Chapter Nineteen #2
Clara was quickly learning that her life was just a series of changes she was forced to adapt to, whether she liked it or not.
Perhaps a moment of patient reflection was all she needed to reset and not feel that things were moving at a thousand miles per hour.
She took a slow breath, smelling the fresh flowers Lily had set out.
She closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the mug against her hands.
Lily’s cat purred in a soothing rhythm from underneath the table.
When did Lily get a cat? Clara shook her head and smiled, appreciating the surprises as they came.
She reached down to rub him on the back.
In return, he rubbed his head against her leg as if they’d known each other forever.
Yes, she needed this time to relax and get out of her head for a moment.
Lily sat in the chair across from her. “So, are you nervous for the party tonight?” she asked, taking Clara away from her peaceful escape too soon.
Clara nodded with her lips pressed together. “It’s not only his parents I’ll be meeting. His entire family and all their friends will be there too.”
“No pressure,” Lily said. She raised her mug to her lips.
Clara chewed a fingernail.
“Seriously though, Clar, I know they’re all going to love you.”
Clara only shrugged, hoping Lily was right.
“So how was the squadron party last weekend?” Lily asked, changing the subject.
“A little awkward at times.” Clara stopped herself from saying more.
She had no idea how she could possibly explain that situation to Lily.
She couldn’t imagine how it would sound that, through a party game, she realized she knew absolutely nothing about the man she was engaged to.
It was probably best to leave that part out.
Lily raised her eyebrows.
Clara waved it off. “Overall, it was amazing.” It was true.
After that night, she was more convinced than ever that Brent could be the one.
Sure, it seemed as if he knew everything about her already, and she still had a lot to learn about him.
When they’d danced together, though, none of that seemed to matter.
She smiled to herself as she remembered it now.
Lily looked at her, urging her to go on.
“We kissed.” Clara let out a deep sigh while gazing into the distance as she thought again about the moment.
“It was incredible. No, it was magical.” She felt a shiver run down her back.
She had no doubt in her mind that magic was what she had felt on the dance floor that night.
It had been the first time since Brent’s return that she had simply enjoyed being with him without the worry of saying something dumb.
She’d been replaying it in her mind all week.
The way he held her, the feel of his cheek against hers.
And that kiss. It was all she’d wanted when she made that wish: to be on the other side of the deployment and back in Brent’s arms.
Lily laughed and got up from the table. “Well, I guess after a year apart, it would feel like first kisses all over again. Can I get you some sugar for that?”
“No thanks, I’m good.” She took a long inhale of her tea, which was steaming with the scent of spiced oranges.
“Hey, Clar, about what you said the other day about time traveling . . .”
Clara flinched. Of course her best friend wouldn’t forget her making a comment like that.
“What exactly were you talking about?”
Clara let out a nervous laugh. “Oh, that? You were right. I was being philosophical about life. Like, I guess it felt like the year flew by—or something like that. I was just overthinking everything, and I wasn’t making sense.”
Lily came closer. She bent down and studied Clara’s face. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Perfect.” Clara broke eye contact. “I’m more interested in knowing how you are now that you’re married.”
Lily retreated. She seemed unconvinced, but was willing to drop the subject. “Now that I’m married? It’s been six months already.”
“Of course,” Clara said. “I mean, well, just getting a status update.”
“Okay. So far so good.” She gave Clara a wink. “You’ll find out what it’s like soon enough, though.”
Clara inwardly rolled her eyes at the reminder.
She took a long sip of her tea. The heat burned her chest. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be married—she did.
It was just that Lily and Kyle’s relationship was so solid before they had made that commitment to each other.
She thought back to her outlook on relationships from the other day.
She had wanted so badly to rush through all the time involved in a long relationship.
To get straight to the good stuff—ending up together.
It seemed so enticing at the time. Now, what she wouldn’t give to have the option to slow things down even a little—to simply have the time to breathe a bit, to really figure out if Brent was right for her.
Clara narrowed her eyes as she watched her best friend move around the kitchen.
Lily looked different. Her hair was curlier and shorter than it had been the other day—well, last year.
She wore a flirty animal-print skirt with a bright-pink blouse; the gym-clothes phase clearly behind her already.
Beside the new diamond on her left hand that Clara had seen the other day stood a shiny solid gold band.
Lily was married. She had missed her best friend’s wedding.
“Hey, Lil, can I look at the photos from your wedding?”
“Sure.” She pointed. “The album’s over there in the bookcase.”
Clara set down her mug and moved to the living room.
She found a black leather photo album embossed with Lily and Kyle’s initials in silver.
She sat on the sofa and flipped through the pages.
There, smiling back at her, was Lily, looking gorgeous in her one-of-a-kind wedding dress.
There were pictures of her walking down the aisle toward Kyle.
She saw them waltzing for their first dance and feeding each other cake. It was all so beautiful.
There—next to Lily in almost every photo—was Clara.
It was the proof she needed that the year she skipped had actually happened.
It was now painfully clear to her that she had, in fact, been present.
Like the age-old question about a tree falling in the woods, she wondered: If a whole year passes, but there’s no memory of it—did it really even happen?
According to the pictures in front of her, the answer was yes.
In the photos Clara wore a bright-purple dress she had never seen before, clearly a Lily-chosen bridesmaid dress.
Her hair was up in her perfectly styled ponytail, her blonde waves falling down her back.
She looked happy in the pictures—dancing, laughing, having a blast with the other guests.
On the pages in front of her sat a summary of one perfect moment in time.
All her closest friends together, celebrating an occasion that would never come again.
She bit her lower lip. A sadness washed over her as she stared down at the pages of everything she had missed. She wished more than anything that she had been there. Clara pinched the bridge of her nose to stop a tear that was beginning to form. She continued to flip.
Past the pictures of the wedding, she came upon a few additional shots that showed the events leading up to the big day. A bachelorette party at a local winery, the bridal shower at the Darlington, and the rehearsal dinner at Buddy’s Tavern—complete with extravagant martinis and all.
Her attention narrowed in on one picture in particular.
It was a photo of Lily in a makeshift veil standing beside Clara and her other bridesmaids.
There, off to the side of the frame, was Grams. They were all standing in front of the Darlington, huge smiles on their faces.
It appeared to be sometime in the spring, and they all wore floral sundresses.
Grams had a peaceful smile on her face, her gaze directed at Clara.
A longing stirred inside Clara’s heart. She had missed that season with her grandmother, with everyone she loved.
She rubbed her hands over her face. A heaviness set deep into her chest. She had missed it—all of it. Well, she had been there, obviously. She even had the pictures to prove it. She simply didn’t have any recollection of it. Wasn’t that the same as not having been there at all?
How precious can a moment in life be if you don’t have the memory of it to take with you?