7. Elderthwaite Only
Chapter 7
Elderthwaite Only
M att took a long time to answer. He flicked the switch to clean the windscreen, as if by wiping away the smears of salty water thrown up by the van in front he could clear his thoughts.
‘I couldn’t tell her. I’m really sorry.’
‘What, nothing?’
‘Nothing.’
‘So she doesn’t know we’re a couple?’
‘No.’
‘And she doesn’t know James and me are divorced?’
‘No.’
‘But …’ Amy’s mind raced. ‘If you haven’t told her, what is she going to think when she turns up at the cottage the day after tomorrow and James isn’t here and you and I are sharing a bedroom? She’s going to know then, and we’re all going to be trapped together in a tiny cottage on Christmas Day!’
She would have been angry had Matt not looked so utterly miserable.
‘I know. But I couldn’t do it. She’d got out all the old photo albums to show Oliver, pictures of Stella when she was a little girl, all the Christmases they’d shared. She cried and I’ve hardly ever seen her cry. She said how much she was looking forward to being with us at Christmas.’
The lake was choppy and grey on their left-hand side, edged with a fringe of ice. The mountains towered around them, their grandeur matched by the vast lake and fast-flowing becks that filled it. Today, the mountains were dark, and the lake was fathomless and cold.
‘Why didn’t you phone me last night? I know Diane’s important to you and Olly, so we could’ve sorted something out. Me and Harry could’ve come on Boxing Day instead.’ She tried not to sound as panicky as she felt.
‘I know. But when it came to it, I couldn’t disappoint the boys – and I didn’t want to disappoint you.’
‘This wasn’t just your decision to make.’ She looked at him, but his attention was focussed on the narrow lakeside road. ‘I wish you’d talked to me.’
‘I am talking to you, right now.’ He sounded utterly reasonable. When she and James had disagreed about something he used to instantly blow up into a pompous and utterly un reasonable version of himself with whom she could happily disagree. It was hard to argue with Matt when he sounded so logical – and so exhausted.
‘But it’s too late to do anything about Diane now,’ she said.
‘It’s not. We’ll just have to tell her when she gets here. We’ll find a time when the boys aren’t in the room, sit her down and talk to her together.’
‘And what if she cries about Stella again?’
‘Try not to worry about it, Amy. It’s Christmas, after all, I don’t want you to worry.’ He sounded tetchy.It wasn’t as if she’d expected never to argue with Matt, but she hadn’t expected to start today, the day they had both anticipated for weeks. Above the car a solitary bird circled out over the lake, buffeted by the wind. A shiver went down the back of her neck.
‘And in the meanwhile, what are we going to tell her when she arrives?’ she asked.
‘Nothing,’ he replied, heavily.
‘So, we lie to her?’ Amy didn’t like the idea. It was fraught with risk, and it was wrong.
‘It’s not exactly lying, unless she asks us right out if we’re in a relationship. We just won’t tell her the whole truth. Not at first.’ He crunched down a gear as he went into a steep bend.
‘And what about the boys? How will we stop them talking about us?’ she asked.
‘Perhaps you could have a word with Harry, and I’ll talk to Oliver. Explain it would upset Granny Diane if she knew we were in a relationship. Ask them not to say anything, just at first.’
‘Oliver might manage it, I’ll give you that, he’s so much more sensible, but Harry? He’ll be like a ticking truth bomb.’ She glanced back at Harry, sleeping like an angel.
‘Couldn’t you persuade him?’ Matt asked.
‘It’s not about persuasion, it’s about making Harry stop and think before he says the first thing that comes into his head – and if that thing is a silly song about you and me kissing in a tree …’ She gave a wry grimace.
‘I wish it hadn’t come to this, but I couldn’t say anything yesterday. I’ve never seen her so upset. It’s not like her, Diane’s always been the strong one, the rock, while everything else fell apart around her.’
‘Christmas can bring out all kinds of insecurities,’ said Amy, as an insecurity of her own begin to nag at her. It felt like Matt was hiding something. ‘You do … you do still love me, don’t you?’ she asked, knowing that she sounded needy.
‘Of course! What makes you say that?’ The instant warmth in his voice was sincere as he turned to look at her and she saw the same warmth burn in his eyes.
‘Oh … just … you know …’ she laughed, nervously. ‘… nothing. Nothing.’ Her eyes were drawn once again to the silent, solitary bird, frozen in the icy air. A predator, waiting for its prey. Then a more immediate and practical problem struck her. ‘How have you explained that James won’t be here?’
‘I haven’t.’ He shook his head.
'What?’
‘I haven’t told her.’ A large lorry coming the other way took all his concentration for a moment as he had to move across towards the low stone wall at the edge of the road.
‘But … but … but … what are we going to tell her?’
‘Perhaps we could tell her he had to stay behind to work and he’s joining us later.’
‘And what’ll we tell her when he doesn’t join us later?’
‘We’ll have told her all about us by then.’
‘That’s what you said last week, and she still doesn’t know,’ Amy said.
‘We’ll tell her.’ Matt reached out and briefly patted her leg.
‘And if we don’t manage to find a time to talk before she wants to go to bed, where are we all going to sleep? You and me can’t share the double room if we’re not supposed to be a couple.’
‘I know,’ he said quietly. ‘I don’t want to split the boys up after we promised them they could share. If that happens, you’d better have the double, Diane can have the new little single over the kitchen and I’ll sleep on a sofa, or even the floor. I don’t mind.’
‘You might not mind, but I do.’ She tried not to let her voice rise so much that it woke the boys. ‘This isn’t going to work. It’s crazy, Matt.’
‘It’s not for long. Just until we find the right time to tell her.’
‘And what if there isn’t a right time?’ She didn’t care if she sounded snappy. ‘What if we have to pretend for the whole of Christmas?’
‘Can we just leave it for now? I can’t deal with any more of this. I’ve told you, I’ll sort it at the right time. Please, Amy.’
He sounded angry … no, not angry. She knew anger from her marriage to James, and Matt wasn’t angry. Matt sounded desperate.
Instantly, she was contrite. She knew he was juggling Oliver’s grief, and Diane’s grief as well as their own high expectations for their first real family holiday. He didn’t want to let anybody down, and he was stressed and tired from work. No wonder the strain had started to show. They’d find a way through this, they had to, and getting cross with him wouldn’t help.
‘We’ll sort this out between us.’ She placed a hand on his knee, and he didn’t even seem to notice.
‘Of course we will.’ His voice wasn’t full of confidence. ‘Of course we will.’
They approached Glenridding, the windows of the hotels and bed and breakfasts lit up with glimpses of Christmas trees twinkling inside, brief sparkles of brightness against the grey of the mountains behind them and the lake in front. Not much further to go now, but Amy’s heart sank rather than soared as they approached the turning off the main road.
‘As soon as she –’
But she never got to finish, as Oliver suddenly sat up and demanded, ‘are we nearly there yet?’
‘We are. We’ve just come off the main road, then we’ll turn into the little lane in about half a mile.’ She smiled back at him as if nothing was wrong.
‘Yeah! Harry, wake up!’ He shook his best friend’s arm.
‘I wasn’t asleep,’ said a very groggy-sounding Harry.
Matt slowed the car to turn into the narrow lane with a black and white wooden sign which pointed towards Elderthwaite Only . The sun was starting to set now, turning the sky a beautiful shade of icy primrose yellow behind the dark fells, and the ghost of a half-moon hung in the sky. The frost hadn’t melted here all day, and the tops of the gates and the walls sparkled with crystals of ice, cobwebs hung like gossamer lace on the branches of the wind-bent trees they passed.
The village of Elderthwaite was looking festive. The small, grey slate church at the side of the lane was lit by candle lanterns in the dusk; the door stood open, and inside were a trio of older ladies were weaving ivy around the font. Over the bridge and past a handful of stone-built cottages then they came to the pub. The chimney of the Shepherds’ Rest smoked heartily, and a huge wreath of holly and ivy hung on the door. From the tiny, recessed windows beams of light shone out as if to invite them in. The scene in the village couldn’t have changed much in the last two hundred years; the parishioners decking the church for the festive season and the pub ready to welcome weary travellers into the warmth of the roaring inglenook fire.
It was good to be back, with Matt in the car beside her. She watched him in the fading light on this, the shortest day of the year. He concentrated on the road, staring straight in front of him, jaw set and eyes on the way ahead. They moved forwards, as they drove the final miles towards Elder Fell Farm. Even though they were travelling in the same direction Amy couldn’t help but wonder, were they really travelling together, or separately?