Chapter 14
‘This is better, right?’ Gabriella said, clapping her glove-clad hands together then holding them outwards towards the gas flames of one of the two patio heaters she had ordered for the balcony from room service earlier.
It seemed that twenty-four-hour club sandwiches weren’t the only thing they could conjure up if a VIP guest demanded it.
Phoebe looked less than convinced as she pulled her chair through the residue of sleet on the tiles to be nearer to the warmth, dressed like she was ready for Antarctica not just New York in winter. ‘It’s still cold.’
‘I know,’ Gabriella said, coming to sit opposite Phoebe.
‘But it’s away from Cheyenne and it’s atmospheric and look at NYC!
It’s right there and we are in the middle of it.
’ She took a breath and observed the high-rises surrounding them, the bright illuminations through the misty air, the string of traffic on the street heading north.
‘And we have caramel coffees. Always a good thing, right?’
‘You can just tell me what Cheyenne said now. About the new book cover. About Mum’s drawing.’
Yes, Gabriella needed to remember that Phoebe was sixteen, not six anymore. In two years’ time she would be a fully-fledged adult. Ready to be independent in every way. But her thinking, that was already independent, had been from the second she’d had to grow up faster than most.
Gabriella sighed. ‘The special US edition is green. I mean green, what were they thinking?’ She gently nudged a coffee cup on the table toward Phoebe.
‘Green has never been popular for books, I looked it up. But, it’s had a resurgence. Now it’s supposed to be calming and remind people of freshly cut grass,’ Phoebe informed her.
Gabriella frowned. ‘Why did you look it up?’
‘Because… I’ve seen the new cover.’ She sighed, wrapping her hands around the cup of coffee.
‘What? How?’
‘Because you can’t do anything without leaving an internet trail. I had to dig a bit but, I found it.’
Gabriella stood. She needed to go inside the suite and get her phone. She had to see this.
‘You don’t need to see it now,’ Phoebe said. ‘Trust me. You won’t like it.’
‘Great!’ Gabriella exclaimed. ‘So, the book I’m going to have to publicise on American TV looks like shit.’
‘More like spinach I’d say,’ Phoebe said. ‘Or one of those healthy smoothies you talk about in chapter nine.’
Gabriella thumped down into her seat and put her hat-covered head into her hands. ‘Why is this happening? Why are All Chapters turning into a dictatorship to rival the Trump administration?’
‘Trump wanted something green too,’ Phoebe stated nonchalantly. ‘A whole country.’
‘It’s not right,’ Gabriella said. ‘They can’t just change things like that. Your mum’s drawing on the back cover and two poems. It’s…’ She stopped talking when she realised she had just blurted out some of the other things Cheyenne had told her had been left out of this new edition.
‘It’s business,’ Phoebe said, putting down the cup.
‘Well, yes,’ Gabriella agreed. ‘But, also no. And it’s important, Phoebe.
That’s why I made sure your mum’s artwork and her poetry were at the very heart of the book.
I wouldn’t have agreed to this book if it wasn’t about remembering your mum.
’ Except, in reality, she had very little control over the final content.
Lately, All Chapters Publishing seemed to dictate like Kim Jong Un.
‘I know,’ Phoebe said, nodding.
Gabriella studied her niece. ‘Why are you cool with this? Are you cool with this? Because I’m not cool and I would expect you to be less chill than me.’
Phoebe took a slow breath that gently inflated her chest and raised her shoulders. ‘I’m trying to see the bright side.’
‘Like… the sun’ll come out tomorrow kind of bright side?’
‘Like… the most important thing about the book should be saving people’s lives.’
The way Phoebe had said it was so matter of fact but also with such an air of finality. It made Gabriella realise, yet again, how wise beyond her years her niece was. She nodded. ‘You’re right. Absolutely.’
‘That’s what I tell myself when I get sad,’ Phoebe carried on.
‘That people who buy the book and read the book, they want to make their life the best it can be and that’s what everyone should do.
’ Phoebe took a breath. ‘And no matter how much I miss Mum, she will always be with me because she existed. And once you’ve existed, you can’t un-exist. She’s part of me, she’s part of you, not just in our genetics but in our memories, in our thoughts, in the things we do.
Like, I feel sometimes she’s still with us, watching from somewhere with pretty lights and she can see exactly what’s going on. Don’t you?’
Gabriella swallowed, emotion hitting hard as Phoebe’s eyes fixed on hers. She nodded. ‘Sometimes.’
‘She would also have hated the green cover and she would have been really cross that her drawing wasn’t on it. But she wouldn’t have got mad outwardly,’ Phoebe said. ‘She would have said something like “well, you can’t expect everyone to appreciate true artistry when they see it”.’
Gabriella smiled as Phoebe brought Lulu’s voice back to life. ‘She would definitely have said that.’
‘So, it’s OK,’ Phoebe said, picking up the cup again, her flaxen hair shining in the light from the heaters. ‘You shouldn’t pull out Cheyenne’s hair extensions or pull out of creating a second book. For now.’
‘For now,’ Gabriella agreed.
‘And, you’re getting a stylist,’ Phoebe reminded her.
‘For now,’ Gabriella answered. ‘Once she sees what she’s working with she will definitely quit.’
‘Do you think she might be able to help me with an outfit? For one of the events?’
Along with the talk shows and bookstores, Gabriella had a department store signing and other New York glitterati events.
It wasn’t Gabriella’s scene at all, but she had had to spend most of her life having to talk the talk and walk the walk when she really desired to speak a very different language and make strides of an opposing kind.
‘I think we will make it a condition of us attending them. Cheyenne and All Chapters might have control over Zero Fucks Given but the Felixes themselves? Not for sale.’ She held her cup up towards Phoebe’s. ‘Let’s drink caramel to that.’
* * *
It was just past midnight. Cheyenne had finally taken her laptop and diary of events to her own room and Phoebe had gone to bed a few hours ago, the time difference and fatigue kicking in.
Gabriella was back out on the balcony, keeping cosy by the patio heater, alone with her thoughts…
and the burger that had just been delivered from Loulou’s.
Breathe. Opening the wrapper, she revealed the large beef patty, topped with caramelised onion and cheddar set on top of lettuce and tomato.
It looked and smelled like… freedom. She closed her eyes and took that first bite, letting everything but the moment leave her mind. And then…
I do not like the green. It’s a Shrek green not a beautiful gown worn by a forest nymph.
Gabriella smiled to herself, her sister’s voice filling her head loud and clear.
‘So, you’ve seen it then. Before me?’
I don’t think I can see things. And I don’t think I can know things before you either. Or if I even know things at all.
Gabriella nodded. ‘OK, that’s fair. I shouldn’t have asked a question.’
You can ask questions, Ella-Bella. But you know a voice in your head is going to be a little bit biased in its answers. Because if I was completely real then that would mean you were halfway to madness or halfway to being studied by a brain institute. I don’t know which is worse. Let’s not dwell.
Gabriella took another bite of the burger, seeking the quiet amid the street noises of the city.
‘I will get your drawing on the cover again, Lulu. And the poems put back. There will be other editions and then there’s the second book—’
They don’t appreciate true artistry.
Gabriella smiled.
You know I’ve always wanted to dance here. The lights are brighter, yet the stars are brighter too. Isn’t that silly?
Gabriella looked to the night sky. She couldn’t see many stars for the light pollution but there were some, perhaps planets rather than stars and then a beautiful moon.
I’m closer to them than you.
Gabriella swallowed, grief pinching. She wished Lulu wasn’t closer to the stars. She wished she was here. With her.
But do you know what’s even brighter than all the stars?
‘Hopefully not that green cover,’ Gabriella replied. ‘I don’t want to be forever known as the author who blinded a talk-show host.’
My Phoebe.
Gabriella held on to the burger and tried to hold on to her emotions.
I was never the strong one. You are, Ella-Bella. And you make Phoebe stronger too.
‘You were stronger than you ever got to realise,’ Gabriella whispered into the dark.
Maybe I can be stronger exactly where I am.
She took a breath and put what was left of the burger back into the wrapper. ‘Maybe you can.’ She tightened the paper until it was in a neat package. ‘Maybe you will.’
Go to bed, Sleepyhead.
‘Goodnight, Lulu.’