Chapter 21 #2
‘Ha, we’d have to be together to get to that point.
’ Scarlett shook her head. ‘No, we agreed to just stay friends. And things had felt okay when I’d driven Rowan back to Meadowfield after dropping the sheep off at Little Mead, but now, just then…
They didn’t. You’re right, things were awkward.
’ Super awkward. Things had always been so easy between her and Rowan.
Even from the moment she’d walked back into his coffee cart the day they’d met and broken so many of his mugs, things had been good, and now they’d ruined it. She’d ruined it.
‘You’re staying friends?’ Nicola leaned forward again, hunching over her mug as she lowered her voice.
‘Yes, supposedly. We kissed and then I pulled away, told him I didn’t want to get into a relationship with him.
’ Scarlett shrugged. Had that been the right decision?
As much as her head was screaming at her not to let him in, not to trust another person since Tyler, her heart was telling her a very different story, and she was torn.
Sighing, Nicola nodded her head. ‘I see. Well, it might take a bit of time to get back to the way you were before, but Rowan’s a good guy, so I’m sure you will. Just let the awkwardness pass and things will be just like they were before.’
‘That’s what I’m afraid of.’ Scarlett’s voice was quiet, barely a whisper, and she wasn’t sure Nicola had even heard her. Perhaps it would be best if she hadn’t. At least then she could continue to pretend she was okay with her decision.
‘You are?’ Nicola glanced behind her as the sound of chairs scraping against the floorboards sounded and the O’Sullivan family headed in their direction. Standing up, she smiled, ‘Was everything okay?’
‘It was lovely, thank you.’ Zoe beamed as Bill ushered the children towards the door.
‘Great. Well, if you need a coffee or a slice of cake or anything during the day you know where to find me.’ Stepping forward, Nicola wrapped a couple of pains au chocolat in a napkin and passed them to Zoe. ‘If the little ones need something else before lunch.’
‘Thank you.’ Grinning, Zoe waved towards Scarlett. ‘We’ll see you at the Christmas market.’
‘Yes, see you.’ Scarlett waved as she forced a smile. She’d almost forgotten about the market.
Once they’d left, Nicola sank back into her chair. ‘You’re worried you’ve done the wrong thing? Are you saying you do want a relationship with him?’
‘Yes. No.’ Scarlett shrugged. She felt miserable. Tired and miserable. ‘I don’t know. I do, but my ex was awful, and I just don’t think I’m ready or strong enough to go through all of that again.’
‘Maybe you don’t have to. Maybe Rowan is a better guy than your ex.
’ Nicola took a sip of her coffee before lowering her mug.
‘I don’t know what went on between you and your ex or why you ended but honestly, when me and my ex broke up, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to trust anyone again until Charlie came along. ’
‘Really?’
‘Yep. My ex cheated on me and I was probably in a similar position to you. I didn’t think I’d ever trust anyone else with my heart again.
Heck, I didn’t want to. I’d resigned myself to the single life, and I was pretty content with just me and my cat, Trixie, but then with Charlie…
’ Tilting her head, she smiled. ‘He was different.’
Scarlett shifted in her chair. She was pretty certain Nicola probably hadn’t discovered her ex had a wife, child and other house to boot, but it did sound as though her previous relationship had ended badly and she’d moved on.
And was happy. ‘How did you know Charlie wasn’t going to break your heart again though? ’
Nicola shrugged. ‘I didn’t. Not really. Although everything about the relationship felt so different.
My feelings towards him were different, and I think, looking back, although I probably wasn’t quite as confident as I am now about this, but I think by the time I started worrying about that I was in too deep, anyway. ’
‘What do you mean?’
Nicola inched her coffee mug to the left, before shifting in her chair.
‘I think by the time we got into a relationship, I knew that if it didn’t work, I would hurt anyway.
That doesn’t make sense, does it? I guess what I’m trying to say is, if I hadn’t jumped and taken the risk, I would have always wondered “what if” and I’d have been upset that I’d let the chance of a happy life with him pass me by. ’
‘So you felt you might as well take the chance?’
‘Exactly.’ Nicola nodded.
‘And you think I should?’ Scarlett spun her coffee mug slowly on the tabletop. Was she ready to? What if Rowan did hurt her the way Tyler had? After all, she didn’t know him. Not really. They’d only met a few weeks ago.
‘That’s something only you can answer, I’m afraid.
’ Nicola frowned as the phone rang from the reception desk, the monotonous ringtone filtering through to the kitchen.
Standing up, Nicola walked towards the door before pausing and looking back.
‘What I will say is, I’m damn well glad I took the chance on Charlie. ’
‘Right.’ Scarlett looked into her coffee mug at the swirling liquid inside.
It was different with Nicola and Charlie though, wasn’t it?
They were made for each other, perfect together.
She and Rowan, though. She closed her eyes.
She just didn’t know. How was she supposed to know whether to risk her heart on him or not?
It wasn’t as though she had a crystal ball or a deck of tarot cards, or something. She’d be going in blind.
It was Rowan though, they’d been talking about Rowan, not some stranger, but the man who had given her a free espresso and cleaned up after she’d made a mess of his coffee cart, the man who had stepped in and saved her merchandise from any more damage at the craft fair, the man who had helped her rescue a sheep and who hadn’t batted an eyelid when she’d told him her ludicrous phobia.
It was Rowan. Rowan, who made her heart beat a little faster every time she saw him.
What if she had got it wrong? What if she had just acted on a whim, trusted a knee-jerk reaction, a reaction fed by fear rather than looking to the future, rather than letting her walls down and trusting him?
Opening her eyes, she massaged her temples as she felt a headache begin to brew.
She would never find out how he would treat her if she didn’t give him a chance, would she?
She’d never discover if their relationship would stand the test of time or be destined to end up as another scar across her heart if she didn’t take the leap of faith.
And she wouldn’t know if she was too late to change her mind unless she spoke to him.
Not yet though. She had the Christmas market to prepare for.
The question about her and Rowan would have to wait to be answered another day.
Or perhaps if she had enough time after she’d checked her stock was ready she could pop over and find him beforehand.