Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ayda
He loved me.
All of the other bullshit seemed to melt away as the words bounced around in my head and resonated from my skull.
I repeated it, sang it and bellowed it, all in the sanctuary of my own mind as I forced myself to stay calm in front of him.
I don’t think even I had realized quite how much I wanted to hear those words until he said them.
Of course, he said them in true Drew Tucker fashion, gruff, pissed off, but with an honesty I’d come to expect from him.
Even his last sentence failed to leave any real imprint on my inner joy.
I was insulated in that giddy place where Santa used to live, mainly by the simple sentiment of love he’d given me.
I was an adult, and I knew that the revelation of how he felt wouldn’t simplify the situation any more than my confession of love had after the fire.
I knew there was still a large part of him that almost wished I would take his words to heart and walk away.
He would sacrifice what we had in order to save us both, and as admirable as that was, I wasn’t buying what he was selling.
We were stronger together. I just had to learn to walk away when he was with the other guys, and he had to learn to trust I wouldn’t run or push him in a different direction when there was trouble.
We had to establish a deeper level of trust and leave the honeymoon period behind.
Staring up at him with every ounce of the love I felt, I ran my hands up his back to his shoulders, following the thick muscle of his arms as they looped around my neck, and entwined my fingers with his.
There were so many things I wanted and needed to say.
There were questions I needed to ask and answers I had to give, but as the silence wrapped itself around us, I just wanted to lay in his arms and forget the world existed.
Unfortunately, the air between us still crackled and I knew we needed to get a few things out in the open before I could let myself revel in those three little words and the man that had uttered them to me.
“Can I ask you something?”
“No,” he said through an obvious smirk.
Dropping my head back against his arm, I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying my hardest to hide the answering smile that made my lips tingle. “What happened today? With Kenny? I don’t want to get into another screaming match, but if you could help me understand…”
“Understand what?”
“The need to fight,” I said quietly.
He inhaled sharply, bringing our hands down my face and holding me in place. “This morning I told him to stay away from you and he didn’t. Kenny has been… difficult, lately. I figured out the reason why and I didn’t like it. I gave him his warning, and he didn’t listen.”
Leaning into the touch of his hand, I tried to turn over the implications of that statement in my head.
I knew how I would have reacted to anyone else saying something along those lines.
There was an unspoken morality there, but this wasn’t anyone else, and as I was becoming more and more aware, this world was run by a different set of rules.
I just needed to learn them before I put my foot in it again.
“I didn’t know that.”
“He was going to push me until I let it happen. Kenny wanted the fight; he just didn’t know it.
After what happened at the Emps’ place, I was all out of patience.
Seeing him with his hands on you…” He stopped himself from going any further, the usual tightening of his mouth speaking volumes as he searched my face over and over again. “Today hasn’t been a good day.”
“I didn’t know that, either,” I admitted, searching his eyes.
I couldn’t defend Kenny, mainly because I didn’t know what his problem was, but I did need to make something perfectly clear to him.
“I’m not sure why he feels the need to push buttons, Drew, but you have to know that I wouldn’t ever let anything happen.
Not ever. I certainly never would have…”
I trailed off and looked at my bare legs. I’d made a complete fuck up of the situation and made matters worse.
“I’m an idiot.”
“He’s in love with you, Ayda. Can’t say I blame him.
” He lifted my chin carefully. “I never thought you’d do anything.
It was about respect. There was only one way he was ever going to listen to me, which is why I did what I did.
I didn’t enjoy it any more than you liked the idea of it, but this is the life we lead.
Blood is shed like water. What we can’t say in words, we say through the power of our fists. ”
I was so na?ve. I never once thought about Kenny in that capacity.
Sure, he used to flirt with me when I started cleaning The Hut to repay the debt, but I thought that had long since passed.
He spent so much time with Tate, I’d started to think of him like another annoying brother to contend with, but with Drew’s words, that suddenly felt awkward and wrong.
“I really am sorry. I had no idea, about any of it. If I’d known, I would never have invited myself into the game,” I said, dropping my hand and flinging it to the side. “Or insulted him to instigate that chase. I need to know these things, Drew. I treated him like I treat Tate.”
“I really hope you don’t put your ass in Tate’s face like that.” He grinned, finding way too much humor in the fact that I was suddenly squirming.
I shuddered and scrunched up my nose. “Yeah, well that was unintentional. New subject, what happened to your ear? And what did you find out?”
“Christ, were you an interrogator in your previous life?”
“No, I’m just bad at segueing to different topics,” I said, grinning up at him. “I just want to help any way I can. You’ve got so much on your plate right now. Maybe a fresh set of eyes can help?”
“Sleep would help,” he muttered, looking completely exhausted. “And some TLC from the first woman I’ve ever said those three words to would definitely help me get over the fact that I lost a part of my ear today.”
Tender loving care was certainly something I was more than happy to give him in abundance.
Dropping my hands from his, I buried them under the cut he’d pulled back on at some point and worked them up and over his shoulders, slowly guiding the supple leather back and coaxing his hands from my cheeks so I could remove it.
“I thought you’d never ask.” I grinned, my hands tugging it from his arms and tossing it carefully to the closest chair.
Taking a step back, my fingers moved to the hem of his T-shirt, dusting the skin just above the waist of his jeans, the heat of him and subtle flinch telling me that it was more than just his ear that was making him weary.
“Was there any sign of them, other than the trap, I mean?”
Drew paused and I didn’t have to ask to know he was unsure about talking to me about this, but when his body relaxed even more against my touch, I could feel another battle being won.
“They set up cameras to see who came in. By the time Slater had made sure I wasn’t about to fall over from taking a bullet to somewhere vital, we’d wasted too much time.
They’d seen us. I shot out the cameras and we made tracks.
Other than that, the place was empty. This is…
These people… It’s a war that had no beginning and won’t ever have an end.
They hit, we hit. It’s all about moves now. ”
His brows came together as he watched me intently, waiting for something he’d said to freak me out or make me assure him that there must be another way.
“So, it’s like chess—all strategy and hitting where it hurts?
” I asked, my fingers continuing until my palms were resting against his abs.
My hands retraced their path up over his shoulders and head then down his arms until gravity took control and the material fell to the floor.
I tried to avoid the darkening spots all over his body as I worked.
“Chess. Life. What’s the difference?” he said, his voice filled with intensity.
“Nothing, I suppose,” I whispered, my body rocking forward, my lips brushing one of the bruises that mottled the tattoo on his chest. “But if it’s strategy, they’re going to want to take credit for whatever it is they’re doing, so there must have been something other than the cameras.”
“Yep. Definitely an interrogator.” He smirked that Drew Tucker smirk of his. “Our humiliation is their credit, but you’re right, it isn’t over. Not by a long shot. We just gotta hope that the strategies we have in place are enough. But, Ayda?”
My fingers were tracing a path over his hips when my name pulled my glance to his. “Yeah?”
“Please don’t ask me what our strategies are. Trust me to tell you what you need to know. There’s a reason that I keep you in the dark sometimes. That reason could save your life.”
“Some things I just don’t want to know,” I said, liberating the leather of his belt and loosening the buckle so I could reach the button. “I trust you to tell me what you think I need to know. Just be honest with me.”
I turned us slowly, my body pressing against his as I popped the button and slid the zipper down, forcing him to step back toward the bed, stopping only when the backs of his legs hit the mattress.
He sank down almost immediately, his ass meeting the comforter, his hands reaching up to grab my thighs as he looked up at me.
I wasn’t sure what that look in his eyes was trying to tell me, but the moment he dropped his chin and glanced down at his body, I saw exactly what he was staring at.
The very thing I’d been trying to avoid looking at for too long.
“I’m wearing a few new shades of purple and pink since I left you this morning.”
I dropped to my knees in front of him, my fingers exploring the angry spots that covered his skin. I hated seeing him that way. I hated that it was one of his own men that had done it, but more than anything, I hated that I was somehow a part of him being hurt.
“How bad is it?”
“I’ve had worse,” he said through a smile, glancing back up at me with his brows knitted together. “A hell of a lot worse.”
I met his smile with one of my own, my hands dropping to the bottom of the hoodie before I pulled it over my head and dropped it beside me. “I guess that just means I’m on top tonight.”
Pushing up from the floor, my lips met his, my hands pushing the material of my panties down over my hips and letting them fall to the floor before straddling him.
I nudged his shoulders, even as his hands rose and ran along my jaw, the heels of them holding me against him as he dropped back against the mattress with a grunt I probably should have felt guilty about.
Reaching between us, I gave him a slow stroke and bit down on his lip, the growl from his chest just making my need for him flare from the inside out. With a steady hand, I held him in place, sinking down until he consumed me once again.