Chapter Sixteen
Chapter
Sixteen
“I don’t know what’s wrong,” I whine at Xander as he drives us into downtown Oak Spires.
I’ve spent nearly a week trying to create a space in Midnight Manor where the resident ghosts can be fully visible.
Something that will act like the summoning circle I used during the initial ghost-hunting excursions without needing me there to continually funnel magic into the space.
Unfortunately, everything I’ve tried has failed.
“Maybe it’s not possible.” Xander turns down Main Street and searches for parking. “That could be a good thing. If ghosts were easily visible all the time, people might have a hard time letting go after a loved one dies.”
“But it feels like I’m so close. It’s as bad as this damn creativity spell I’ve been working on. I feel like I’m right there, but I can’t get over the finish line.”
Xander snorts. “So, what? It’s like magical blue balls?”
I reach across the dash to smack his arm as heat flames across my cheeks, his joke hitting too close to home.
It’s been nearly a week since the single most mind-blowing sexual experience of my life.
First times are supposed to be awkward and fumbling, but being with Elle felt as natural as breathing.
I can’t help but imagine how good it could get with practice, but unfortunately, we haven’t had a chance to try again.
With the B&B fully haunted and opening soon, there’s been zero opportunity for alone time. Xander told his sister he can’t babysit again until January. With all three of us sharing the same roof 24/7, Elle has been distant. We’ve only managed a few moments of stolen kisses, and I’m aching for more.
Especially as my departure from the B&B gets closer. Just over a week now.
I’d hoped to bring Elle with me today, but she had yet another personal errand to run that she wouldn’t talk about.
“I’m glad you could come with me,” I tell Xander, and I mean it. It would have been nice to turn the outing into a date with Elle, but it’s also good to get some one-on-one time with my best friend.
Xander flips on his blinker and parallel parks into a space.
“Like I’d let you go antiquing without me,” he says, killing the engine and turning his intense blue gaze on me.
“Listen, Pip, don’t stress about the ghost room.
You’ve already made a dozen pairs of ghost goggles, and once we find more mirrors, the house will have plenty of spirit boards, too. ”
“I know. It’s just—”
“You’ve already gone above and beyond,” he says, cutting off my objections. “Maybe someday, Lou and I can hire you for special events where you make the ghosts visible for a night, but this is a great start. You should be proud.”
“It would be nice to come back to visit,” I agree, loneliness creeping in at his words. Yes, there’s the Elle of it all, but there’s also Xander. I like being here. Being part of something. Waking up in the morning knowing I’m not alone.
The thought of only popping in a few times a year makes my heart ache. Windsfell isn’t that far, but it won’t be the same.
I shove the thoughts away. I don’t have any right to want more. This isn’t my business. It’s not my dream. This is all Xander and Elle. It’s all Alex and Louie. I should be excited to get back to my apartment and my business. I’m close to having everything I wanted when I accepted this job.
So why does it feel so hollow?
Looking out my window, I scan the row of shops. “Oh, wow. I can’t believe you got a spot right in front of the antiques store.”
Xander grins. “What can I say? It’s my superpower. Now, come on. We have spirit boards to find.”
I follow Xander out of the car and cross my arms against the cold. We hurry out of the wind into Oak Spires Antiques, where we’re blasted with warmth and the unmistakable smell of old furniture, wood polish, and a cinnamon candle. The scent reminds me of the morning after Elle and I had sex.
She made cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and when I followed the scent to the kitchen, she was busy drizzling homemade icing over the fresh pastries.
The next time we’re alone, she whispered, her breath on my neck eliciting a delicious shiver, I’ll make another batch of this icing just so I can lick it off you.
But then Xander had nearly caught us kissing, and Elle put distance between us. She’s kept that distance firmly there, afraid to hurt him with our…whatever we are.
Now, I follow Xander around the antiques store, only half paying attention as he debates the merits of different mirror styles. He seems happy. Like there isn’t anywhere else he’d rather be.
Maybe it would be okay if he found out about Elle and me.
If we could tell him without hurting him, I could take her on a real date.
We could kiss whenever we wanted. We could spend our last eight nights together instead of staring at our respective ceilings with only the memories of our first time and our own fingers to make our toes curl.
What I wouldn’t give to feel her weight pressing me into the mattress again. To feel her hands on my thighs, guiding me onto the strap-on that I magically bonded to her clit, to hear the shocked gasp of her pleasure.
“Pippa,” Xander says, yanking me from thoughts that leave my face burning with embarrassment.
“Sorry.” I shake my head and hope he doesn’t notice how flustered I feel. “What did I miss?”
Xander holds up two mirrors, one with a delicate metal fleur-de-lis pattern, the other set in a rustic-style wooden frame. “How many of these do we need?”
Right. Work. “I can do as many as you want around the B&B. We already have the one in the main hallway, but it’d be good to have ones in the kitchen, dining room, and library. The sitting room, too, in case I don’t figure out how to make it a full-time ghost room.”
“Can I help you folks with anything?” A man of East Asian descent wearing a black Oak Spires Antiques T-shirt approaches with a smile.
He’s undeniably hot, with a textured Ivy League haircut, pouty lips, and perfect skin that could put his age anywhere between twenty-five and forty-five.
His attention fixes on Xander, and there’s a glimmer in his dark brown eyes.
“Do you want me to take those to the register while you and your girlfriend continue to browse?”
“Oh, I’m not his girlfriend,” I cut in, leaning into the vibe I’m getting from the man. “I’m very much not his type.”
The shop attendant’s smile grows brighter. “Oh, I’ve heard of you. Alex, right? You’re the new B&B owner my coworkers were telling me about. I’m Kai.”
Xander hands over the mirrors he already found. “Glad to hear I’ve made an impression. A good one, I hope?”
“A very good one.” Kai accepts the mirrors, his gaze never wavering from Xander. “Though they neglected to mention how attractive you are.”
I watch Kai leave, weaving through the aisles back to the register, and delight bubbles up inside me. “Ten bucks says he asks for your number when we check out.”
Instead of taking the bet or puffing up with pride like I expect, Xander makes a noncommittal noise and goes back to perusing the aisles. His back to me, I can see the stiffness of his muscles. The tension in his movements.
The spark of mischievous joy dies a swift death as worry swoops in to take its place. “Xan? What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Hey.” I rest a hand on his arm, stalling his search through the antique furniture. “Look at me.”
Xander sighs, his body angled away. “I’m fine, Pip.” He tries to smile, but it’s strained. Broken.
I take his hand in mine. “Do I need to break out a calming sigil?” I ask, keeping my voice low as I rub my thumb across his knuckles. “You can talk to me, Xander. You know that, right?”
He nods, but his jaw flexes like he’s trying to hold back what he wants to say. I wait, patient, until he releases the contents of his lungs in a rush. “It’s stupid.”
“I’m sure it’s not.”
“It’s just…” He glances toward the register, and I follow suit, catching Kai staring at Xander with clear interest. “I’m not looking for anything right now.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t flirt.”
“What’s the point?” Xander pulls away from my touch and goes back to searching the aisle for a suitable spirit board. “I’m done fooling myself, Pip. I’m not cut out for love.”
The ache in his voice tugs on my heart. “I know you’re hurting after what happened,” I say, avoiding Barrett’s name. “But you are an incredible man, Xander. You may not feel ready to date, or even flirt, right now, but—”
“But nothing,” Xander snaps, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m done pretending that I get a happily ever after. I’m done with men. Dating. All of it.”
The finality of his words, the surety of his tone, stuns me into silence. I knew Barrett’s blithe cheating, his swift ending of their engagement, hurt Xander. But this? Xander has always believed in love. In fairy-tale endings. He’s always bounced back quickly after breakups before.
“I’m sorry,” he says, pulling me in for a hug. “I didn’t mean to snap.”
I squeeze him tight. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.”
“It’s not your fault, Pip.” He releases me and reaches into his back pocket for his wallet. “Do you mind checking out for me? I’ll wait in the car.”
“Fine, but then I’m taking you to Books and Beverages for cocoa and a cookie.” I watch Xander leave, offering a brief wave of acknowledgment to Kai before he escapes out the door. As I pay for the mirrors on the B&B’s business card, I realize that Elle is right.
No matter how much I want to spend time with her, no matter how much I want to take advantage of our last days together, we can’t risk hurting Xander. I won’t do that to him, and it makes me like Elle even more to know she won’t, either.
Mirrors paid for and stowed in the car, I drag Xander down the block toward Books & Beverages, the bookstore and café we often studied at during our college years. It’s where I first fell in love with romance novels, too.