her more as Violet had suggested. He could have, but he had chosen to be merciful. As merciful as she assumed Silas could be.
A tear rolled down her cheek.
The scars would fade, she told herself, but they would always be there, looking as deep as they did now. She had just been healed, and she needed to give her skin time to settle.
She tried to convince herself that everything would be alright, that soon she wouldn’t even notice the scars.
She knew she was only lying to herself.
Quickly she wiped away the tear. Drying herself off, she covered herself in the tunic Eli had left her, and she slowly made her way back to her bed. No blood covered her sheets, they were clean, and she wondered if Eli had somehow changed them before he left.
Aurora climbed into bed. She blew out the candle resting on a small table. Even though the light orbs were used often in her room, the candles reminded her of home. She clung to the feel of her and Eli’s cabin. It was becoming increasingly apparent that she would never see it again. It was while lying in the darkness that she finally relaxed.
Aurora closed her eyes. It was easy to let the exhaustion sweep her away into a dream world. It didn’t matter if she was awake or asleep; she was haunted by the sound of the whip hitting her skin, the sting of the iron shackles and screams that were both her own and Eli’s.
Aurora was gifted a full day to recover. Resting in the Guild’s terms entailed still going to her scheduled training, but she wasn’t to train nearly as hard. She was grateful that she wouldn’t have to see Silas for another day.
A different healer had checked on her at Aurora’s request after she woke the next day. She trusted the original male, but she didn’t want her injury to cause permanent damage.
She would learn to accept the scars that now marked her, at least she told herself she would. But if the injury caused her to move slower in any way, she couldn’t handle that. She knew the inner circle wouldn’t accept it even if it was their fault.
The healer hadn’t balked at her scars. From what she could see from under his hood, his face hadn’t changed from the set blank expression as he covered his hands over her bare back. Once he was done he told her that her skin and muscles had been knitted back together beautifully and she should take it easy for the rest of the day. She may ache, but her movement would no longer be as limited. Every day she would feel closer to how she was before.
Aurora inwardly scoffed. She would never feel like the same person again.
She walked to the training room afterward, albeit slowly, and like predicted, she felt her muscles strain, but she could stand up straight, and her gait was even. Entering the room, multiple sets of eyes found her. They trailed her body, noticing the obvious, that the length of her dark hair had changed. Aurora could tell they were looking for other signs of injury. News traveled fast in the Guild.
Aurora’s back and shoulders shook slightly, but not from fear of those around her. Her muscles spasmed slightly, part of the healing process.
Eli’s eyes found her once she took her typical spot in the room. They seemed to ask, ‘Are you okay?’
Aurora only gave him a small, slight nod.
That was the only confirmation he needed. Without hesitation, he turned his attention to the others and barked out orders starting the group”s training session.