Chapter 31
31
Libby took a sip of the water from the glass that Katy had left on her bedside table and sank back against the pillows.
She still couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid as to fall asleep whilst leaving the cocoa beans roasting in the oven. What an idiot! She felt bad for Ethan, who had effectively handed over full use of the kitchen and what had she done? Filled it with smoke and almost burnt it down!
She shook her head. Now she had to ensure the chocolates weren’t ruined. And what if they were? Without the order for the chocolates, there would be no more income for her and her dad for the rest of the year, unless she found a job and fast.
She heard her dad’s soft tread on the floorboards on the landing and looked up as he came into the bedroom.
He looked pale and drawn. All her fault, of course. He had already been upset about Eddie’s stroke and now she had made things even worse for him by giving him something else to fret about.
‘How are you, Elizabeth?’ he asked, standing formally by her bed.
‘I’m fine,’ she croaked. ‘Everything’s fine, Dad. You don’t need to worry about me.’
He looked surprised. ‘Of course I worry about you,’ he told her.
Libby sighed and shook her head. ‘Only because I give you cause to,’ she replied. ‘I’ve always been a pain, making everything worse, making you ill and now look what a mess I’ve created! I nearly burnt down Ethan’s home!’
She felt the tears prick her eyes once more and closed them to try to stop the emotion from overcoming her. She opened them as she felt her dad sit down on the bed next to her.
His blue eyes looked at hers, confused. ‘What are you talking about?’ he asked, his eyebrows crossed into a frown. ‘How did you make me ill?’
‘You know how,’ she blurted out, the shock and fear from the evening’s traumatic events finally coming to the forefront of her emotions. ‘Your stroke, Dad! You think I don’t know that it’s all my fault?’
Her dad look horrified. ‘What do you mean?’ he said. ‘Of course, it wasn’t.’
She shook her head. ‘I know you’re trying to protect me, but it’s true. All that stress I caused you when I was messing about growing up and that triggered something. I know it. I promised Mum I’d take care of you and look what happened! I failed her. And you.’
There was a short silence whilst Libby lay there, the misery almost overwhelming her. She had made such an almighty mess of things.
So she was shocked when her dad suddenly reached out to take her hand. She looked up at him surprised. He avoided her eyes for a while, merely looking down at the contrast between her smooth skin and his wrinkled one. Then, finally, he looked up.
‘I had no idea that you’ve been blaming yourself all these years,’ he said, with a shake of his head.
‘Of course I have,’ she replied. ‘You’re so sad all the time, Dad. It breaks my heart to see you like this when you were always so passionate about your teaching.’
‘But it’s not your fault,’ he said, frowning. ‘That’s on me. I’ve been so stuck in my own misery that I hadn’t seen what it had done to you. I was always too selfish. Too wrapped up with my job and my career to see what a special daughter I had.’
‘Rubbish,’ muttered Libby. ‘I’ve been a pain to you since day one.’
‘Now who’s talking rubbish,’ replied her dad, a smile touching the corner of his eyes. ‘What a terrible job I’ve done as your father to make you feel like this.’
‘Dad,’ she began.
But he held up his hand. ‘Let me get all this out. First of all, it was a blood clot in my brain that caused the stroke. That was it. And there is no way that you could have caused it.’
Libby gave a start at his words. Was it true?
‘I’ve researched the subject since then and, believe me, I am right,’ he carried on. ‘Second, I don’t know where you get the idea that you’re a terrible daughter.’
Libby rolled her eyes. ‘Have you conveniently forgotten how lazy I was at school, messing about and too busy rebelling to get any kind of qualifications?’
‘All I know is that you’ve had a fire inside of you since the day you were born,’ he replied. ‘Qualifications aren’t everything.’
Libby was shocked. ‘But you always said that they were,’ she reminded him. ‘That education was the be-all and end-all.’
‘May I add a small amendment to my original statement?’ he asked, with a sad smile. ‘Education is necessary and hopefully a good grounding for adult life. But some things are more important. Kindness. Generosity of heart. Vitality of spirit. All of which you have in abundance, my dear daughter.’ He hesitated before carrying on. ‘If I have given you cause to think that I’m not proud of you, then let me state my feelings once and for all. You’ve worked so hard to keep a roof over our heads, taking endless plane journeys at all hours of the day and night. I am very proud to call you my daughter.’
Libby couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. ‘But, Dad, I’ve made such a mess,’ she said, with a sob. ‘I lost my job and now I can’t even use Ethan’s kitchen. I won’t reach my deadline and we won’t get paid!’
‘Don’t worry about that now,’ he told her, squeezing her hand. ‘By the way, you lied to me about where you’ve been. You didn’t tell me that you were making chocolate.’
Her shoulders sagged. ‘I didn’t want to upset you. It was something that Mum always did.’
‘I know and I had no idea that you’ve inherited her talent,’ her dad replied. ‘I wish you’d have told me.’
Libby sighed. She really had made an awful lot of bad decisions lately, she realised.
‘And I just wanted to say…’ His voice drifted off and he frowned to himself.
Figuring that he had lost his train of thought, she said, ‘It doesn’t matter, Dad. It’s late.’
He looked at her with a fierceness in his eyes. ‘It matters very much and I need to say this. Thank you. Thank you for taking care of me all these years.’
She took a sharp intake of breath. ‘I would never have left you,’ she told him. ‘Ever.’
‘I know.’ His eyes softened. ‘Anyway, I’ve spoken to both Ethan and Katy tonight,’ her dad carried on. ‘You’re not alone. You never were, although you obviously felt that you might be. And that’s all on me. My fault. My error. And I’m so very sorry for it. But from tonight, that changes. We both need to start asking for help. Reaching out to people. To stop closing ourselves off from the world. Because it’s not done either of us any good, has it?’
Libby couldn’t speak and so merely shook her head and closed her eyes as the tears streamed down her cheeks.
She suddenly felt herself being pulled gently forward and found herself held against her dad’s chest, his one good arm stretching out around her and patting her on the back.
‘There, there, my dear darling Elizabeth,’ she heard him say. ‘Everything’s going to be different now. Everything’s going to be okay.’
She sighed with something akin to relief as she tried to take in what he was telling her. Perhaps it really was a new beginning for the both of them.
He gently released her and she sank back against the pillows. ‘Now, doctor’s orders were that you rest, so try to get a good night’s sleep.’ He stood up and gave her a sad smile as he looked down at her. ‘By the way, when you’re better, I’d like to taste some of that chocolate of yours.’
‘You would?’ she murmured.
‘Of course,’ he told her. There was a short pause before he added, ‘I love you.’
Libby gulped away more tears at the words so rarely spoken between them.
‘I love you too, Dad,’ she said, her voice croaky from emotion as well as the smoke.
He reached out to give her hand another squeeze before he headed over to the door. ‘We’ll keep this open tonight because I want to keep an eye on you.’
She felt like a little girl but, for once, was grateful not to have to be the strong one, to let someone else take charge.
Suddenly overcome with exhaustion, her eyelids grew heavy. ‘Goodnight, Dad,’ she murmured, snuggling down under the covers.
‘Goodnight, my dear,’ she heard him say, before sleep pulled her into its arms.
Her dad stood watching her for a very long time until he was certain that she was peaceful and asleep before he quietly left the bedroom.