Chapter 34
JONAH
‘You really like her, don’t you?’ Dad said.
He was still in his pajamas, but at least he was out of bed. As soon as I’d arrived, he’d started begging me to help him get out of the bedroom.
‘If I have to stare at these walls any longer I’ll jump out the window,’ he’d grumbled. ‘I’m going out of my mind here. Take me for a drive. We can stop at the hotel. I won’t tell your mother. Please, Jonah.’
It was more than my life was worth though.
If I took him to the hotel, he wouldn’t have to tell my mother.
The town grapevine would take care of that.
We compromised on helping him out of the bedroom and outside the house for some fresh air.
Between my parents’ house and the cliff was a long, stone terrace that spanned the length of the house, about ninety-eight feet.
There was an outdoor entertainment area at one end, with an outdoor kitchen including a barbecue and pizza oven, large concrete banquet table and chairs, and an area of comfortable seating.
My father and I sat at the other end, on white wooden Adirondack chairs, overlooking the sloping lawn that led down towards a fire pit area, and the edge of the cliff.
It was chilly, but bearable. It hadn’t snowed since the storm the other night, so the ground was clear but icy.
The salt air would do him good, I figured.
I even let him talk me into getting us a beer each from the kitchen.
‘What’s the point of surviving the stroke if I can’t enjoy life? ’ he’d said.
‘If Mom comes home early though,’ I’d warned him, ‘you better be strong enough to throw that bottle over the balcony before she sees it. I’m not taking the heat for this.’
‘I can tell you really like Mae,’ he continued. ‘I can tell by the way you kept looking at her all night. You never looked at Jessica like that. Or any of the girls you’ve bought home over the years. Not that there have been that many of them.’
‘I wasn’t stupid enough to subject every girl I dated to Mom,’ I told him. ‘But yeah,’ I agreed, taking a swig from my bottle. ‘I really like Mae.’
‘Good. I’m glad. It’s about time you found someone who looks at you the way she does.
Someone who sees you for you. I don’t think Jessica ever did.
I know she didn’t. You were dollar signs, to her.
An illustrious name. A coveted trophy. You, Jonah, were her ticket to an easy life.
I’m not saying she didn’t care for you. But she didn’t love you in the way a woman is supposed to love a man. ’
I stared at him in surprise. ‘Wow. That’s cynical. I’d expect that from Mom, but you?’
‘What?’ he said. ‘I’m shrewder than I look. How else do you think I’ve done so well in business over the years?’
At the mention of the hotel I looked away, my face hardening.
‘Relax,’ he said. ‘I’m not going to hassle you about taking over. I’ll leave that to your mother.’
‘You know, deep down, that I’m not the right person for the job,’ I told him. ‘Right?’
He sighed. ‘It’s not that simple. I wish it was.’
‘It is that simple as far as I’m concerned.’
‘Not everyone is born with a natural head for business. I know that. But it is something that can be learned. You think I took over from my father knowing everything there was to know about running a hotel? Like hell I did. I was terrified. Suddenly, there were all these employees relying on me for their paychecks. Relying on me to turn the business around. I wanted to pack it all in and head for greener pastures. Somewhere the name Sawyer meant nothing to anyone. But I couldn’t do it. ’
‘Why not?’
‘Your mother wouldn’t have let me, for one thing.’ He chuckled. ‘We were married by then. Your brother was already born. It wasn’t just the employees of the hotel relying on me; I had a family to support as well.’
‘So what did you do?’
‘I did the only thing any of us can do. I did the best I could. Your mother and I, we spent hours researching. Market trends, the ins and outs of running a hotel. We came up with a plan and we hoped for the best. Luckily for us, it paid off.’
‘Mom helped you with the business?’ If he’d told me that my mother had worked nights at Hooters to put him through business college I’d have been less surprised.
He sighed. ‘You children, you don’t give your mother enough credit. She has a very good head for business. She’s very ambitious and highly driven. I doubt the hotel would be half as successful as it is without her input.’
‘I guess that’s why she’s so disappointed in me.’
‘I know it comes across that way, but she’s not disappointed in you.’
‘Come on, Dad. You hear her.’
‘I do.’
‘She wants to control me.’
He laughed, loudly. Birds took off in flight from a nearby pine tree. ‘Your mother gave up trying to control you as soon as you learned how to say the word no.’
‘You’re kidding, right?’
‘I’m not kidding. I don’t agree with how much pressure she puts on you Jonah; I never have.
And I’ve made that very clear to her. I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t bother me that you don’t want to take over the hotel because a part of me is sad about it.
But it’s your life. If you want to muck about on the boats then that’s what you should do. I will love you regardless.’
‘I’d hardly call it mucking about.’
‘You know what I mean. There nothing wrong with being a lobsterman. It’s a noble profession, and those men are hardworking.
Real salt of the sea. This town wouldn’t exist without them.
But most of those guys grew up with that fire already inside them.
They learned it from their dads, and their grandfathers before them.
They live and breathe their work. There isn’t a thing they don’t know about the tides, the breeding grounds, the currents, the need for sustainability in the industry.
But you, Jonah, you treat it like a hobby.
Like you could take or leave it. And that’s what drives your mother mad.
She wants to see you passionate about something.
To find your purpose in life.’ He waved out over the bay.
‘It’s obvious to anyone with eyes that you’re not going to find it out there in one of those traps. ’
I saw without answering, my mind reeling. Turned out my mother knew more about me than she let on.
‘Why do you think she pushes you so hard to take over the hotel? She’s hoping that maybe once you’re in the job, you’ll realize you have a knack for it after all.
And she knows you’ll say no to anything she tells you to do.
If she told you not to take over running the hotel you’d probably bloody do it. ’
‘She’s not wrong. Not about the hotel. I really don’t want to run that place, Dad. It’s not me. And I’m sorry, because I want you to be healthy. I want you to have an enjoyable retirement. And I feel guilty as hell that I’m the only thing standing in the way from you doing that.’
He waved a hand. ‘That’s not true. Your mother likes you to think that because having you feel guilty works in her favor. I think that’s wrong, and I’ve told her that many times.’
‘But I know how important it is to you that a Sawyer carries on the tradition of running the place.’
He growled loudly. ‘I don’t care about that at all. It’s a silly tradition. It’s time it was broken. Your grandfather, you know what he told me just before he died?’
I shook my head.
‘He always fancied himself owning a ranch out in Texas. Working the land. Owning some cattle. Met a girl from there in college, fell in love and dreamed of moving there and building a life with her. But he didn’t.
Instead, he did what he’d been raised to do.
What was expected of him. Never left Maine.
She didn’t want to live here, too cold, so that was the end of them.
He married your grandmother and ran the hotel almost into the ground because he didn’t care about it. ’
I stared out over the harbor, remembering my grandfather. The only time I’d ever seen him happy was when he was fishing. Other than that, he was a miserable old bastard the majority of the time. Now I knew why. ‘That’s awful.’
‘Your mother was my Jessica. I’ve known her since we were kids, and our families encouraged the union.
But I got lucky. I love your mother, and I was happy to take on the reins of the hotel because I had her by my side.
There’s nothing better than knowing you’ve found your team in life.
Just having that one person in your corner is enough.
Someone you can confide in, your fears, your dreams. Anything and everything.
If you can’t say something to the person you married, then you married the wrong person. ’
‘Plenty of people do.’
‘Don’t make that mistake.’
‘I won’t. But how do you know if someone is the right someone for you?’
‘You just know. When you don’t have to question it, you know. Does that help?’
I thought about Mae. ‘Yeah. It does.’
‘And don’t worry about your mother. I’ll have a word with her.
The hotel will always belong to the family, that I do care about.
And we’ll always have majority control through the board.
But as for the day-to-day running? Relinquishing control of that doesn’t mean relinquishing power.
I wouldn’t wish the stress on anyone who doesn’t actually want the job.
Especially not one of my children. Don’t worry about the hotel.
There’s someone I have in mind who might be willing to take over from me. ’
‘Who?’
‘Don’t worry about that. I might be wrong, so I don’t want to say anything until I’ve talked to them.’
‘Does Mom know?’
‘No. Like I said, no point saying anything until I know for sure this person is interested.’
‘Do you think Mom will lay off me?’
‘Maybe.’ He drained the rest of his beer and belched loudly. ‘But I’m sure she’ll find something else to fixate on. Oh, that was good. That went down a treat. Do you think I should risk another one?’
‘Probably not. Mom has a nose like a bloodhound. She’ll smell it on you and then we’ll both be in trouble.’
‘Ah, you’re probably right. It’s done me the world of good though. Bit of normalcy. Being out here with the smell of the pines and the sea and this view.’ He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.
I swallowed hard, feeling emotional. My father and I hadn’t talked this openly in a long time, if ever. ‘You’ve been, you are, a good father,’ I told him. ‘I’m not sure if I’ve ever said that to you before, but I’m saying it now.’
He smiled, still with his eyes closed. ‘Sometimes it takes a near-death experience for people to remember what’s important in life. To say the things that need to be said.’
‘It shouldn’t.’
‘No. It shouldn’t. I’m proud of you, Jonah. I’m proud of the man you’ve become. And no matter what path you choose in life, I know you’ll do well. You might have inherited your mother’s stubbornness, but you get your tenacity and resilience from me.’
‘Jesus.’ I shook my head, feeling a heaviness in my chest, as if my heart had soaked up his praise and grown two sizes. ‘Look at us. One beer and we’re spilling feelings all over the place.’
He laughed. ‘At least I have an excuse. I’ve been off booze on doctor’s and your mother’s orders since the stroke. I’m a lightweight. What’s your excuse?’
‘I don’t have one.’ I drained the last of my own bottle. ‘I’m just really glad you’re still alive.’
‘Me too, son.’ He breathed in the cold Atlantic air and nodded. ‘Me too.’
I stood up. ‘We’d better get you back into bed before Mom gets home.’
‘I suppose you’re right,’ he agreed reluctantly. ‘I’m supposed to be saving my strength for the winter formal this Saturday.’
I was surprised. ‘You’re going?’
‘Maybe. Not for the whole night, but I’d like to make an appearance.
This will be my last winter formal in charge of the hotel.
’ He saw my face. ‘I’m not putting any pressure on you, but one way or another, I’m retiring.
It’s time. I want to spend the days I have left on this beautiful planet doing the things I want to do.
Things your mother has always wanted to do.
Did you know she’s always dreamed of travelling to Ireland? ’
More surprises. ‘Seriously?’
‘Yeah. She had a pen pal from there when she was a teenager and ever since she’s wanted to see the place.’
‘She’s never mentioned it.’
‘That’s because she’s always put her dreams aside to raise this family and help me run the hotel. She might be hard on you sometimes, Jonah, but she’s a good mother, and she’s been a good wife to me. It’s time I put her first for a change.’
‘But the hotel?’
‘Will be fine. I’ll figure it out. Are you coming to the formal?’
‘Yeah, I’ll be back by then.’
‘From where?’
‘Crewing for Jim Kelley. We head out first thing tomorrow.’
He sighed, looked out towards the open sea. ‘I worry when you’re out there.’
‘I’ll be fine. Jim’s been doing this a long time.’
‘Call me when you get back.’
‘I will.’