Chapter 2 #2
“Yeah, but you put yourself in situations he may not be able to get you out of. You’re destroying yourself and will probably take him down in the process because he’s trying to save your ass. You know why he wasn’t at the jail with you?”
I shake my head.
“Have you seen him wear a hat before?” She doesn’t wait for my answer. “Neither have I, but he’s wearing one tonight. Why do you think that is, Rio?”
“I don’t know.”
She pushes close and points to her head. “Because he had to be taken to the ER. Someone hit him with a glass bottle, and he was bleeding. Of course, he’s covering it up so you don’t see it. He will go down protecting you.”
Oh shit.
I open my mouth, but she stops me with her hand in the air.
“Do you think this is what Fer would want for you? Do you think seeing you like this lets her rest in peace?” Maeven’s gaze drifts to the glass butterfly hanging in front of the window. Maeven herself gave it to me as a gift on the worst day of my life.
Pain breaks out in my chest like she sucker punched me. I flinch. My body fights the urge to sink to my knees. “No hables de ella.”
Maeven shakes her head. “I don’t want to talk about her. It breaks my heart to see the pain in your eyes when I do, but maybe it’s time you did.”
I shake my head and move to the window to stare out at the Hudson River. “No lo voy a hacer.”
“You have to, Rio. Have you noticed you immediately switch to Spanish when you talk about your mom?”
The pressure in my chest intensifies, and the thirst dries my throat.
It’s been over a year, and my fingers flex, still feeling the softness of her hand in mine as her breath faded away.
I still see the peace descend over her features on her last exhale when she slipped into what seemed to be a dream with a hint of a smile on her face.
I swallow, not wanting to scream her name like I did in that moment.
Maeven’s hand settles on my shoulder. “It’s time.
I don’t want to leave you. It would break my heart and Fer’s.
In her last days, I promised her I would take care of you.
That’s sacred to me because she gave us a chance when we were newbies to manage your career, and she was like a mom to me.
Everyone else is a client, but you’re like a little brother to me and Esme. You’ve got to meet me halfway.”
I want to tell her to fuck off. Hearing her name hurts more than the punches from the fights or the mornings when I wake up with a pounding headache and throwing up into a toilet.
And then I hear that raspy voice that time can’t fade in my head. Her voice. Eres mi orgullo.
Except, the person in the reflection is no one’s pride. I know I have to change. I need to do something different. I just don’t know how.
“I don’t want to go to rehab. It’s not that bad.”
Maeven nods. “Okay, then. Show me. Let’s start with therapy and get ready for the tour. In the meantime, I’ll work my magic to fix your image.” She points at me. “I need you to promise… No more fighting. No more drugs. And no more than two drinks a night.”
“Deal.”
She looks down at her phone and back at my face.
“And here’s where we start. Next week, Chico Sparx is playing at the Coliseum.
You’re going to perform the new song you recorded with him and Niko.
It’s releasing the day before. Niko won’t be there, but you and Chico will do well together.
He will also let you sing one of your album’s songs. The girls will love it.”
I start to shake my head because there’s no way I feel ready for that. But she’s got that not-budging look in her eyes.
Maybe it’s time I get out on the stage again. I’ll have to do it for the tour anyway.
“Okay.”
* * *
After Maeven leaves, I sit on the couch, with my phone in my hand, scrolling through my social media feeds. The fight with Noryel is being discussed everywhere, with people commenting.
Noryel had it coming. He’s been a real POS lately.
Yeah, about time someone gave him a good salsa.
But mostly, people are talking about me.
Man, it’s time someone says it. Rio is a fucking mess.
ATP we know Rio for the fuck-shit, not his music.
Another guy agrees. Yeah, like bruh, get some therapy.
Someone else posts Does Rio not have friends?
The answer from another person has me almost throwing my phone against the wall. Yeah, but Niko is too big to be associated with that shit. That’s why he stays far away.
I keep scrolling down my feed, trying to outrun the posts about me. My friend Zao posted to his IG page about his return to his Barrio. All the kids are smiling in photos with him, and a party broke out in the main street.
El Dominante back in his kingdom. Nada como #BuenosAires #RD
God, I want to go home so bad. I wouldn’t get into problems there. I just can’t go.
Farther down, a photo calls my attention.
It’s from Adi in the City’s blog. Adina is standing in front of a building, making the peace sign, but the one that really catches my eye is the woman in the back, leaning casually against the wall in a jean jacket and joggers while smiling at someone off camera.
Luna.
My lip curls like hers did the last time we saw each other at a club in The Heights.
I still don’t know what I supposedly did to her other than flirt a little at Niko’s.
Ever since, she’s been giving me the cold shoulder and not even saying hello when we run into each other.
But it’s all good. I dodged a bullet the day we met.
And now I don’t have time for this shit.
Because my life is in shambles.
My phone pings. It’s a text.
Niko
Bro. What’s going on? This is not you. Why you being so reckless?
Me
It’s nothing, man.
Niko
Not nothing. You got arrested. Let’s talk. I got your back.
And the sinking feeling is instant. I’m a mess, and everyone knows. Niko always has it together. He doesn’t need to be told what to do. He doesn’t need a Maeven to fix shit for him.
Me
No biggie. I let anger get the best of me. I got it tho.
A call from him comes through, and I hit the ignore button.
Then another text. It’s from my friend Xavier “El Flaco” Delgado.
Xavier
I know you’re hurting. You’re not alone. Call me.
I can’t talk to him either. I need to do this on my own.
I leave him on read, close my phone screen, and flip the device away. Doom-scrolling does nothing but remind me of what a fuck-up I am and exposes me to people who already know that.
I grab my pen and notepad. This is how I write songs—alone in the silence—and I have words to get off my chest tonight.
I can't believe you did this...to me.
No lo puedo creer
Everything in me arde
Y no me puedo contener
Walking around life like a powdered keg
Any friction becomes an ignition
Rapid combustion es mi mecanismo
Y todos los días vivo lo mismo
Algo tiene que cambiar
Something's got to give
Because carrying this weight
Is almost breaking me
You did this
No se por que lo hiciste
La paz no me encuentra
En ningun sitio que busque
Me quitaste el sol
You left me in the darkness
La paz no me encuentra
You’re supposed to love me
How could you be so heartless?
Send me a sliver of light
A tiny star for my sky
La oscuridad no es mi amiga
It's my prison of anger, mi peor enemiga
Algo tiene que cambiar
I need you to break this chain
Porque no puedo respirar
Drowning in all this pain