Chapter 46
Louis came today and we had lunch together when he told me his R&R leave is almost over and he will be going home next week.
Of course I’m pleased for him, but oh, I am going to miss him so much.
I shall be going home myself though fairly soon – once I’ve plucked up the courage I know I’m going to need.
I’m trying not to think about the future too much, because I’m terrified of my parents’ reaction to my news.
I’m also in a quandary over what to do about Stéphane.
Do I tell him about the baby? I don’t have any intention of asking him for help, so does he need to know?
He’s already got a family. Will he care?
I don’t want him in mine, or the child’s life, so I’m veering towards going home with my guilty secret and leaving him in ignorance.
On the days the Louis couldn’t leave Villefranche-sur-mer and join me for lunch, I’ve been eating my meal in a quiet bistro in one of the back streets rather than either Café Felix or Brasserie Jules, hoping to avoid Stéphane when he returned. I knew he’d find me eventually.
Today, he turned up at the bistro, simply pulled out a chair and looked at me.
‘Why have you been avoiding me?’
I stared at him, remembering the way I’d been attracted to him the first time we met. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were married?’
‘You didn’t ask.’
‘I don’t think you would have told me the truth anyway.’
He gave me one of his shrugs.
‘I gather you already have a son, and your wife is pregnant again.’
He nodded, somewhat nonchalantly I felt, which annoyed me.
Unexpectedly, I found myself responding and forgetting my earlier decision. ‘I’m pregnant too.’
The reaction on his face was fleeting but I saw it. I had unnerved him for a second before he hit back.
‘You sure it’s mine and not your fancy boyfriend’s Lieutenant Turner?’
‘Definitely yours.’
‘Can you get rid of it? I’ll pay.’
‘I’m going to forget you said that. Did you make the same offer to Odette?’ I asked quietly, wanting him to deny that he was the father of her baby, something I was beginning to suspect.
He took a cigarette out of his packet, found his lighter, lit the cigarette, and blew out a puff of smoke before answering me. ‘Non. She wants to keep it.’
‘Three babies expected before the end of the year. Gosh, what a busy man you’ve been.’
He gave me a half shrug. His face expressionless as he asked, ‘So you’ll be going home soon then?’
‘Probably, but I don’t want to see you ever again.’ I paused. ‘Now, I’d like you to leave.’
He stood up slowly. ‘You’ve still got the brooch I lent you for Valentine’s night?’
‘Yes, I have.’ I immediately felt wrong-footed. ‘Sorry, I forgot you said you wanted it back. I’ll leave it with your friends at Brasserie Jules if you’re happy for me to do that. Or Café Felix?’
Stéphane shook his head. ‘Keep it. Sell it when you get home. It might help a bit. And Evelyn? I’m sorry. I will never forget the time I spent with you.’
As I watched him walk away, I realised, in retrospect, why my rant about men forgetting their marriage vows had made him laugh and call me na?ve.
Because at that moment hearing him say he would never forget the time he’d spent with me, I sensed he had genuinely liked me.
Had maybe even loved me a little. Like I had him.
But for all the multiple reasons which had only recently surfaced, it was a relationship that was never destined to last.
‘Merci beaucoup. I will keep the brooch and pass it on to the child,’ I called out quietly to his retreating figure.
He didn’t turn around but raised his arm, waving his hand holding the cigarette in acknowledgement. A typical Stéphane gesture I knew I would remember forever.
Stéphane asking me when I would be going home was a harsh reminder of what I will have to face when I return to America.
I might have been full of bravado telling him that I was keeping the baby, but I know full well it’s not going to be that easy.
It goes without saying that everyone, particularly my mom, is going to be disappointed by my actions.
Mom has always encouraged me to live the kind of life I wanted for myself, even if the conventions of the age we live in are restrictive. I feel like I am letting her down.