Chapter 18
chapter eighteen
The glow of my phone’s screen is a cold comfort and torture in the dimness of my room. The video is simple. It’s Alec, sitting in a chair, wearing a black t-shirt and jeans, and of course his mask. He stares out the window, his eyes haunted looking. The camera very slowly zooms in on him while a song filled with heartache plays.
He looks broken. He looks a little angry. He looks… empty.
There is no caption.
And of course the comments are going wild with speculation.
What does it mean?
Where is Mariposa?
Who broke him?
Some of the comments are… savage.
But they’re right.
I broke up with him. The words echo in my mind, bouncing around like a pinball that hits every sore spot in my heart. Hell, it was the most twisted thing I've ever had to do, and it scrapes against my insides because I didn't want it. Not at all.
My cheeks are slick with tears, the salty evidence of this shit-show of a situation. Each drop is a testament to the heaviness in my chest, a weight that's been crushing me since the moment I walked away from him. It was supposed to protect him, shield him from his father's wrath. It was to protect my mother from losing her house. But who protects me from this ache?
"Damn it," I mutter, swiping at my face. The tears have to stop. With a shaky breath, I click the screen off and toss it to the end of the bed. Enough self-pity. Enough wallowing. I've got an exam to ace and a future to secure — no time for crying over rich boys with wicked tongues and razor-sharp minds.
I stand, forcing my legs to hold steady beneath me. They're about as reliable as my resolve right now, but I can't afford to crumble. Not when I've come this far on sheer grit and caffeine. I snatch a tissue, dabbing at my eyes until they're only faintly red, remnants of the storm that passed through.
"Get your shit together, Winters," I tell my reflection in the mirror. My brown eyes stare back, defiant even with the puffiness around the edges. There's a spark there, the same one that's gotten me through every other challenge — from growing up in a home where luxury meant having enough food for dinner, to landing a scholarship among these pampered peacocks at Westcroft.
"Alright, Salem," I continue, my voice steadier now. "School. You can handle this."
My phone buzzes as I walk to class, the January air biting at my cheeks. Alec's name flashes on the screen.
Please, can we talk?
Tears spring to my eyes, blurring the sidewalk in front of me. I blink them back furiously. I can't do this right now. Can't face him and pretend like I meant all those terrible things I said yesterday. My thumb hovers over the screen, aching to respond. To tell him I'm sorry, that I didn't mean any of it.
But I can't. I can’t risk his father following through on his threats. Can’t risk my mother’s home. Can’t risk Alec’s company. Everything depends on me staying strong, even if it kills me inside. I shove the phone back into my pocket without replying and hurry across campus.
I slip into the lecture hall just as class is starting, my hands still shaking. The professor drones on about derivatives but I barely hear a word, Alec's pained expression haunting my thoughts. Fuck, why did his father have to ruin everything? We were so happy. So right together. And now...
My phone vibrates again, making me jump. Under the desk, I peek at the message with a hammering pulse.
I know this isn't what you want. Please, Salem, I'm begging you. Talk to me.
A shaky breath breaks free from my lips and I quickly muffle it with my sleeve. Heads turn in my direction, but I keep my eyes glued to my blank notebook page, vision swimming. I want nothing more than to run to him, to fall into his strong arms and confess the truth. But I can't put him at risk like that. Can't jeopardize his future and his company, as much as it's destroying me.
I leave his text unanswered and dig my nails into my palms, desperately holding back the flood of emotions threatening to burst out of me. I have to be strong. Have to protect him, even if he hates me for it. Even if I hate myself.
The minutes tick by in agonizing slowness, the lecture fading into meaningless background noise as silent tears drip onto my empty notes . Just get through today , I tell myself. One hour at a time. One breath after another.
But the ache in my chest only sharpens, raw and relentless. Because deep down, I know this isn't some temporary hurdle.
I can’t have him. Because of that evil asshole, William Vanderholt. Because I’m just not fucking good enough.
At lunchtime, I purposefully avoid the courtyard where I know Alec always sits with his friends. Instead, I find a quiet corner inside, tucked away from prying eyes. But even from here, I can't help stealing glances at him through the window.
He looks miserable, his normally bright eyes dull and rimmed with dark circles. The easy smile that used to make my heart flutter is nowhere to be seen. Guilt twists like a knife in my gut. I did this to him. Shattered his heart and mine in the process.
"Hey, Salem, what the hell is going on?”
I startle at Isabella's concerned voice, hastily wiping at my cheeks, unsure if there are tears or not. But it's too late. She’s standing right in front of me, her brows furrowed with concern.
"Nothing, I'm fine," I mumble, the lie burning my tongue. Isabella frowns, green eyes narrowing.
"Bullshit. You've been a wreck all day." She grabs my arm, checking the traffic in the hallway. She drags me across and checks the closest door. She drags me into an empty classroom before I can protest. "Spill. Now."
The genuine worry in her tone breaks the last of my crumbling composure. I fucking break. A strangled sob rips from my throat and instantly, it’s nearly impossible to breathe.
“I broke up with Alec last night,” I choke out.
“Holy shit,” she breathes, blinking rapidly in shock. “Why? What happened?”
I gasp as I wrap my arms around my middle, trying my hardest not to completely fall apart. But the tears are cascading down my face, and there’s no stopping them now. "Alec’s dad. He sent this goon after me and dragged me into his mafia boss car. He told me to end it. That Alec has to end up with Victoria. And he threatened Liam’s company. He threatened my mom’s fucking house! Said if I didn’t end things, he’d end both of them.”
“Damn,” Isabella muses, her eyes darkening with disgust. “That's so fucked up."
“I didn’t have a choice, Izzy,” I say as a sob rips up my throat. “I had to protect them.”
“Of course you did,” she says as she wraps her arms around me. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. You always do what’s right, even when it hurts, babe.”
“Then why does it feel so wrong?” I ask, my chest heaving with sobs.
“Because love isn’t logical,” she says softly as she rubs my back. “But I’ve got you, okay? Get it all out.”
I sob into her shoulder, barely noticing how I soak her jacket. But I’m a wreck, too emotionally drained to speak anymore. But she just holds me, attempting to ease the suffocating pressure in my chest just a little.
The rest of the day drags on like nails on a chalkboard. I go through the motions on autopilot, dodging Alec at every turn. By the time I get home that night, I'm utterly exhausted, collapsing into bed, still in my clothes.
I know I did the right thing. The only thing I could do. But as I stare blankly at the ceiling, the gaping hole in my heart throbs and bleeds.
Being with Alec was the best thing that ever happened to me. And letting him go might just be the thing that destroys me.
The next morning, I stumble out of my apartment, still emotionally hungover from the day before. But I freeze when I see what's waiting for me.
A dozen vibrant red roses sit on my doorstep, tied with a simple white ribbon. My heart squeezes painfully as I crouch down and pluck the small note nestled among the blooms with trembling fingers.
Salem,
I know you're hurting. I can see it all over your face. This isn't the end for us. Dammit, you're it for me, and I'll never stop fighting for what we have.
But I know something is going on. If you won’t talk to me now, I’ll wait. It’s fucking killing me, but if time and space is what you need, that’s what I can give you. But I’m here, Salem. Whenever you’re ready. I’m here.
Always yours,
Alec
Tears blur the words as a strangled sob escapes me. Damn him. Damn his stubborn, loyal, loving heart.
I want to march over to his house and fall into his arms. I want to tell him everything, consequences be damned. I want to kiss him until we're both breathless and whole again.
But I can't. I won't put him at risk like that, no matter how much it hurts. Scrubbing away my tears, I put the roses inside and head to campus with a heavy heart.
All day, I watch Alec from a distance. He looks as wrecked as I feel - dark circles under his eyes, hair unkempt, shoulders slumped. It physically pains me to see him like this and not go to him.
But I have to stay strong. For him. For us.
The roses keep coming. Every morning for the next week, a single perfect bloom appears on my doorstep without fail. No more notes, but the message is clear – Alec isn’t giving up, even in the face of my rejection.
With every rose, the cracks in my heart splinter a little more. Alec is the shell, going through the motions like a ghost. The light in his eyes is gone, and it's all my fault.
I did this to him. To protect him, yes, but that doesn't lessen the guilt clawing at my insides.
Shit, I miss him. I miss his smile, his touch, the safety of his arms. I miss the way he challenged me and believed in me and praised me so fiercely.
But missing him is the price I have to pay to keep him safe. And I'll pay it a thousand times over, even if it rips me apart.
Even if it already has.
Four weeks crawl by in a haze of misery and longing. I go through the motions - attending classes, studying, working - but everything feels hollow.
I finally work up the nerve to call my mom, terrified that my sacrifice will have been for nothing. But she sounds...fine. Happy. No mention of missed payments or looming eviction notices.
Relief wars with despair inside me. It worked. Alec's father kept his word. My mom is safe.
But at what cost?
Late one sleepless night, I find myself scrolling through old photos of Alec and I. Happy. Perfect together. Blissfully unaware of the storm lurking on the horizon.
A notification pops up. Vice has posted a new video. My heart leaps into my throat as I click it with shaking fingers.
It’s Alec, mask on obviously. He stands in dim lighting. His hands are coated in the black paint he uses for his face. And he’s shirtless. Slowly, he runs his hands over his body, coating his beautiful skin in black. I bite my lower lip, instantly hot and bothered by his artistry.
Fuck. He’s amazing at this. The imagery, the editing, it’s all perfect.
But my stomach drops out when I read the caption.
When all you want to do is fade to black.
And of course the music is perfectly fitted, filled with absolute heart break.
Tears break free of my eyes as I watch it again. I’m the reason Alec is feeling this way. I did this to him.
But even through the pain, I can't help but marvel at the artistry of the his video. The composition, the lighting, the raw vulnerability in Alec's eyes.
He has such a gift. A gift his father is determined to snuff out in favor of a future Alec doesn't want.
And that, more than anything, strengthens my resolve. I'm doing the right thing. I'm protecting Alec's dreams, his chance to break free from his father's chokehold.
Even if it means shattering my own heart in the process.
I close the app and bury my face in my pillow, my tears soaking the fabric as sobs wrack my body.
I made my choice. And I'll live with the consequences.
Even if it kills me.