Chapter 27
MAE
‘I’m a little rusty,’ I warned him, lacing up the ice skates that Jonah had surprised me with at the end of a half-hour drive that ended at the most picturesque little pond I’d ever seen.
It was like something off a postcard. An actual winter wonderland.
Nestled in a little dip between two ridges, it was almost perfectly circular in shape, under a quarter mile across.
The outside of it was blanketed with snow, but a perfect little oval had been cleared in the center of the pond, and blade marks scoured the surface of the ice.
I got to my feet, using the branch off a nearby spruce for support.
Seeing my dubious expression, Jonah reassured me. ‘Don’t worry, it’s frozen solid,’ he said. ‘This place ices over pretty quickly every winter and stays that way for months. We used to come out here all the time when we were teenagers,’ he said. ‘Clearly people are still using it.’
He held on to my hand as we made our way across the surface of the pond to where the smoother ice was, then let go to tighten one of his own boots. I took a careful step, holding my arms outstretched for balance, feeling myself wobble.
‘You won’t laugh at me if I fall over, right?’ I joked.
‘No promises. But you won’t fall. It’s like riding a bike.’
‘Ice skating is nothing like riding a bike,’ I disagreed, feeling my feet trying to head in different directions. ‘And if you think it is, you’re doing it wrong.’
He laughed. ‘Just find your center of gravity, put one foot in front of the other and glide.’
‘You make it sound so easy.’
‘Well it’s not rocket science.’
‘Look at you go,’ he said a few minutes later. ‘You’re a pro at this.’
I risked a sideways glance. ‘Liar.’
He laughed.
He was right though. It didn’t take long for my body to remember how this went, and a few minutes later I was skating loops around the pond.
I certainly wouldn’t be winning an Olympic gold medal any time soon, but at least I was on my feet.
I was even enjoying it, once I got over the fear of falling.
‘Maybe,’ he replied, skating just behind me.
It was both a comfort and a distraction to know he was so close.
‘I hadn’t really thought about it. Truth is, my original plan for today was to take you out on the boat.
There’s been talk around town of a pod of whales moving up and down the bay the last few days. I wanted to see if we could find them.’
‘Are you serious?’ I nearly fell over in my excitement and he reached out an arm to steady me. ‘I would have loved that,’ I squealed. ‘Whale watching is on my bucket list.’
‘You have a bucket list?’
‘Not an actual, physical one,’ I admitted. ‘But I’ve compiled a mental one, over the years. Hasn’t everyone? It’s just things I’d like to do and see. Places I’d like to go.’ I pulled a face. ‘You know, if money and work commitments didn’t exist.’
‘Of course. Work is so inconvenient to life.’
‘Right?’
‘So, whale watching is on this mental list of yours?’
‘Sure is. Right near the top. Why couldn’t we go?’
‘Weather isn’t looking great this afternoon,’ he said regretfully. ‘There’s a cold front coming in off the ocean, bringing rain with it. It’s not much fun being out on the boat when the sea’s rough, believe me.’
‘Considering I get motion sickness, I appreciate you thinking of me. Although I’m bummed we don’t get to see the whales.’
‘Not today, but there’ll be other opportunities.’
‘Promise?’
He smiled. ‘I promise. What else is on there?’
I thought about it. ‘Learning to surf.’
‘I’d pay to see that. What else?’
‘Dance at a rooftop rave all night and watch the sun come up. Learn how to sew. Learn how to change a tire. There’re a lot of things.’
‘What’s number one on the list?’
I squinted at a tree on the other side of the pond. ‘Uh, I can’t remember.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘Fine. Northern Lights. I’ve always wanted to see those.’
‘You know we can see them sometimes from here?’
‘You’re kidding.’
‘No. Maybe not as bright or impressive as from other places, but you can see them.’
There was no sound apart from the swish of our blades on the ice.
The air cold in our lungs, little puffs of steam punctuating the air as we breathed out.
It reminded me of winters in Chicago growing up.
Hanging out at the ice rink with my sister and our friends.
We’d buy cans of Coke and request the songs we liked from the DJ, then try and skate in a line, pretending we were in a music video.
I tried to remember the last time we’d been, but couldn’t.
We’d started going to parties at friends’ houses instead.
Drinking cheap drinks to get drunk and making out with boys. The innocence of youth, gone.
‘I want to see them in Norway,’ I blurted out.
‘I don’t know why, I’ve just always wanted to go there.
And Lapland. I want to spend a Christmas there.
See Santa’s village. Feed the reindeer. Sleep in a glass igloo underneath the stars and the Northern Lights.
I want to tour the Christmas markets across Europe.
Go on a sleigh ride. Sing carols at midnight on Christmas Eve. I know it sounds silly.’
He’d caught up to me, skating close to my left shoulder. He looked at me with surprise. ‘Why would that sound silly?’
‘That’s what Nick said, when I told him. Said it was silly and immature. That Lapland is for kids. Families. He said I should want to go somewhere like Paris, or Rome. Tour art galleries and take wine tours. Grown-up stuff.’
‘The more I hear about this guy, the bigger the jerk I think he is,’ he replied curtly. ‘I mean what kind of man is he? Dismissing your dreams like that? Someone he was supposed to love?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
He reached for my hand and perfectly executed a sliding stop, so abruptly that I fell against him, my hand on his chest.
‘It does matter,’ he insisted. ‘No one should tell you that your dreams are silly. You should never let anyone make you feel that way.’ His eyes ran over my face, his jaw twitching. ‘You don’t deserve that. No one does.’
I got the feeling he wasn’t just talking about me and Nick any more. I reached up a hand and touched his cheek, flushed from the cold.
‘I won’t,’ I promised him.
The tension left his jaw as he smiled. ‘Good.’
‘Can you say the same?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You know what I mean, Jonah.’
He sighed, and I felt it reverberate through his chest. ‘It’s different.’
‘How?’
‘She’s my mother.’
‘So, what, that gives her the right to tell you how to live your life?’
He frowned. ‘Of course not.’
‘If anything, it gives her less of a right. She should want you to be happy.’
‘She does want me to be happy. It’s just that her idea of happiness is different to my own. And anyway, that’s why we clash so much, because I don’t let her control me. Believe me, life would be a hell of a lot easier if I just went along with what she wanted.’
‘Why is it so hard for you to tell them what you really want to do?’
He didn’t answer at first. Instead he pushed off on the ice again, still holding my hand. Together we skated. I started to worry that I’d pushed him too far. Upset him.
‘I think it’s because I respect my father so much that, if he thought my ideas were stupid, it’d be devastating,’ he finally said.
‘Growing up, I saw how astute he was at business. When he took over the hotel from my grandfather, it was suffering financially. Had lost some of its appeal thanks to newer, more modern hotels that had opened up and down the coast. He could have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars renovating, modernizing, turning the hotel into a carbon copy of the others. It might have worked, but my great-grandfather would have been turning over in his grave. Instead, he took a risk and restored it. Kept the old charm, the décor and glamor that had made it so popular in its heyday, but with fresh wallpaper and paint. New furniture. New everything, really, but with the bones of the old hotel still in place. It worked. People love the glamor of a bygone era. The wealthy do, anyway. It harks back to the so-called golden days. The place has never been more profitable. And it’s all thanks to him. ’
‘Is that why you don’t want to take over? You’re worried you won’t live up to his accomplishments?’
‘No, I just honestly can’t see myself in a suit and tie every day, sitting in an office, no matter how fancy it is.
I don’t want to network, or travel, or schmooze with travel agents so they recommend us to their clients.
I can’t stand the thought of sitting in meetings, discussing strategic plans and long-term objectives.
I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less. ’
‘Have you put it to your parents like that? Explained it exactly the way you’ve just told me?’
‘I’ve tried, but inevitably I get so worked up with my mother. She won’t listen, just resorts to guilt and manipulation in an attempt to get her way. It usually ends in me walking out. Not very mature, I know.’
‘Hey, I’m all about preserving your own peace. You got to do what you got to do, even if that means putting boundaries in place with family.’
‘I want them to be proud of me.’ He sounded so forlorn. My heart ached for him.
I squeezed his hand. ‘I’m sure they are.’
He smiled at me in a way that made me think of kisses and lifetimes and waking up in his arms. Then, without warning, my blade hit a groove in the ice and I was falling.
I saw the shock on his face as he reached for me, then we were falling together, Jonah twisting as we fell so that he took most of the impact, landing on his back with a loud thud.
I landed on top of his chest, hearing the impact knock the breath out of him.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked, my face creased with concern. ‘I’m so sorry.’
He blinked up at me a few times, nodding until he got his breath back. ‘Are you?’
‘Yeah I’m fine.’
‘Are you sure?’ His eyes scanned my face and upper body as if he had X-ray vision, checking for injuries. ‘Say something. Where does it hurt?’
‘I’m OK,’ I finally managed to say. ‘Honestly.’
He exhaled with relief. ‘You had me worried,’ he growled. ‘That look of panic on your face when you started falling? That’s going to keep me awake for a week, I swear to God. Are you sure you’re OK?’
‘Yes,’ I reassured him. ‘Nothing broken. Maybe I’ll have a few bruises tomorrow, but it’s you who took the brunt of the fall. Are you OK?’
He reached up and tucked some loose hair behind my ear. ‘Don’t worry, it’ll take more than that to kill me.’
The words hit me like the cold, and I shuddered. ‘Don’t even joke about that,’ I scolded him.
‘What? Dying?’
‘Yes. For most people, death is this distant thing that happens to other people, usually the elderly. But I was an ER nurse, remember? I’ve seen death up close, far too many times. It’s indiscriminate, cares nothing for age, or gender. I don’t like to joke about it.’
He nodded. ‘You’re right, I’m sorry. It was tasteless. I won’t do it again. The last thing I want to do is upset you.’
Talking about death always brought about a sharp appreciation for life and the present moment.
Without thinking, I leaned down and kissed him.
Softly, lightly. His face was cold but his lips were warm.
I opened my eyes and stared into his, so close I could see little flecks of gold.
His hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me in tighter.
Around us, snow fell lightly, and the ice underneath was cold. But in his arms I was warm.