Chapter 24
24
ROSS
‘I always was the spare,’ Ross muttered as he headed past Ivy’s desk into the main hallway, ignoring her shouts. His insides felt like they were withering to dust but he refused to acknowledge those feelings. All he knew was he had to get home to Christmas Resort so he could lick his wounds and reset. To withdraw to a place where he’d be able to forget this last week. ‘But I was still enough of an eejit to fall for it.’ He stormed along the hallway, berating himself. He’d been stupid enough to fall for Ivy too.
Ross ignored the multiple paintings of his ancestors as he got closer to the front of the castle, trying to catch his breath. He’d known this would happen – had predicted from the very first moment he’d heard Miriam’s PA had booked an appointment to see him at the resort that engaging with his grandmother again would end badly. Sure, he hadn’t known exactly what she had wanted, but he’d known deep in his bones that he didn’t matter. That Miriam only cared about Simon. But he’d let Ivy seduce him into believing something else. Worse, he hadn’t seen that she’d been using him too.
‘Eejit,’ he snapped, sick with hurt and self-disgust.
He reached the portcullis and heard Ivy yell his name again. Heard the sound of her silly red boots sliding on the tiled floor. He contemplated opening the door and sprinting to his Land Rover so he could leave before she caught up. But he’d spent too many years hiding from his problems. So instead, he stopped and turned, shoving his hands into his pockets as he watched Ivy approach, his expression deliberately cold.
‘It’s not how it sounds,’ Ivy said, her voice hoarse. ‘I mean, it is, but it wasn’t supposed to end like this.’
She looked so upset Ross had to stop himself from immediately forgiving her. Every cell in his body wanted to tell her everything was okay. That he’d forget what had just happened.
But he couldn’t. She’d lied to him, deceived him – and all for a job. He’d never felt so betrayed. But he should have seen it coming. He’d always been second best; he should have been used to it by now.
‘I’m listening,’ Ross said, coldly. Not because he wanted to hear what Ivy had to say, but because he was sure once she began to explain, she’d realise there really was no justification for what she’d done. To draw him here on false pretences? Had Simon known too? Just the thought made the breath catch in his throat.
‘It wasn’t about the job,’ Ivy implored before muttering an oath. ‘Okay, that’s not true. We both know that. At first it was.’ She swallowed, her expression shattered.
Ivy took a step towards him and Ross forced himself to hold his ground because he didn’t want her to know how much she affected him.
‘But then I met you and you told me what had happened with your parents. I saw how much your family meant to you – so I wanted to help you put things right. I wanted you to reconnect. Everything I told you was true. I believed Miriam wanted you here. I had no idea this was all a ploy to trick Simon into coming back instead.’ Ivy’s eyes welled when he didn’t say a word. ‘Everything you told me about your grandmother was true…’ she whispered.
Ross sucked in air as he looked around the hallway for one last time. At the wide staircase he remembered his parents walking down, at the floors that were always buffed to a shine, at the chandelier above them that threw colours across the walls when the sun set. There were so many memories wound into the fabric of this place. A few were even happy, but most he’d rather forget. Especially today.
It was no wonder he’d shut himself away in Christmas Resort, no wonder he’d turned his back on Hawthorn Castle and his family.
‘Well, I thank you for your efforts,’ Ross said stiffly, steeling himself from caving in when Ivy’s eyes filled. ‘It sounds like you’ve been rewarded adequately for your services to the family cause. Simon’s back where he belongs, and you’ve got the future you and your mam have been craving. Well done.’ He looked at her coldly.
‘I know how this looks. But I only wanted you to be happy,’ Ivy implored, twisting her hands in knots.
He could see hurt on her face, hurt at his rejection – but the anger he felt burned away any sympathy he might also have.
‘I know how it feels to miss your family,’ she said, her voice thick. ‘I didn’t want that for you.’
‘I appreciate that,’ Ross said dispassionately. ‘But I’m afraid you didn’t quite get the desired result. You should have left me alone. I was content.’ He heard the rough rasp in his voice that proved he was lying and hoped Ivy hadn’t heard it too.
‘I know what I did was wrong,’ she said, nodding. ‘If I’d realised Miriam was just trying to manipulate you, that this was only ever about Simon…’ She swallowed, her eyes shining with more tears. ‘I would have said no. I wish I had.’
She took a step closer and Ross held his ground, determined not to show her how close he was to breaking down.
‘I’m second choice,’ he said flatly. ‘I accepted that a long time ago – and I should probably thank you for reminding me.’
‘You’re not second choice for me.’ A tear escaped and slid down Ivy’s cheek. ‘I care about you,’ she choked.
‘I don’t think I can bring myself to believe that, Ivy,’ Ross said, his voice emotionless. He scratched a hand through his hair, feeling desolate. ‘You sold me out for the price of a job.’ He saw the shock of his words hit as if she’d been punched. ‘I knew I didn’t measure up as a grandson or Laird, but I’ve never come second to a rung on a career ladder before. Perhaps I should thank you – for reminding me to never let my guard down, for showing me exactly how low someone is prepared to stoop to get what they want.’
Ivy gasped, gaping at him as more tears spilled from her eyes. ‘That’s not what happened. And I don’t even want the job.’ Her voice wobbled.
Ross wondered if those were the first honest words she’d spoken since they’d met.
‘I really don’t know if I’m going to take it.’ The minute the words left Ivy’s mouth she looked surprised.
‘You won’t let your mother down,’ Ross said, dismissing her words. ‘Especially considering it’ll be a sad waste of all that time and effort you invested.’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘You were so good at it too: I believed every word you said.’ Ivy flinched and he frowned as a thought occurred to him. ‘Was the story about your da true, or did you make it up because you wanted me to fall for you?’ He swallowed because it had worked, and he knew it would be a long time before he could think about letting anyone get close to him again. Perhaps he never would. Maybe he would end up like Grizzle, living alone in the woods with his pets. Right now the thought appealed.
‘It wasn’t like that,’ Ivy whispered, her face paling, and she went to rest a hand on the banister of the large staircase as if she were struggling to stand on her own. ‘And, yes, everything I told you about my family was the truth. I didn’t lie, Ross.’
‘Aside from when you omitted to tell me that this whole thing’ – he waved a hand between them, feeling a fresh wave of bitterness – ‘was about a job.’
Ivy’s face fell and Ross’s stomach pitched.
‘I know it was wrong of me not to mention it,’ she said, rushing to get the words out. ‘I guessed you’d get the wrong idea and I didn’t want you to think I was using you.’
‘Yet you did use me, Ivy,’ Ross said, leaning back against the door. Drawing comfort from the fact that he was only a few moments away from walking through it. That as soon as he did, he’d be leaving Ivy, his grandmother and Simon in his past once and for all.
She shook her head. ‘I don’t know how many times I can say that I didn’t know what Miriam was planning.’ She straightened and wrapped her arms around herself. ‘I honestly believed your grandmother wanted you here. Ross, you have to believe me,’ she pleaded, her cheeks reddening. ‘She never told me what she was planning?—’
‘You even let me call Simon on your mobile. Because you’d been planning for me to talk to him first the whole time,’ Ross continued blandly, as if she hadn’t spoken. ‘I went along with it.’ There had been so many clues that Ivy had been manipulating him. Things that were suddenly so clear.
‘It wasn’t like that,’ Ivy said, her voice a whisper. ‘You must know I’m not like that.’
‘It was exactly like that,’ Ross said flatly. ‘I hope you’re happy in your new life,’ he added, moving away from the door because he couldn’t bear to hear her lies anymore. ‘At least your mam will finally stop worrying and you’ll get the career she always wanted you to have. Just?—’
Ross wanted to fight the words, wanted to hurt Ivy even more, but as he sharpened his claws and tried to come up with the right things to say to eviscerate her, he couldn’t go through with it. ‘Just—’ His shoulders sagged. ‘Think about what you want, Ivy,’ he said as tears streamed down her face. ‘Don’t live your life trying to make someone else happy – because I promise you it won’t be enough.’
‘I—’ Ivy sobbed as he turned and reached for the door handle.
‘Take it from someone who knows,’ he added softly. Then Ross marched from the castle without looking back, ignoring Ivy as she called for him to return.
It was only when he was in his car and halfway down the driveway that he realised there were tears on his cheeks too.