Chapter 3
MAE
As I drove slowly down the snow-lined streets towards the upcoming turn onto what Google Maps had just informed me was the Main Street of Pine Harbor, I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to quell the nerves that were stirring in my stomach.
I’d left the skyline of Chicago behind me in my rearview mirror yesterday with a dizzying sense of optimism, excited about what lay ahead.
That optimism had waned slightly with every mile that passed, as the distance between the life I was leaving behind and the new, unknown one I was heading towards became achingly apparent.
I’d called Holly from the cozy room in the boutique, historic hotel where I’d stayed last night in Hudson, New York, hoping she’d remind me why I was doing this, and that this was the right thing for me to do. I should have known better.
‘It’s normal to have second thoughts,’ she’d said, starting off reassuringly enough.
But then she’d added, ‘It’s your gut telling you that you’re making a mistake.
Just turn around and come back. It’s not too late.
Terry is still pissed that you’ve left; he’ll give you your job back in a heartbeat. ’
‘He’s already replaced me, remember?’
‘Yeah, but we’re always short of nurses – you know that. And you’re one of the best. The others are all incompetent twits.’
‘That’s not fair. Or true.’
‘I don’t care.’
‘Holly.’
She’d sighed. ‘I just miss you, OK? Work sucks without you. Who’s going to make fun of all the fresh little interns and junior docs with me? With their bright eyes and shiny optimism.’
‘I don’t make fun of them.’
‘But you listen when I do. Who else is going to do that?’
I’d stood at the window, staring out at the pretty lights of the town glittering along the shores of the river in the distance.
‘I had to leave,’ I said, more to convince myself. ‘Didn’t I?’
‘Are you asking me or telling me?’
‘Telling. No, asking. Both.’
‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’
‘I want you to tell me I’m doing the right thing.’
She was quiet for a moment. ‘I wish I could, I really do. But the truth is, I have no idea.’
I’d squeezed my eyes shut, appreciating her honesty but not wanting to hear it all the same. ‘That makes two of us.’
‘You know how I feel about this, Mae. I’m worried that this is just a knee-jerk reaction to seeing that photo of Nick with some random.’
‘It’s not knee-jerk.’
‘You literally got drunk and applied for this job that same night.’
‘You don’t know that those things are related.’
Her silence was pointed.
‘Fine,’ I’d admitted. ‘Maybe one thing slightly influenced the other.’
‘I just don’t think you should be changing your whole life because of some guy, and not even a nice one at that.’
‘He’s not the only reason I applied,’ I reminded her. ‘You know I’d been feeling burned out by the job lately. Working in the ER… the things we see. It takes a toll.’
‘I get it,’ she’d said softly. ‘Believe me, I do. But that’s when we take a vacation, somewhere tropical, with a pool bar and a hot barman serving cocktails.
Somewhere like Mexico, or the Caribbean.
What we don’t do is jack in our job, give up our apartment and move halfway across the country to one of the remotest and coldest places in the country. ’
‘Pine Harbor is not that remote.’
‘Does it have a Starbucks?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘I rest my case.’
‘No, you know what? This is just my nerves talking,’ I said firmly. ‘And that’s completely natural. It’s going to be fine. Better than fine. In fact, it’ll be just like one of those Christmas movies I love.’
She groaned.
‘Lonely woman, disillusioned with big-city life moves to picturesque small, coastal town, finds new purpose and falls in love with life again,’ I teased in my best cinematic voiceover tone. Holly hated those movies. Refused to watch them with me.
‘Have you ever noticed how all the women look the same in those movies?’ she mused.
‘No they don’t,’ I scoffed.
‘Uh, yeah, they totally do. Perfect long hair, with perfect curls that bounce around their perky shoulders. Sparkly, didn’t-indulge-in-too-many-wines-after-a-hard-shift-last-night eyes, rosy cheeks, cute boots, stylish red or green tailored coat, and, of course, the obligatory knitted scarf of varying color, all meant to convey to the viewer just how cutesy and quirky they are. ’
I sat up straighter in the lovely, tailored forest-green coat I’d purchased the day before and snorted. ‘That’s crazy. They don’t all dress like that.’
‘Mae?’
‘Yeah?’
‘You bought a scarf, didn’t you.’ It was a statement, not a question.
‘Uh.’ I glanced sideways at the beautifully soft, sage green wool scarf lying on the passenger seat. Beside it, a matching woolen hat with a pompom on the top. Bought at an adorable little boutique shop near the hotel in Hudson the day before. ‘Maybe.’
‘God, you’re so predictable.’
‘I am not.’
‘Just please, please tell me you’re not hoping it’s going to happen to you too.’
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Yeah you do. Life isn’t the only thing those rom-com heroines fall in love with, and you know it.’
‘Still no idea what you’re talking about, sorry.’
‘Are you moving to that tiny, rustic town because you’re hoping some hunky, ripped woodsman will sweep you off your feet?’
‘I’m insulted that you’d even ask me that.’
‘Insulted enough to not answer the question.’
‘Because it goes without saying. I’m not moving there hoping to find love. I’m not even sure that I’m completely over Nick, OK?’
‘Well you should be, because Nick is completely over you. He’s so over you, in fact, that he’s on top of someone else, remember? Or behind. Underneath. Probably all three and more.’
I winced at the mental pictures. ‘Shut up.’
‘I’m sorry, but if you’re going to uproot your entire life because of him, there’s no point pining after him. Otherwise it’s just the same shit in a different place.’
After we’d blown kisses and disconnected the call, I’d curled up on the hotel bed and mulled over her words.
She was right. Here I was, making this life-changing move halfway across the country.
Trying something new. If I was going to do it justice, I needed to at least try to let Nick, and how I thought my life would be with him, go.
The Main Street of Pine Harbor was even more picturesque than the photos on the internet had suggested it was, but maybe that was thanks to the time of the year.
The businesses I drove past had closed for the day.
I saw a toy shop, a candy store, a gift shop, and a bookstore named Port in a Storm.
Their windows and shopfronts were decorated with Christmas trees, wreaths, tinsel and lights.
On a street corner, a snowman. It was just after four, and the day was drawing to a close.
Black lantern streetlights were flickering on as I drove past them, almost as if in welcome.
Fairy lights were wrapped around their poles and through the trees that lined the street.
Ahead of me, down a dip in the street, I could see towering trees, their branches leafless and stark against a glowing sky, and behind them, the harbor.
The Atlantic waters were still and calm, more like a pond than an ocean.
My headlights revealed a light dusting of snow was beginning to fall, so I flicked my wipers on and hoped my tires would continue to grip the road as they should.
The place was deserted, meaning I had my choice of parking spots, so I chose one near the end of the street, next to the town park and opposite a ferry terminal and harbormaster’s office, according to the sign, which was all closed up for the night.
Apart from a man walking his dog the streets were completely empty.
No doubt everyone was warm and snug in their homes, dodging the cold and fresh snowfall.
The nerves in my stomach kicked it up a notch.
What was I doing here? I’d left behind a perfectly nice apartment for the complete unknown.
A cottage by the sea that I’d only seen in photos emailed to me by the real estate agent.
I had the address scribbled down on a bit of paper in my pocket and a few, vague directions, but it may as well have been in Australia for all the help that was.
When you hit the bottom of Main Street, turn east and follow Ocean Road for about two miles.
I had no idea which way was east, let alone north, south or west, but I knew Google Maps would soon sort that out for me.
First though, I decided to get out and stretch my legs.
Acquaint myself with my new home. The sun had dipped below the horizon and the colors of the sky were fading.
The first stars twinkled into life as I crossed the street and headed towards the town pier, pulling my coat collar snugly up against my chin.
The wind was bitterly cold. I’d have to admit to Holly that the coats the women wore in the movies might look the part, but in reality, they were woefully inadequate.
I thought of the thick, down-filled parka packed away in one of my bags and cursed my romanticism.
The streetlights cast a cheery yellow glow on the snowy wooden boards of the pier.
A few fishing boats bobbed up and down at a nearby dock, banging gently against the wood as their moorings stretched with the movement of the water, creaks and groans as various parts of them protested.
I could smell the salt in the air, mingled with the earthy smell of woodsmoke, and something else, something that made me think of Christmas.
It was the pine trees that grew in the hills, I realized. The trees that gave the town its name.
Pine Harbor. My new home.