Chapter 51
Chapter Fifty-One
Ayda
My eyes were drawn to him. No matter who I was talking to or the topic of conversation, my gaze consistently moved back to Drew.
It seemed ridiculous considering how much time we’d spent with one another over the last few days, and in close proximity.
Yet, I couldn’t seem to stop. I needed to know he was still taking those breaths.
I wanted to study the lines of his face and those intense eyes as he tried to read the situation going on around him.
More than all of that, I had to remind myself how lucky we both were to be alive and still have one another.
“How’s that back of yours?” Deeks asked, pushing a beer in my hand with an awkward shuffle of his shoulders as he bounced on the balls of his feet a couple times.
I’d known he’d taken the whole thing hard.
In the few conversations I’d had with Autumn when she brought Drew and me food, she’d mentioned his concern.
That was exactly the reason I threw my arms around him the moment I had the beer in my good hand.
I was still aching, but the sentiment was to tell him to stop worrying and that I would be fine.
It worked, too. His thick arms folded around me and tightened only briefly before he let me go and stepped out of my embrace.
“I’ll be good as new in no time,” I said quietly, taking a mouthful of beer before tipping the neck of it in his direction and encouraging him to do the same. “Just a couple of scratches, and my finger is setting well.”
Deeks paled, his bottle tipping higher as he took half of it in one go. The small gasp for breath was muted by the swipe of his arm across his mouth, and the reprimanding glare he shot me hadn’t gone unnoticed.
“I hate wishing people dead when they’re already there,” he growled, polishing off his bottle.
It was my turn to pale. As much as I was aware of the deaths that had to take place, I’d been conveniently avoiding any thoughts regarding them, or the blood of the man I’d killed that still felt as though it was on my hands most days.
Deeks released another breath as he took me in and shook his head.
“I’m sorry, kid. I didn’t mean to bring that up, but if anything worse had happened to you…”
“It didn’t.”
“But it could have.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’d have made a pretty amazing dad?” I asked. I was being serious, but I kept my tone light and paired it with a smile.
“Oh, Jesus, you must be high on pain pills,” he grumbled, lifting the beer bottle to study and avoid meeting my eyes.
He was hiding his reaction and we both knew it, but there was no way I’d ever call him on it.
It was another thing I stored away to ask Autumn later.
“On that sick and twisted note, I’m going to grab another beer and let the girl talk to you seeing as she’s been sitting there bouncing around impatiently. ”
I glanced over my shoulder and found Libby with her arms over her chest, pretending to be enamored in the conversation that was going on between two of the HW’s.
There was no Tate in sight, which was becoming increasingly concerning seeing as I’d only seen him once since we’d made it back from the warehouse in one piece.
“Deeks,” I said, turning to find him already slipping away.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
He waved a hand at me and huffed indignantly as he disappeared in the direction of the bar.
He had no idea what I was thanking him for.
He had no clue how deep it ran or how many limbs it had grown since the day I met him in the bathroom I’d been cleaning.
He’d become a pivotal part of my life, and he’d given me something I thought I’d never have again: a paternal guidance that was invaluable.
All of the people in the pack had a place in my heart, some more than others, but all of them had my love, respect and, more importantly, loyalty.
Over the days I’d been laid in the bed next to Drew, I’d had more than enough time to think about shit that hadn’t occurred to me in the past. A little too much time, but it had put things into perspective.
“Ayda?” Libby asked, stepping around me and offering a small, polite smile that never reached her eyes. Something was bothering her, and if I had to bet what little money I had to my name on it, I would have said it was about Tate.
“Hey, Libby.”
“You’re looking much better. How do you feel?
” she asked shyly, tucking her loose hair behind her ear as she avoided my gaze.
I knew she cared in her own way, but her concern was lying elsewhere in that moment, and as awkward as it was, I appreciated it.
Knowing Tate had picked a girl that cared enough about him to approach me actually made me like her more, even if I was aware I was to blame for her squirming.
I wasn’t being hostile, but I hadn’t exactly made her welcome, either.
That just made me feel guilty, so I offered her a smile and took a mouthful of beer, letting my eyes dart to where Drew was. The moment our eyes met, I felt better and turned my attention back to Libby. “I feel much better. Some aches and pains but nothing that won’t go away with time. How’s Tate?”
I knew what I was doing when I ended with a question about my brother, and the look Libby gave me told me she was grateful for the opportunity to segue into the conversation she wanted to be having.
As much as she respected, and maybe even liked me, her main concern was somewhere else, and I approved.
She cared about Tate and for me, that was all that mattered.
“Not good. He was there when Deeks carried you in.” She looked up at me with a quiet apology. “He hasn’t been right since, and he won’t talk to me about it.”
“How bad?” I asked, putting down my bottle and tugging her to a quiet corner, making sure I was still in Drew’s line of sight. I could see the sadness in Libby's eyes even though I could tell she was torn about the situation.
“Growing up surrounded by the MC isn’t easy, Ayda.
You see things you never wanted to see, things that you will always have imprinted into the back of your eyelids, scenes that come back to you in your darkest moments.
I have plenty of them. My mom was in love with a Hound after my dad died.
She went through hell and back on a daily basis.
What happened to you will always be one of Tate’s darkest memories if he doesn’t start talking about it soon.
I’ve tried to get him to open up, but he won’t budge. He won’t even talk to Kenny about it.”
“I’ll talk to him,” I said, reaching forward and squeezing her hand.
She may have been older than Tate, but she was falling hard.
She was wearing her heart on her sleeve and I could see that this was costing her.
As much as she didn’t want Tate to hurt, she knew that there could be a resolution to this that wouldn’t end well for her.
“Thanks, Ayda. I hate seeing him like this. He hasn’t even been to practice since it happened and Kenny’s been trying to keep the coach away from here. I just…” She trailed off and looked down at her hands briefly. “I should get back to the bar. The beers won’t open themselves.”
“Don’t give up on him, Lib. He’s stronger than he looks.”
“He’s younger than he looks, too,” she sighed with a sad smile.
“That’s never mattered to you before. Just don’t count those chickens before they’ve hatched. No matter what he’s going through right now, no matter what plans he’s making, I’m pretty sure you’re a big part of them.”
“Well, I guess we’ll see about that. If you go looking for him, he’s with the chief’s daughter.”
With that, she was gone, her tiny figure disappearing into the sea of people loitering around the room while all I could do was blow the air from my body.
I wasn’t sure what Tate was thinking, but I couldn’t imagine it was anything good with Sloane.
Libby was a relaxed kind of girl, but I wasn’t sure their young relationship could survive my kid brother’s idiocy.
I’d barely made a decision to go and find him when I felt the involuntary smile curl my lips as Drew approached.
I didn’t have to look to see if he was there.
As cliché as it sounded, my skin tingled every time he was near, just like my eyes constantly gravitated toward him when he was on the other side of the room.
When I finally turned in his direction, I could see how slowly he was moving, but the satisfaction of moving of his own volition was evident in his grin.
I returned it tenfold, my heart swelling as he slung an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close, his lips meeting my head as he held his own weight like the stubborn ass he was.
“You’d better be keeping your promise to me,” I whispered, burying my face in his neck and breathing him in. I needed to go and talk to Tate, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t look after my man at the same time.
“Have I ever told you I find you irresistible when you're bossy?” He pressed the unbroken part of his mouth against my hair, his fingers grazing through the ends of it over and over again.
“Don’t be charming like that when I can’t take full advantage of your good mood,” I whispered, my lips curling, even though I knew he couldn’t see my smile. “I think I need to have a discussion with Tate, who, by the way, is with Sloane.”
“Who?”
“Sloane Sutton.”
“Of course he is. Go easy on the kid, Ayda. He’s younger than we seem to think he is.”
My hand flattened on his shoulder, careful to avoid the part I knew still hurt.
“I know he is, and I think it’s completely innocent.
He’s got a big heart and he knows how close Sloane got to her step mom in that last couple of months.
I also know he’d never do anything to hurt Libby, even if she can’t see it right now. ”
“I can’t imagine where he got his big heart from.”