Chapter 24 Silas #2
No, she's not strong enough. She doesn't have to be, though.
"You aren't fighting her. You're cutting off her necklace, taking back my blood.
That's your only job. I'll kill Pierre when he comes inside to get Deidre, while you sneak into her room and get my blood.
After that, I'll kill her myself. You can do this.
You only need to distract her long enough for me to catch up to you. "
No one ever would have asked me to give a pep talk, and I find myself lacking. Still, I'm all Lily has, so I try to smile, though I'm sure it looks more like a grimace.
The plan is haphazard at best, with a million variables. But it's what we have.
It's more than I've had in years.
Lily nods, tucking her knees under her chin, hugging her legs close.
"How did you do this for so long?" she asks.
Her haunted eyes look at me, then around the cell.
I imagine she thinks she'd never last five years.
Maybe she wouldn't. But Lily's shown a kind of strength I hadn't seen in some of the other stolen shifters these witches have brought here before.
Many of them broke long before Deidre was done with them, before their bodies went cold.
I don't have an answer that would make sense.
Do I tell her some years were easier? The chains felt lighter when I stopped fighting? How do I even admit to Lily—to anyone, because a fucking reckoning will come—that there was ever a time I stopped fighting?
There were days in the beginning when I couldn't tell where Deidre's commands ended and my will began.
Even though I was blood-soaked, dragged back here after every task, every mission, they still stripped me of everything but my shame, and eventually, I got so used to it that the emptiness inside me became cold and calcified. I just adapted. Numbed myself.
I got used to it. Moon Goddess fucking help me, I got used to it.
There was warm food, full meals. A roof and a bed.
How do you admit that the worst parts weren't that bad because I got food and a bed?
It was that scent that destroyed the careful alliance with my sanity.
Jasmine. Dogwood flowers. So sweet. Almost too sweet. Summery heat, like the wind picked up and carried the flowers through the breeze. Succulent, too. Honeycomb dripping nectar, rich and ripe, ready to be cut open and feasted upon.
The scent dragged me toward a dingy party, and I followed, like a cartoon pup stealing pie from a windowsill. And there she was. Glowing. Like a goddess. Fiery red hair, pink lips. Tiredness in her eyes.
The faintest hint of an omega scent, stuck beneath her skin, pulsing, like it needed—begged—to be let out.
I was living in gray-scale.
And then there was color.
And that's when it all started to hurt again. That's when the emptiness, which I'd so carefully crafted, began to fill with wants and needs. Emotions and desires, plans. My heart fucking beat again. A dull thud, at first.
Real, nonetheless.
The chains have felt heavier these last few months than they have in years.
Feeling again—that's what fucking hurts. That's what's hard.
I vacillate so long, my alpha warring with me to keep my shit together, that Lily eventually changes the subject.
"Will you tell me a story?"
I almost laugh. "What kind of story?" I ask tiredly, amazed I'm even indulging the little wolf.
"How about that time your dad tried to make you marry the Henderson sisters?" Lily giggles softly. We don't have to whisper anymore, and she loves when I retell humiliating stories from when I was a fuck face. It helps pass the time and distracts her from her misery.
Part of my penance, I guess.
"Which sister?" I groan.
She laughs brightly. The sound surprises me. It's hard to believe she can, in this place, but she does. "I heard it was both! And that you convinced your brother to take your place, and since Lune would read the wrong names, the nuptials would be null and void."
Again, I groan. "Where do you hear these things?"
"Around," she smirks. "Everyone still talks about you. Like you're just away for the summer. No one even knows—" Lily's voice hitches, and her eyes shoot to mine. I fucking hate that look of pity on her face. So, I indulge her story so she can smile again, and get her fucking eyes off of me.
"Look, I was fifteen. A baby, practically."
"Uh-huh," she chuckles and nudges my foot with hers.
"I got caught with the older sister, Helen, by Patty, the younger. See, Patty and I were in school together. And I'd been flirting a bit. But then Helen saw me by the creek, you know, near the west point, with the waterfall?"
Riveted, Lily nods happily, so I continue telling an embarrassing story from my youth. If Silas from five years ago could see me now. Hell, if Silas from five months ago could see me now…
"So, anyway, Helen caught me in the creek, and one thing led to another… But neither of us noticed Patty had followed her. And she freaked out. Thought me flirting at school was some kind of declaration. So Patty marched straight back to my father's cabin and told on me."
Lily snorts, then full-on belly laughs. "Was he mad?"
I shrug. "My dad was always mad at me. Said I had no sense between my ears.
And Gray…" Fuck, thinking about this next part hurts.
Grayson, the good alpha. The righteous brother, with good sense and a moral compass.
"Well, Gray was duty-bound. Even back then.
And when my dad told me I had to marry both sisters, Grayson packed a bag and told me to run up the mountain.
That he'd pretend to be me, and therefore the marriage wouldn't be binding since he would be the wrong groom. "
"What was the plan for after the fact, when everyone realized he married the sisters and not you? And why on earth would he think no one would notice? You smell completely different!"
I let out a dry laugh and scratch the back of my neck. "Fifteen, remember? We were idiots."
Lily smiles and gives me a look no one ever has. Affection.
I've had women smile at me before. Lots of women. But it was always lust and fire and fun. Nothing real. Nothing substantial.
Nothing platonic, with the roots of honest care.
Lily looks at me like I'm someone worth smiling at.
And it makes me fucking twitch.
I sigh and get up, ready to get back to strength training. Burpees, push-ups, arm-stands. Anything to get away from that look on her face.
"My dad wasn't serious about the marriage," I say, pulling away. "He was just trying to teach me a lesson, that I couldn't fuck around with women without consequences. Lotta good that did. I was even more of a fuckwit after that."
I walk to the other side of the cage and begin with push-ups, ignoring the imploring look in her eyes as she watches me.
She sees entirely too much.
I pause mid-push and tilt my head up so I can look directly at her. "You're weak. You need to exercise, too."
Lily doesn't seem offended, and somehow that pisses me off more. She just nods, gets up, and joins me.
Though it's been years since I've been this in sync with my wolf, if I close my eyes and tune into my shifter magic, I can feel the pull of the waxing moon. Nine more days and the full moon will hang high in the sky.
We have nine days before we break out of here or die trying.