15. Gigi
15
GIGI
KING OF WISHFUL THINKING
I slept like shit.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Parker’s face. Her big blue eyes, blinking guilelessly up at me. Her pillowy pink lips, parted in anticipation. The quickened breaths that teased my face as I leaned in closer.
God. If Simon hadn’t crashed through that moment like a hand grenade, I’d have known. I’d have finally known what her lips felt like against mine. I’d have tasted heaven.
My body ran both hot and cold all night. The heat of wanting instantly cooled by reality. Of all the women to crash into my psyche, to fill me with piercing, needy desire, why did it have to be her?
Her, who was into someone else. A friend of mine, no less. Her, who was the cherished sister of another friend. Her, who was so good, so sweet and kind, so perfectly perfect that I could never, in all my life of trying, be good enough for her.
Kicking the tangled sheets away from my legs, I starfished on my bed and glared at the ceiling. Morning light had started to creep in between the slats of my blinds. It was still early. Too early. I worked tonight. I needed to sleep.
With a groan, I threw my arm over my eyes, blocking out the light, and tried to force myself to relax. My brain to shut off.
Almost as if intentionally taunting me, it cued up visions of last night. Again.
You want me .
You want me.
You…want…me.
A steady pulse thrummed between my legs. My next breath faltered. Squeezing my thighs together, I squeezed my eyes tighter. No, I told my body. Not right now. Not while thinking of her .
But my body wasn’t listening. Neither was my brain. Because the next image that flashed through it was of something that had never happened at all. Me, pulling Parker against me, tight enough to feel her every soft curve molding itself to my body. Me, dipping my head and taking her lips with mine. Me, thrusting my hands into her hair, tilting her head back, kissing her deep and long, wringing every sigh, every moan from her and drinking them down.
“Fuck,” I whispered, my hand helplessly training over my stomach, slipping beneath the waistband of my underwear. I was wet. So wet. My middle finger slid between my folds, finding my aching center. A whimper left my lips as I arched my hips into my touch.
She’d taste sublime, I bet. Like sunshine and sex dancing on my tongue. My breathing hitched as my mind played it out: her, splayed on my bed, long, dark hair spread out over the pillows, those soft, white thighs open for me. Me between them, watching her beautiful face as I lapped and licked. She’d turn the most gorgeous shade of pink as she neared the edge, I just knew it.
Sparks shot up into my abdomen. I gasped, my touch faster. “Yes,” I hissed, turning my head to bury my face in my pillow.
Yes, she’d whimper, her hands in my hair, holding me in place as I hit the right spot. More. Please.
I’d oblige, fingers delving into her, finding her hot and soaking.
Slipping my fingers lower, I thrust them into my pussy, grinding my palm against my clit. My heels dug into the mattress as I raised my hips. So close. I was so close.
“That’s it,” I whispered, and I didn’t know if I was talking to myself or the phantom of Parker in my mind. “Just like that.”
And then I exploded. Flashes of light sprayed behind my eyelids, interspersed with visions of Parker, head thrown back, mouth open on a moan as she came on my fingers, on my face.
It was a piercing release, sharp and strong and intense. I clenched my thighs tight around my hand, my other hand gripping my sheets tight as I rode the wave to its crash landing.
As I came down, breathing ragged, heart slamming, I blinked my eyes open. Slowly, I oriented myself back to the moment. To reality. To the burgeoning light coming in the window and the sounds of Luke getting up for the day.
As reality hit, I went cold. Shame was more effective than an ice bucket poured over my head.
“Shit,” I muttered, pushing into a sitting position. Bringing a hand to my face, I scrubbed my eyes, trying to rid myself of the explicit thoughts that had taken over. It felt wrong, thinking of her in that way. Sweet, lovely Parker, who didn’t even know how to flirt. Who’d baked three different kinds of cookies because she wasn’t sure which one I liked best.
Who looked at me like she’d die without my kiss.
She wasn’t mine to fantasize about.
But, god, I wanted her to be.
“Fuck.” Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I shook the last vestiges of orgasm from my body. The last wisps of fantasy, too.
Because that was all it’d ever be.
“Damn,” Dante said as I walked into work later that night. “You look like you got hit by a bus.”
“Feel like it, too.” I ducked into the office to drop my shit off, and circled back into the kitchen. “How’re things going?” I flicked my gaze toward Kai, who had their back to us while they prepped for open.
“Good, good.” He threw his hand towel over his shoulder and joined me on the outskirts of the kitchen. “Kid’s got it down to a science.”
I leaned a shoulder against his and watched as Kai went about their tasks, bopping along to whatever song they had playing in their headphones. Gone was the bumbling baby gazelle that spent the first three weeks of their employ spilling mop buckets and dropping glasses. A new confidence had taken shape. They were like the Simone Biles of the kitchen.
Nodding, I faced Dante with my own newfound confidence. “You up for training at the bar tonight?”
He whirled to face me. “You serious?”
“Yeah, I’m serious.” I met his eyes, alight with surprise. “I talked to Vaughn. He said that as long as we’re both sure Kai can handle things back here, he’s thrilled to move you up.”
Emotion creased across his face, surprise and happiness in every smile line and crinkle around his eyes. “Thank you,” he said, putting a hand to his chest.
“Don’t get all sappy on me.” I shoved him away, a huge smile fighting its way onto my face. “Just do a damn good job.”
“You know I will.”
I nodded, certainty like a warm blanket. “I know.”
We stood there for a few seconds, face-to-face, grinning like idiots at each other, until Kai spoke up.
“What’s going on?” they asked, their eyes on us.
“Kai, my pal, I’ve got big news for you.” Dante crossed the kitchen and slapped a hand on Kai’s shoulder. I watched from afar as they spoke, smiling again as the kid grinned, wide and joyful. Dante leaned closer, seemingly imparting wisdom, and they nodded, concentration on their cute face.
Something inside me ballooned up, warm and bright. Folding my arms tighter over my chest, I nodded to myself. This, I thought as I headed up front, was the right call.
I’d just pushed through the employees-only door into the bar when I was stopped again, this time by Anya.
“Jesus,” I said as I slid to a halt mere inches from her. “What are you doing, lurking like a creep?”
Anya, ten feet taller than me and infinitely more confident, looked me over. “I wasn’t lurking,” she said. “Why are you so jumpy?”
As if her words were a hypnotist’s trick, my brain conjured up memories of this morning. The thoughts I’d had about this woman’s baby sister. The filthy, improper thoughts.
My face burned.
“Not jumpy,” I grumbled, maneuvering around her to duck behind the bar. “Just didn’t expect you.” I glanced over my shoulder, hoping the dimly lit room hid the flush on my cheeks. “Haven’t seen you since you got back. How’re you? Love the new hair.”
She hopped onto a stool across from me and planted an elbow on the counter, chin in hand. A chunk of purple hair fell over her forehead. “Good, good.” Her eyes dragged over me, an assessing light in their green depths. “Heard you’ve been hanging out with Parker.”
My hand froze on its way to the clipboard I’d been reaching for with my opening checklist on it. “A little bit,” I said, hoping the neutrality I was channeling translated into my voice.
Anya and I had become what I would call friends since I came home, much to my brother’s chagrin. I loved her, and loved her for him. But I was also a little scared of her. She had a distinct I know how to hide a body vibe. Great quality to have in a friend, you know, in case you ever needed to hide a body. Terrible quality if you somehow became the body she needed to hide.
If she knew how much time I wanted to spend with her sister, I’d fall into that second category, for sure.
“She said you’ve been teaching her to flirt?” Anya’s dark brows lifted skeptically. “Do you have a copy of this…lesson plan?”
At that, I laughed. “I do not,” I said, clicking a pen open and poising it over my checklist. “Basically, I’m just…talking her through her anxieties about it.”
I could feel Anya’s eyes on me as I studied the checklist as if I’d never seen it before. The tips of my ears burned. The words in front of me blurred. Something like guilt roiled through my stomach. But guilt for what? I hadn’t done anything wrong. Not really.
Not unless thoughts counted.
When Anya didn’t say anything else, I looked up. “Out with it, woman. I’ve got work to do.”
Her gaze held mine for a couple quite beats before she spoke. “Just…” She exhaled, eyes moving to something over my shoulder. “Be careful with her, all right? She’s—”
“Too good for this world?” I finished before I realized the words were even forming in my mind.
Anya nodded. “Yes. That.” A soft smile curved her mouth. “Very that.”
“I know.” My heart stumbled, the reminder I didn’t need solidifying what I already knew. “Believe me.”
She studied me. I let her. If she was worried I’d hurt her baby sister, she didn’t have to be. I wouldn’t be getting close enough to. After last night, after looking into her blue, blue eyes and glimpsing a goodness I’d never before witnessed in this cold world…
Well, distance would become my best friend.
No matter how desperately I wanted to pull her closer.