Chapter 22
Jackson is comfy, this was the best night sleep he’s had in ages.
His mattress is firm with a little give, a blanket just heavy enough to hold off the chill of late winter, pillow soft and wa-wait a damn minute.
Jackson didn’t have a blanket on nor did he sleep in his bed last night.
He stirs awake, letting his eyes adjust to the light filtering in from the glass terrace doors.
Jackson’s face turns red as memories of last night flood back into his mind, and how it had ended.
He is still lying atop Eddie, who is sleeping surprisingly soundly under him.
Another sound catches Jackson’s ear as he turns to see Hakeem dozed off on the loveseat, wand fallen to his side.
Princess Bandit scurries up to Jackson to greet him with a cheerful chitter.
“Good morning, Princess, sorry for scaring you last night. I probably owe you extra snacks just as much as I owe Hakeem an explanation.” Princess purrs in anticipation of emotional support snacks.
“I think that means she finds those terms acceptable.” Jackson looks up from his spot atop of Eddie to see Hakeem waking up from his sleep on the loveseat, sitting up on his elbows. “Good morning, Jackson. How are you feeling?”
No anger laces his voice, only concern. Jackson assumes Hakeem must’ve been furious when he got home to a destroyed apartment, anyone else would have been…right?
Jackson would be out for blood. Though, all he sees before him is a man worried about his health.
Slowly and careful not to wake Eddie, Jackson slips out of the man’s embrace. He instantly grieves Eddie’s warmth and the comfort he provided. “I’m fine, but I owe you an explanation for the state of-” Jackson stops in his tracks.
He scans the apartment, not a scratch to be found. All traces of last night wiped away, the lingering memories of tears shed and the taste of Eddie on his tongue the only proof that last night wasn’t just one long, tortuous nightmare. “How? Did Eddie wake up and make a wish to fix everything?”
Hakeem shakes his head and rubs his eyes. With a stretch and a yawn, Hakeem gets up from his reclined position and makes his way to the kitchen.
He talks back to Jackson over his shoulder as he grabs a glass of water.
He’s suffering from a nasty case of morning dry mouth.
“No wish needed. I’ve spent years learning and analyzing spells for situations like this.
Well, maybe not exactly like this. Using the mana well reserves I cast a spell to repair the damage done.
” He pours himself a glass of water and chugs like a man lost in the desert for a month.
Jackson’s gaze wanders to the bob of Hakeem’s Adam’s apple, the slight trail of water that dribbles down his chin into his clavicle.
He focused on how his lips part with a sigh of relief as the water soothes his parched throat, glistening with moisture.
He is staring far too much but can’t take his eyes off the man who just casually admitted to fixing all the damage to their home while Jackson slept unaware.
Hakeem wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he makes his way to the stairs. He pats Jackson on his shoulder, touch gentle, goosebumps prickling up where Hakeem’s hand rests. “You can tell me everything I need to know after I get a shower and change out of last night’s clothes, okay?”
Jackson doesn’t feel like he deserves such leeway, but can’t deny the kindness on Hakeem’s face. “Yeah, okay.”
Hakeem is still dazed, mind clouded from over use of magic the night prior.
He kisses Jackson lightly on the cheek before heading upstairs.
The same type of kiss he greets his aunt or cousins with, a quick peck to say hello or goodbye.
Hakeem gets in the shower, letting hot water rain down on him from the shower head, soaking his brown curls.
Melting away his soreness from sleeping on the couch and overexertion.
It is only now, does he realize how that small peck on the cheek might seem to Jackson.
He’s not from a similar background as Hakeem, a kiss on the cheek might seem much more affectionate than friendly.
The heat from the water on his tan skin is ice cold in comparison to the blush racing up his neck, staining his cheeks. “Ya Hakeem, why did you do that?”
* * *
Jackson is left in a daze where he stood, a hand holding the cheek momentarily graced by Hakeem’s lips.
His mind races at what it could mean. Does Hakeem hold feelings for him?
Was that a sign of affection he commonly used for friends or family?
Was it his way of telling Jackson not to worry about last night?
Were his lips always so soft and warm? What would they taste like on his own?
“Okay, Jackson Nocturne! One step at a fucking time.” He exclaims while shaking his head, these trances of his have got to come to an end.
“Well good morning to you too.” A hearty laugh, raspy from having just woken up, catches Jackson’s attention.
He turns to the couch, the back of which is as good as new, to see Eddie looking up at him from over its edge.
His eyes are soft and filled with a longing gaze, piercing past all of Jackson’s defenses to stir his very soul.
His heart quickens and he feels his palms grow sweaty.
“Hey, sorry to wake you, how are you feeling? I took a decent amount of blood last night so take it easy.”
Eddie stands up to stretch, the flex of his arm muscles and the way his shirt lifts up just enough to expose the dark hairs under his naval cause a lump to form in Jackson’s throat.
He closes his eyes to try and swallow, turning his head away from the man he slept on last night.
He is definitely staring too much these days and is dangerously close to blurting his feelings out before he’s ready to face them head on.
“Nothing a good breakfast can’t fix, though I’m glad to have the day off work. Minimal classes too. Are you hungry?” Eddie makes his way over to Jackson, a warm smile spreading over his face. He cups Jackson’s cheek in his hand as he holds his gaze.
Jackson’s brain misfires, unable to process the affection so clearly radiating from Eddie’s touch. His mouth dries, tongue thickening in his mouth. He can’t even think of what to say. “Uh, uh huh.”
Eddie chuckles as he plants a kiss on Jackson’s other cheek, worsening his confusion. “Couldn’t let Hakeem have all the fun. Can you make the coffee while I cook us something to eat?”
Had Eddie seen Hakeem kiss Jackson’s cheek?
Did he know what it meant? Was he jealous or teasing?
Did Jackson want him to be jealous? What did the forehead kiss mean?
Exactly how much did Jackson say last night?
Nothing makes sense yet it doesn’t make Jackson as frustrated as it should have.
Was he happy being shown so much affection from the two men he lived with?
Would he let himself be happy? Was he allowed to be?
His brain is a mess whilst Eddie still holds his cheek softly.
“Yeah, I can make the coffee,” is all he can squeak out.
Eddie works diligently in the kitchen, eggs frying in a large batch, stacks of pancakes piling on three plates.
He tosses some sausages in the oven when it finishes preheating.
Jackson gets a pot of coffee brewing for him and Eddie; Hakeem’s aunt had sent over some Turkish coffee last week.
It was strong and went down smoothly. They were getting addicted to the taste and had it for breakfast most mornings these days.
He also brews a small pot of Hakeem’s favorite Ceylon tea, the earthy scent tickling his nostrils.
Hakeem makes his way back down from his room, hair still damp from the shower. Curls sticking slightly to his forehead from the residual moisture. “Smells good. Need a hand, Eddie?”
“You did plenty, it seems. Sit your butt down, mister.” Says Eddie without turning around. The boys share a laugh. Hakeem settles into a stool where Jackson hands him a freshly brewed cup of tea.
“Two sugars, just how you like it,” Jackson’s voice is small as thoughts of this morning stirs in his mind.
Hakeem graciously takes the cup, letting the aroma seep into his nose with a deep inhale. A small sip and he can tell it was made just right. “It’s perfect, Jackson, thank you.”
The boys have a leisurely breakfast. It was getting later in the morning but they had just enough time to eat before classes.
Jackson nurses his cup of coffee as he contemplates how to tell Hakeem about last night, and how much he needed to know.
One look at how Hakeem and Eddie were talking idly, not an ounce of judgment lacing their tones, stirred his heart.
The apartment was a wreck last night. Jackson was a mess.
He fell asleep on Eddie and neither of them pried further assuming it was just a bad night.
Eddie let him share his worries and fears and Hakeem still hasn’t asked about the damage despite being the one to fix it in one evening.
Jackson sighs heavily. He rolls his shoulders back and taps Hakeem on the shoulder.
“Yes, Jackson?” Hakeem’s eyes are so kind it’s disarming. He should be furious to find the apartment in such a state, even if the worst of it was in Jackson’s room.
“I need to tell you about last night. About what happened, and why.”
“Jackson you don’t have to if it’s too-”
Jackson holds up a hand to cut Hakeem off, “No, please. I need to stop burying this, letting more people in helps more than I realized. Especially if it’s you two.”
Hakeem is seated next to Jackson on his right and laces their hands together, did he realize what he was doing?
Eddie had gotten up to join Jackson on his left, a hand delicately placed on his shoulder for support.
Jackson takes a shaky inhale and tells Hakeem about last night. He tells him everything.
He waits for a sign that Hakeem saw him as the monster he saw himself as all these years, for a sign he hated Jackson for what he had done.
He expected it like he did with Eddie last night, and just the same, the sign never came.
Hakeem sat there and listened, his eyes filling with tears.
He holds on to Jackson’s hand tighter, his breath shuddering as he inhales, but he never interrupts.
Jackson exposes his old wounds to the world, his fears and anxieties laid bare.
He doesn’t cry as heavily as he did in Eddie’s arms, though a few loose tears trailed down his cheek.
“And that’s why my magic acted out, it’s at least the best theory.
The thought of losing you, even if it was just a half baked cultist and a third rate curse, it stirred memories of that night.
Instead of facing them, I ran for years and they finally broke free thirty years ago when I almost caused a disaster at the castle.
And again, last night. When I met you two, the hole in my heart was filled for the first time in over half a century.
I’m glad I met you two and wouldn’t change it for the world.
But I also understand if you don’t want to live with a murde-”
Jackson is cut off by Hakeem throwing his arms around him, Eddie steadying them both from falling.
“Thank you for telling me, Jackson, I’m glad you could confide in us.
There have been times, at my lowest moments, when I wanted revenge on those who killed my mother.
Revenge for the pain they caused my uncle and for the burden of having him and his young wife raise a newborn after losing his sister.
I can’t deny I haven’t looked up old forbidden magics used to curse your enemies, I got in trouble for that as you can imagine,” Hakeem chuckles bitterly, the sound gravelly as he holds back tears.
“Magic is neither innately good or evil, it just reacts to the truest and strongest emotions of its caster. I hope you never have to be pushed to the point where spilling blood is the only option, but I will not judge you for a shattered heart. You are a good person, and I know you will do great things that will show the world how great you are.”
Jackson can’t hold back his own tears, breaking out into a silent sob. He buries his face into the crook of Hakeem’s neck. “Why?”
Eddie squeezes his shoulder and leans in, “Why what, Jackson?”
Hakeem tightens his hold. Barely a month ago Jackson was the one providing him comfort, how the tables have turned.
“Why do you both overlook the fact that I have killed, that my outburst could have hurt Eddie? There is blood on my hands and I shouldn’t be forgiven for my crimes.
How can you both not see me as a monster? ”
Hakeem pulls away slowly, taking Jackson’s hand in his own, letting his magic spark to life between them.
“I know what dangerous magic feels like, not only from the curse. I feel the magic of those who killed my mother in my darkest nightmares. It’s a cruel, chilly and sickening thing.
My djinn half opens me up to magic, revealing its best kept secrets.
It’s how spells come so easily to me even if I knew at the time I could never cast them myself.
Your magic, OUR magic, Jackson, is warm and kind.
It feels like home, not like a murderer’s.
“I don’t see you as a monster because I can see you for who you are, Jackson, not who you were made to be.
” Hakeem shifts his attention from Jackson to look at Eddie, who gives a small nod.
“We both do. You are a kind, funny and sometimes awkward man. You treat those closest to you with such care it makes you a treasure on this world. I will not judge you on your past because I can see a bright future with-I mean- for you.” Hakeem nearly let his heart out on that last line.
He’s not ready to say it out loud, but knows it’s the truth.
Jackson wipes away his tears and turns to look at both men around him, the home he rebuilt after so many years of denying himself the chance.
He wants to tell them how he truly felt, to let loose all the warm emotions he held for them.
But there is still a dark part of him that strove to deny himself that.
He isn’t going to give up without a fight, he just needed more time.
“Thank you, both of you. If I can be selfish, can I ask you both for your support going forward? I’m going to try and be more honest with myself, but I know I can’t do it alone.
I’ll see about going to a session of therapy or two a week to work on a healthier coping mechanism, it seems I’m due for an upgrade on my current ones. ”
The boys share a soft laugh, Hakeem still holding onto Jackson’s hand and Eddie still standing close. Eddie nods to Hakeem as understanding blooms between them, “You can count on us. We aren’t going anywhere, anytime soon.”