Chapter 19
Blake
When we get home, Everett and Emily say goodnight and head to his bedroom. Tori follows me into the kitchen, settling herself at the kitchen bench while I make us both a cup of the herbal tea Emily keeps stocked in our cupboard.
Recalling my late-night conversation with Juliet, I know this is my last chance to clear the air with my sister and make headway in moving on from my past. Knowing I’ll be having a similar conversation with Juliet on Wednesday doesn’t make this any easier.
“What’s with you and Juliet?” Tori asks as I pour boiling water from the kettle into two mugs.
“What?” I choke out, splashing water over the bench as I cast a quick glance at her. “Nothing.”
She scoffs. “Dude, I’m your sister. I know you better than anyone.”
“There’s nothing going on,” I protest, grabbing a tea towel to clean up the mess.
“You were pretty insistent on them joining us for dinner.”
“Tinsley wanted to celebrate with her brother. How could anyone say no to her?”
She arches a brow. “You have a nickname for her daughter.”
My throat tightens. “She’s Everett’s little sister, and she stays over a lot. It’s no big deal.”
Tori doesn’t say anything else, but my stomach twists in knots. Did I fuck up by inviting Juliet and Tinsley for dinner? If my sister picked up on something between us, did Everett? Is that why he disappeared when we got home?
Tori reaches for my hand, and I’m so startled I don’t pull away.
“Blake, look at me.”
I shake my head.
She sighs. “You’re not a bad person, not for any of it.
You were a little kid who went through something traumatic.
I don’t blame you. I love you, and I can see you’re really trying here.
But you’re my brother, and I want you to be careful.
I’ll always support you and be here for you, no matter what.
Just be sure about what you’re doing with her.
It’s not only about you and her; there’s a little girl involved.
Not to mention her big brother, who’s your friend and your housemate. ”
“I know,” I croak. “We know.”
“What are you doing with her?” There’s no judgement in her tone, only curiosity with maybe a touch of concern.
I finally bring my gaze to meet hers, wanting her to know how much I mean what I say.
“I’ve never felt this connection with anyone before, Torz. Ever. She makes me want to be better for her. I’d never do anything to hurt her or Tinsley.”
A pained expression crosses her face, and it cuts me to my bone. I know what she’s thinking: I wouldn’t intentionally hurt them. But my track record doesn’t do me any favours.
“I’m so sorry for what I put you through,” I strangle out, blinking rapidly to stop myself from breaking down. “More than you’ll ever know. I’ll never forgive myself for doing that to you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t know how to help you until it was too late.” A tear slips down her cheek, and she hastily swipes it away. “I let you down.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t your fault.”
Her smile is watery. “I should’ve forced you to see someone when it first happened.”
“It wouldn’t have helped,” I say, shame washing over me.
“I was messed up and determined to bury everything. Masking my pain was the only thing I was interested in. I didn’t want to talk about it or relive it.
The only thing I wanted was to forget. But it was impossible.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him hurting her. ”
Tears stream down her face, and I realise my cheeks are wet, too. We’ve never spoken about what happened that day, only danced around it.
“You did what you had to do,” Tori whispers.
“She hated me for it.”
“No, she—”
“She did, Tori. She fucking hated me. I could see it in her eyes when she got home from the hospital. When I killed him, I killed her as well.” My voice cracks, and I drop my head into my hands.
“I didn’t want you to hate me, too. You were all I had left, but I was scared you’d leave me too, so I pushed you away before you could. ”
Tori stumbles off her stool and rounds the bench to pull me into her embrace, her body shaking as she clings to me.
“I’ll never leave you, Blake. He was a horrible man who put us through hell for years. I was sick of lying for him, of having to hide the bruises. She was broken long before that day because of what he did to her. Not you. He was the cause of what she did. He’s to blame for everything.”
“I was scared he was going to kill her,” I sob.
“He did,” she says. “Maybe not that day, but in the end, it was everything he did to her over the years that caused her to end it all.”
“I killed someone, Tori. It might’ve been classed as involuntary manslaughter, and I got off on account of my age, but in the end, it’s all the same. I took a life. What if Juliet’s scared of me? What if she never wants to see me again?”
“It’s a risk you have to take. You can’t keep it from her.”
“I’ve been trying to take things slow with her, but every time she’s near, my feelings damn near consume me. It scares me because I don’t deserve her.”
Tori pulls away, wiping her face. “Why do you think that?”
“You’ve seen the darkness when I lose control. What if I end up like him?”
Her blue eyes widen. “You’re nothing like him. Yes, you might’ve fallen into a dark spiral, but that doesn’t mean you’re like him. The only person you hurt with your destructive behaviour is yourself.”
“I hurt you.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You never hurt me. I never blamed you for any of it. I knew you were hurting, but I didn’t know how to help you.”
“Your wedding…”
She winces. “You didn’t hurt me, but I was scared for you. It had to happen for you to be the man standing in front of me today. A man who has turned his life around. A man I’m proud to call my brother.”
I shake my head, running my hand over my face.
“Yes. All I want is for you to be happy, and you really seem like you’ve found that here. I just don’t want you to throw it all away unless you’re completely sure.”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”
“I think you and Juliet need to make sure you’re on the same page. And let Everett know sooner rather than later to prevent too big a fallout.”
“You’re not going to warn me away from her?”
She furrows her brow. “Why would I do that?”
“Because of Tinsley.”
“I’m not worried about you caring for that little girl. I can see you already do. You’re the one doubting yourself. Everyone else can see the good guy you truly are. Including Juliet and Tinsley.”
A lump forms in my throat. “I’m scared.”
“That’s normal,” Tori says with a smile. “It means you care.”
“I think I care too much.”
“Lucky her.”
Pulling her in for another hug, I say, “I’m glad you came here.”
She laughs. “I’m your sister. You’re never getting rid of me. I’m here for you no matter what, and I’m rooting for you and Juliet. I like her.”
“Yeah,” I say with a grin. “Me, too.”
I spend the next couple of hours reconnecting with my sister, and while both of us shed more tears as we lay all our shit bare, we laugh as we reminisce about some of our happier childhood memories.
It still hurts to think of Mum, and the guilt hasn’t disappeared, but I’m lighter for being able to relieve some of the burden.
By the time we say good night and head upstairs to bed, it’s too late to call Juliet, so I send her a message.
Blake: Thank you for encouraging me to talk to my sister. Sorry I didn’t call, but I wanted you to know I’m thinking of you Night, pixie.
I wake up early Monday morning to cook breakfast for Tori before seeing her off, making her promise to text when she gets home. If I didn’t have night shift tonight, I would’ve driven her myself, but she laughs me off, saying she’s perfectly capable of driving six and a half hours.
“You can’t blame me for wanting to protect you and my nephew,” I say, pulling her in for one last hug.
She squeezes me tight. “We love you, Blake.”
“I love you both so much. Keep me updated with everything.”
“We will. Good luck with Juliet. Let me know how you go, and remember, no matter what happens, you deserve happiness.”
My vision blurs, and I sniff as I press my thumb and forefinger into the corners of my eyes. “I’m starting to believe it.”
“Good.” Her smile wobbles as she climbs into her car and shuts the door.
I watch her drive down the road until she turns the corner, then head back inside to clean the kitchen. Emily comes downstairs first, and I pass her a cup of coffee as she makes herself some toast.
“How’s Everett?” I ask. “He seemed a bit off last night.”
She sighs. “He didn’t say much, but whatever’s going on with his dad has got him really stressed out.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
“Has he ever said anything to you about his relationship with his dad?”
I shake my head. “He avoids talking about it whenever it’s brought up. I know he takes Tinsley to see him every fortnight, and he usually comes back in a foul mood. Other than that, I don’t know anything.”
“Because there’s nothing to know,” Everett snaps, entering the kitchen and going straight for the coffee machine. “Don’t waste your time or energy thinking about him. He’s a waste of space.”
Concern stirs in my gut for Juliet and Tinsley, but I can’t voice my fears without giving myself away. What did they go through with that man?
I’m still thinking about it later that night when I sign on for my shift with Jack and Melissa.
The gnawing feeling that I’m not going to like what I hear on Wednesday keeps intensifying the more I dwell on it.
I know I’m being irrational, but I think my own experiences with my parents are blinding me.
Everett wouldn’t let Tinsley anywhere near his father if he were abusive.
There’s no way. He’s so protective of his little sister, and I can’t see him doing anything that would put her in harm’s way.
Still, that little voice in the back of my head keeps wondering why else Juliet would have full custody of her daughter.