20. SEVEN YEARS AGO
TWENTY
SEVEN YEARS AGO
FALL, SENIOR YEAR
PAIGE
We’d done this trail probably a hundred times, but I think it was technically trespassing if they caught us here after dark.
When I had mentioned the night hike idea to Linc, there was no changing his mind, and I was too giddy to care at the moment. Still reeling from an epic first kiss.
My smile stretched as I followed behind him through the rocky climb to the creek. Soft cuts of moonlight snagged on tufts of his dark, wavy hair—just as grabbable as I’d imagined.
Buffy bless. He laughed it off earlier, but I really did want to know how the hell he learned to kiss. He was really fucking good at it.
His lips were so soft, but commanding. It felt like he wove an entire new thread to our existence between our mouths by the time we had pulled apart.
We kissed like we laughed—with everything we had.
I failed to recognize—or maybe with all of the uncertainty, I just wouldn’t let myself think about it—but kissing someone who knew you inside and out was a far more visceral experience than I could have expected.
For some reason, I wasn’t sure if our telekinesis would transfer in that way.
But holy fucking hell— did it ever. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing, and filming it was . . . well, it was pretty fucking hot.
He lifted himself up onto the boulder—just at the mouth of the creek—and then extended his hand out to me. I took it, my breath hitching at the contact but I swallowed it down as he lifted me, while I used my feet to scurry my bottom half up, and Linc chuckled.
“Maybe I need to start doing at least one-a-days with you and Batman,” I laughed.
Linc laughed too but wasted no time pulling me into his arms, twisting me so that I was sitting in the V of his legs. My back pressed to his chest as he held me from behind.
Truth be told, it wasn’t the first time we’d sat like this, but it was different somehow. His hold always felt protective, but there was this small bit of distance we’d always kept between us—just a paper-thin breezeway that was no longer there.
His arms tightened, as if hearing my thoughts —though he probably was— and my head naturally leaned into his shoulder.
“To think, we could have been doing that for years,” he whispered to the shell of my ear, and I felt his lips pull up.
I smiled too, shoving my nose into his shoulder with a small laugh. We’d stayed silent on our way over here. Just listened to some music and held hands in the car. But it was good to know the mind-reading waves were open and clear.
“When did it change?” I asked, absently.
Without any clarification, Linc cleared his throat. “Four years ago for me.”
My eyes bulged, twisting to look at him like the deranged human he was. He’d been wanting to do that with me since we were thirteen?! That was before my boobs came in.
Which made me curious. “When?”
He snorted a laugh, “God, I hate that I have to tell you this but . . . it was Halloween that year.”
My smile pulled hard before I clutched his arms to me, laughing and squirming as he chuckled through a sigh behind me. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. You’re the one that stuffed your bra—it’s really your fault.”
I snorted another laugh, tilting my head with a half-agreeance. I did stuff my bra that night. It was my year to pick the Halloween costumes, and I picked Buffy, of course. Linc went as Angel, and Ellis went as Spike.
“How about you?” he asked.
My lips pulled in, suddenly a bit nervous. I hadn’t really been thinking about any of this until more recently—not really— not for four years.
I shifted my weight a bit in his arms, and he turned me so that I was looking back at him.
My eyes had adjusted to the dark, plus he was right in front of me, his nose practically grazing mine. “Pip, you can tell me no. You know that, right?”
I shook my head quickly to that, and he added, testingly, “Or . . . that you’re not ready? I mean, just because—” he fumbled over his words, shook his head and then said, ”I know four years seems like a long time, but . . .” he trailed off, moving one of his arms only to brush a rogue curl out of my eyes, then released a nervous-sounding breath. “It’s not. Not with things like the almighty forever out there.”
Till the end.
Even through the shadows of nightfall, I could see the sincerity gleaming back at me in his eyes—he meant what he was saying and it settled my moment of anxiety.
But . . . it sounded like he’d waited long enough. I didn’t want to wait. I was ready. Just nervous.
I cleared my throat. “My voice recital. Last spring.”
The corner of his mouth ticked up. A small sigh mixed with something throatier, rumbled against my forehead before he tilted his chin back down to look at me. “You looked so pretty that day—that dress.” His face dropped to my neck, breathing deep.
A shiver ran down my spine, trying to think about how I could secretly wear that dress under every outfit.
I was more of a T-shirt and jeans kind of girl, but if it got that response? I’d order that dress in every fucking color.
Wishful thinking, of course. It was Gram’s.
Luckily, we were able to sew up the hole. While I was petite, Gram was a bean pole when she was my age. My tits weren’t big by any means, but they were big enough to rip the back of the dress a few days before the recital.
It definitely wasn’t anything sexy—just a pretty, vintage, A-line powder blue dress that flared out a bit when I twirled.
Linc chuckled, his lips pressing to my temple, pulling both of our gazes back to the distanced water running through rocks along the creek, the sound of nocturnal critters singing and dancing.
Now that we weren’t talking, only listening, the surrounding noise was so loud, and we both burst out laughing.
“This would be so much more romantic without the symphony of frogs and bugs,” he laughed and then buried his nose in my hair, fueling the fire in my chest.
I laughed too, but it hiccupped with some of that earlier anxiety resurfacing. How did this feel so normal? So good.
The steady beat of his heart echoed the rhythm of our woodsy song and it slowly helped to steady my nerves.
Sighing, I finally said, “I don’t know, I kind of like it. It can be our song.”
His arms held me tighter, his voice a bit raspy as he said, “We already have a song.”
My smile widened, still staring off, with him behind me. Maybe that’s why this seemed so easy. Maybe this wasn’t us changing so much as settling into where we always belonged. Maybe just the idea of it was big.
We had already sat like this. Now we’d kissed.
We’d already had a song.
“Fast Car.”
Another calming wave washed through me as I took a deep breath. Quietly, I started to hum the intro chords, lazily matching it as best I could to the symphony, as Linc called it, surrounding us.
I couldn’t be too scared. Nervous, yes. But scared?
How could I be?
Not in his arms . . .
LINC
Listening to her sing, like this. In my arms, like this, was fucking nirvana.
She had started to sing the lyrics quietly, playing with my fingers in hers, staring off in the same direction I was looking—the black abyss of a deeper trail, farther upstream.
Endless.
But I still felt like she wasn’t quite where I was. Maybe I was just nervous because it all happened so fast. Or maybe it freaked her out to know how long I’d felt like this.
But it’s not like I was miserable through those four years. I just loved her the way I always had, but with new, bonus affection.
“Pip,” I said, hating that I had to cut off her singing, but I had to make sure, “You don’t regret it, right?”
Her chin lifted, twisting before she pushed back a bit, but only so she could turn to fully face me. “Of course not,” she said, her voice cracking a bit, and she shook her head. “Sorry. My voice is just tired. From the show.”
My heart settled a bit, knowing for a fact that happened sometimes, and it wasn’t just a coverup of her unease. She’d had to nurse a tired voice with honey and lemon juice before—vocal rest. It was usually pretty brutal because she talked a lot for being such a pipsqueak.
I was about to encourage her to not talk, that this could wait, but she said, “What we have is special.”
My chin dipped, agreeing. “This doesn’t change that.”
Her teeth pinned her bottom lip, and I darted my eyes away for a second. I felt like I’d been staring at her mouth a lot, and I didn’t want her to feel like I was expecting anything. But I also couldn’t stop thinking about how fucking good they felt against my own lips. How they fit perfectly together with mine.
“Doesn’t it?” she finally asked. “We won’t be friends with a special connection anymore. Our hugs —this— it won’t be rooted to that connection. It’ll be led by . . . other stuff.”
Pulling in a deep inhale, I let her words settle into my mind.
Honestly, it made me feel good. Even if I wanted so badly to be together the way we were earlier in the dressing room, it felt so fucking good to know, to confirm , that what we already had was so precious to her, she felt the need to protect it.
But . . .
“I don’t think that’s how it works. I think—” I said, but then stopped—my throat suddenly feeling dry. I swallowed, flicking my eyes to her. She was still sitting between my legs, but facing me with her legs criss-crossed, her yellow Chucks peeking out in the darkness.
After another second passed, she gave me a little nod, encouraging me to keep going. After another breath, I said, “I just think attraction, desire, they only intensify with time. Fighting it or holding it off doesn’t stop it, it just . . . gives it time to burn.” Then I shrugged and finished with, “And what we have? You’re damn right it’s special, but being together like this doesn’t make it less special. I mean, if we were special friends, don’t you think we might be special this way too?”
Her lips had stretched and pulled up her cheeks through my little speech. She’d moved closer to me—close enough that I could feel her breath hit my lips. She nodded, but moved her chin in that extra inch so that her nose ran lightly up and down mine.
God, her beauty was undeniable. She was a fucking knockout—but nothing prepared me for how effortlessly sexy she’d be. It was like our kiss had shifted her light in my mind, bringing forth this whole other part of her that was hidden in the shadows. But I somehow knew it was there. It was a part of her that I desperately wanted to belong to me.
But only if she wanted that too.
Surprising me, she leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. She deepened it by shifting her legs, and sitting in a high kneel, angling my head. My fingers grabbed onto her waist without a second thought as my tongue parted her lips.
She sighed into me and my hips instinctively rocked. I groaned as she did the thing again—biting my bottom lip and then licking over the bite. I kissed her again, an “mmm” sound rumbling my chest before I rasped, “I fucking love that.”
I felt her smile against my lips. “I—” she started to say, but then looked down. It was too dark to see, but I was pretty sure I felt her cheeks heating as my hands cradled her face.
“What?” I asked her quietly, kissing the corner of her mouth.
She shook her head, “No, forget it—it’s—” she huffed, and I chuckled.
Okay, now I need to know. I pulled her into me. “Tell me.”
Her eyes traced mine through the darkness, her lips pulling into her mouth, and she shrugged. “I sort of . . . had a dream where I did it to you, and you liked it.”
I’m gone. Orbiting the earth with no fucking signal.
I worked to temper the sheer fucking giddiness that shot through my veins, and I cleared my throat. “What else happened in this dream?”
“Oh, God, I can’t—” she shook her head through a nervous laugh before covering her face.
I easily pulled them away and dipped my chin, forcing her to meet my eyes. “How about I tell you a dream I had about you, and then you can tell me the rest of yours?”
Her lips pursed, twisting adorably, and I fought the urge to lean in and kiss her again. Only because I really wanted to know the rest of her dream.
Finally, she nodded, and I searched for a . . . tame dream I’d had of her. She was pretty much the star of my subconscious—and, I guess, my conscious world.
I sniffed my nose, just as I found one. “Okay. Well, one of them was here, actually. There was a party at the cove and you and I snuck off to the waterfall.” My eyes shifted farther down the trail to where the waterfall actually was.
“We could barely hear the party once we were behind it, but they still weren’t far. We could still hear the music, but you . . .” I stopped, suddenly feeling what I guess she’d been feeling.
When I looked up at her, her eyes sparkled back at me, despite the darkness surrounding us, unhelped by the small, crescent moon in the sky.
She silently told me to keep going, seemingly hanging on my words, and I swallowed hard, then continued. “You shoved me up against the rock and kissed me.
“When I reminded you that someone could find us—hear us—I got . . . excited and you knew it. You kissed me again, while you unbuttoned my pants and then . . .”
She gasped. “I blew you behind a waterfall with a cove full of drunk teenagers nearby?” she asked, gaping, but amused, and I suddenly felt my own neck heat. She quickly moved into me, whispering, “ Dream me sounds like a lot of fun.”
I shook my head. Nothing compared to this.
The real her.
A few seconds passed before I said, “Your turn.”
She sighed, pressing her forehead to mine. “You’re gonna think it’s weird.”
I had crazier dreams I could have shared with her too. I got that this was a little uncomfortable, but maybe it would help with the transition. Knowing things like this was a privilege that came with adding this to our relationship. And I, for one, wanted to know everything.
I cleared my throat. “I bet I’ll love it.”
She released a shaky exhale, then slowly started to say, “I was in my bed. I was uh—sleeping—and I . . .” she stuttered, then blew out a breath, and I picked up her hand, giving a small peck to the back of her knuckle and her shoulders dropped.
“I was sleeping, and I woke up to you—um—your face . . .” Her eyes drifted down between us, and my eyes widened, but when she clarified, “between my legs,” it sent an immediate rush to my dick.
And if it weren’t so dark, it would be pretty fucking obvious—given that I was sitting with my legs spread. I bent my knees, but since I couldn’t exactly readjust right now without being glaringly obvious—all the movement did was strain my cock harder, and a grunt pushed past my lips.
“See! I told you!” She lowered her chin, and I swallowed the discomfort, immediately pulling her into me.
“Hey,” I said, my voice rough from the unexpected surge of arousal, my jaw tightened. “Nothing you could ever imagine me doing to you is weird. Got it?”
She nodded, and I took another breath.
I pulled her closer, so that she was on my lap. “And I would love to do that,” I told her, kissing her temple, but I pulled my face away in an attempt to not make the boner I was poking into her any worse.
Silence followed—save for the echoing “woods song”— our song— the soundtrack to our thoughts.
After what felt like minutes of no more words, just wandering fingers, a random press of each other’s lips to an area of skin before she finally said, “Hey, Linc?” I squeezed my response, hugging her a bit tighter and she said, “Don’t delete the video.”
My lips turned up, as my nose ran along her hairline, confessing, “I can’t wait to watch it.”
She shifts a bit. “Will you—uh . . . will you send it to me?”
Running my hand through her hair, I told her, “Why don’t I upload it on a drive for you?”
She snorted. “Are you reinventing the mixed tape?”
I shook my head. “Just to be safe. You never know—shit sent like that ends up in the wrong hands all the time. Better to be safe, right?”
She nodded. Melting into me as she sighed. Another beat passed before she said, “I’m tired.”
It had been a long night, and she had shows the next three weekends. We still had to walk back to the car.
Again, like she was in my mind, she asked, “Does girlfriend status get me carried back to the car?”
I snorted. I could probably carry her if it was just the beach, or a field, but the rocky, steep descent back down . . .
“I will carry you, but you should probably know, we will probably plummet to our death.”
She giggled and the sound danced between my ears before she said, “Sounds like you’re coming down with me.”