7. You Deserve Happiness
YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS
Ivy
Everything hurt, and I swore the room was still spinning as I tried to pry my eyes open. But the smell of coffee was slowly bringing me back to the land of the living. A finger gently caressed my forehead, pushing stray hairs back away from my face.
“Are you alive over there?” Aspen whispered from beside me.
A groan was the only response I could muster.
“Yeah, I assumed. Do you want coffee first or pain meds?”
I held up two fingers, hoping that would be enough of a response for her to hand me over the good shit—and by that, I meant the extra-strength painkillers.
“Hand open, please,” she requested, and I did as she asked. Pushing myself onto my back, I tossed the pills into my mouth and chugged from the glass of water she handed me.
Aspen had always been the morning person between the two of us, and while we didn’t make a habit of going out to get plastered, she was always there with her hangover cocktail, ready to fix me—one hand with pain relievers and water, and the other hand with a cup of fresh coffee.
“Do you want to talk about it now? Or should I wait until you’re a few sips of coffee in before the interrogation begins?”
I cracked one eye open and stared at her through it. “Shower first, then you may commence with questions.”
Aspen sighed, the sound obnoxious as hell this early in the morning.
“Fine, darling. But don’t think you’re getting out of this.
I expect a full rundown on what that fucker did to make you sad and then proceed to become an overnight alcoholic.
Oliver had to basically carry your tiny ass to the truck. ”
Her words sank in like a lead weight to the bottom of the lake as the memories started flowing back in small pieces.
Fuck me.
“Noted. Shower. Please,” I pleaded as I pushed myself to a seated position.
“Fine. Hot shower coming up,” she muttered, still pouting as she rose from the bed and walked across the hall to the guest bathroom.
Growing up, I’d never been insanely close to my sister Tessa.
She’d been older and had always felt like this untouchable slice of cool vibes that I couldn’t obtain while still being myself.
I’d been close to my mom and had superficial friendships with the girls in my class.
Everything I thought was ‘normal’, but it never felt like it did in the rom-coms when the girl had a girl gang to lean on and cry with.
Like Sex in the City or Friends.
Real friends who knew you inside and out.
Aspen had been different from day one. My ride-or-die from the moment we spoke.
The bond just formed in a way I’d never felt before her.
And over the last year, we’d welcomed Ember into our little girl squad and Payton was slowly coming around too—we were dragging her along—but details weren’t important.
I had a girl gang. Me. The overly talkative, bubbly, way-too-optimistic-for-my-own-good girl.
Letting out a slow breath, I grabbed my phone, tapping the screen to find no missed calls or texts.
“Fabulous,” I whispered to myself.
“He didn’t call yet?” Aspen asked from the doorway.
I shook my head, knowing that this was one of those rare moments where words were pointless. She wouldn’t say ‘I told you so’, but she was thinking it. She told me he was a shit head, and I deserved better all the time. The problem was, I didn’t feel it. Not truly.
Tossing my phone back on the side table, I pushed the small trashcan out of the way with my foot and stood up.
“Thanks for that, by the way,” I said as I pointed to the only reason I didn’t have to sleep on the bathroom floor last night.
Aspen shrugged. “Oh, don’t worry about it. It wasn’t even my idea.” I arched a brow at her. “Never mind. Let’s get you bathed. I’ll have clean clothes on the bed and more coffee when you’re done. Then we’re talking.”
“Fine,” I grumbled as I walked my ass into the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind me.
It was only ten in the morning, but I felt as if I’d been sleeping for ages.
Not bothering to look myself over in the mirror, I undid what was left of my braids, stripped off the T-shirt Aspen must’ve helped me into, and climbed into the hot shower.
Washing the night away was by far the best way to start feeling human again after a night like I’d had. Things were starting to come back to me, bits and pieces. The fight with Todd, dancing, drinking far more than I should’ve, calling Oliver?—
“Oh. My. God. What the fuck, Ivy!” I groaned, my head leaning against the shower wall.
“What’s wrong?” Aspen called as she popped her head inside the bathroom.
I jumped, internally cringing at myself on so many levels right now. “Well for one, you have no boundaries in the morning,” I mumbled, more to myself than her.
“And you’re grumpy as fuck in the morning,” she replied. “Finish washing the rat’s nest on your head; I’m eager for how many ways I get to off your boyfriend finally. I have your coffee, and if you’re an extra good girl, I’ll have Rowan make you a big, yummy breakfast.”
I used that moment to stick my head outside the shower curtain. “I called Oliver Daddy last night, Aspen. I don’t need greasy food; I need a time machine.”
Her jaw dropped before her lips formed a perfect ‘o’ and she began nodding. “I mean…well…he is a dad technically, so it isn’t as if you’re far off, but I mean…yeah, I’ve got nothing. What the fuck, Ivy.” Her hand came up and covered her mouth as she tried to hide her laughter.
Shoving the curtain closed again, I groaned once more.
“Ugh, go away. Leave me here to drown alone in my misery.” Tossing shampoo in my hair, I continued on.
“The only positive about this is it isn’t like Oliver will call up Todd and tell him, ‘oh hey bud, last night when you bailed out on your girl, she cuddled up and danced with me to a slow song. Oh! And when I offered to drive her home? She said no and begged me to take her back to my place right before calling me Daddy.’ What the fuck is wrong with me? Who let me drink vodka last night?!”
“Well, in my defense, I had no idea you’d even gotten into it with Todd until he stormed out like a child, and by the time he did that, you’d already chugged two more drinks!
After that, there was no reasoning with you, so I just let you dance and had Damien water down your drinks,” she said with a shrug.
Well that would at least explain why I hadn’t thrown up all over the place. I’d felt nauseous, but no puking, thankfully.
“Oh. Well, thank you.”
Aspen rolled her eyes. “As if I’d let you drink yourself to death over a fuck-head like Todd, Ivy. Be so serious right now. Rinse the soap out of your hair; I’m hungry, and your coffee is getting cold.”
She shut the door, and I finished washing my hair and getting the lingering makeup and sweat off my body.
Another ten minutes—best friend be damned—of just standing under the hot water, doing my utmost to ignore any and all thoughts involving the cluster fuck of last night, and I was ready to face the day.
Turning the water off, I climbed out, wrapped a fluffy olive-green towel around myself, and wiped away the condensation on the mirror.
I looked like I’d been hit by a semi-truck, and not in the good way.
Not in the way that my thighs were sore and I needed another yoga class with Ember to stretch it all back out, no.
This was in the way that said I’d spent days in bed crying, and my best friend had found me in a pile of used tissues, only to let me go out and drink myself into a secondary pile of my own misery.
“What the fuck, Ivy,” I muttered to myself once more. I stared into the mirror for another ten seconds before I called it quits. No more whining to myself. Time to whine to my best friend instead.
With a hairbrush in one hand and the towel wrapped tightly around me, I walked back across the hall to the guest room.
Aspen was already there, of course, sprawled across the bed, phone in her hand, scrolling through something, her brows furrowed.
“What’s with the face?” I asked casually, as I picked up the comfy clothes she’d left me.
Aspen was a solid five inches taller than I was, but at this point, I was past caring.
I slipped into the baggy sweatpants and rolled them up until my feet popped through and then slid on the oversized Colorado T-shirt.
“Hello?” I asked again.
Her eyes darted to me, and she sat up, locking her phone. “Um, nothing. Okay, let’s chat. What happened with fuck-boy last night to get you all in a tizzy?”
I rolled my eyes. “One, you suck at lying to me. Two, I wasn’t in a tizzy, I just wanted to drink a bit.”
She stared at me, a single brow raised in clear question of, ‘ha, try again, bitch’. I started pacing.
“Ugh! Fine, whatever. Todd was just being a jerk, okay? Nothing out of the ordinary if we’re being real with each other, right?
He made a comment a few days ago about my birth control and about how it was good I was getting it refilled.
Not because he wasn’t ready for kids though, oh no!
But because I’d be a shitty mom. Can you believe that?
As if I grew up with the shitty mom for a role model or something, ya know?
” I stopped, my eyes wide as I stared at my best friend.
Aspen’s mom was actually horrid and had bailed out on her as a baby, leaving her with her alcoholic and neglectful father. “Oh my God, Aspen, I didn’t mean?—”
Aspen shook her head. “Stop it, Ivy. This has nothing to do with me and my issues. Your mom is a magical, wonderful woman, and the fact that that asshole genuinely had the audacity to say something like that? Absolutely not. But I’m fine.
Not worried you think I’ll be a shit mom,” she said with a soft laugh.
“Continue on.” She waved her hand in front of her as if giving me back the floor to walk and protest upon.
“Fine, okay. I’m still sorry, but anyway.
So that happened, and I thought about it all night.
Not to mention the fact that he went out of his way to get home two minutes before I should’ve been home the other night when we got off early?
Yeah. I sat up reading, waiting for him, and two minutes to spare, Aspen!
What the fuck?! He’d been out for hours! ”
I let out a slow breath before running a hand through my wet hair, my fingers getting stuck in the knots I hadn’t brushed out yet.
“Moving on. I tried to just…get over it. You know, normal Ivy shit. Last night was supposed to be us hanging out, drinking and dancing together, you know? Instead, I got him being a total ass and leaving me to go hang out with his friends. Oh! And on top of all of that? His work wife texted him like eight hundred times before he went out. What the fuck is that about?! Does Rowan have a work wife too? Is this normal? Am I the insane one here?!” By the time I finished and found myself at the end of the tirade, I was screaming, breathless, and contemplating finding a punching bag to smack around a few times.
Maybe I could text Damien and get a guest pass for the boxing gym he practiced at.
“Wow,” Aspen said, bringing me back to the conversation. Her eyes were wide as she chewed on her bottom lip. “Um, okay, so first off, how about you sit down and brush your hair. Maybe doing something with your hands will help you feel more…I don’t know, calm?”
“Ugh,” I groaned as I walked over beside her and threw myself across the foot of the bed, my eyes staring up at the ceiling. “Fuck my hair. I don’t even care. Maybe I’ll cut it all off. Maybe I need a change. I could dye it pink! Or maybe purple? Or silver could be fun.”
Sitting back up, I stared over at Aspen, who was obviously trying not to laugh.
“Ivy, babe, breathe. What do you want to do? Truly?”
Lying back down, I started turning the question over in my mind.
“I do love him, ya know? I mean, at least what I think love is. It obviously isn’t like you and Rowan, but you two are special.
” My eyes returned to hers, but she wasn’t laughing anymore, no.
She looked sad, almost remorseful, which was worse.
“We aren’t special, Ivy. Rowan loves me as much as I love him. He respects me as an individual and wants me to be happy.”
I didn’t respond, mainly because what was there to say? Did Todd love me? Maybe. But did he respect me? I wanted to say yes, but a small voice in my head was calling me a liar.
Reaching over, Aspen took my hand in hers, pulling me from my spiral. “I know you love him, Ivy, I know. But sometimes we have to love ourselves more, right?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I whispered, the tears filling my eyes against my will.
“Please hear me when I tell you that you deserve happiness,” she said, quietly repeating the exact words I’d said to her almost a year ago.
“You deserve a guy who will let you drag his ass out on the dance floor, and who won’t be embarrassed by you when you want to take fifty photos of your book because the background is pretty.
You deserve a love that is full, and fun, and doesn’t only match the love you give but exceeds it. ”
I sat up, launching myself at her, arms wrapped around her neck in a fierce hug that she couldn’t escape if she tried.
“I love you so much,” I whispered into her hair.
“I love you so much,” she repeated back.
After a solid minute of me composing myself, she poked me in the side, an immediate tickle spot of mine.
“Bitch!” I shrieked.
Her laugh filled the room at the same time the thick smell of bacon did. “I know, but my man—ya know, the one that stalked me and you pushed me into giving a chance because romance? Yeah, he’s making bacon, so let’s go eat.”
A giggle burst from my lips and I found myself nodding. “Sounds like a perfect plan to me.”
“Oh, and Ivy?” My gaze pulled back over to her as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “You can stay here in this lovely guest room for as long as you want while you work out a plan. And while I hope it’s just ditching his shitty ass, you know I’ll be here no matter what choice you make. Always.”
I nodded, throwing my wet, knotted hair into a messy bun. “Good. Now, enough serious shit. Take me to the food.”