3. Trey
Chapter three
Trey
Istill haven't decided whether I'll take Gareth up on his proposal or not, and the unknown is irritating me.
And Eve knows it. We're at hot yoga, she’s been eyeing me up in the floor-to-ceiling mirror on the wall.
She doesn't miss a thing. One of the downsides to having a best friend you lived with for years. She knows all your tells.
Finally, the instructor directs us into shavasana.
My heart's pounding, sweat is pooling in uncomfortable places, and usually this is the blessed part of yoga where my mind is blank, but I can't stop thinking about my stupid high school bully.
Do I ignore him? I've been trying to, but that stupid inquiry is driving me insane.
Bi-curious. No experience with men. Looking to explore.
It can't be legit, can it? Is this a Never Been Kissed-type prank? I'll show up to dinner and what? He’ll laugh and point at me for being gay? I'm obviously bigger than I was in high school. He couldn't push me around if he tried. And I don't care about being teased for being gay.
I had a terrible time coming out of the closet.
I was adopted by an older, Catholic couple, who thought they were doing the Lord's work by adopting an unwanted brown baby.
They were good parents up until they weren't. I didn't come out until I was eighteen because I knew they would kick me out, and I didn't have any friends who I could couch surf with.
I'd made sure I had enough money to split an apartment with Billy, a kid I worked with at the movie theater.
When I told them I was gay, Mom's response was "No, you're not.
" I'll admit - that one I wasn't expecting.
The fire and brimstone and threats of hell that came next were expected.
In their eyes, there was no worse sin than same-sex attraction.
Dad offered to send me to a conversion camp, before they threw all of my clothes out into the front yard and disowned me.
I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt, because it did.
I loved my parents. But I knew I couldn't stay in contact with them.
They haven't tried to reach out either.
So why is this stupid inquiry eating me up inside so badly? Do I want it to be true? Do I want to work for Gareth? Do I want to hear his apology? Do I want him to beg for my forgiveness? Am I really that petty? Or has this simply opened a curiosity loop that my brain is demanding I resolve?
The instructor, Mel, thanks us for joining her. We all "namaste" and roll up our mats. Jamie and Eve close on my heels as we step out into the street. Eve slides her hand around my bicep and angles to walk next to me.
She squeezes my arm, and I anticipate her next words. "What's going on, big guy? You look like you've got a lot on your mind. Everything okay?"
I sigh, already feeling the tension return to my traps. "I got an inquiry yesterday from my high school bully. He says he's bi-curious and wants to explore his sexuality with a man. I'm debating how to answer him."
She hums in thought, and I can feel Jamie wanting to say something, but biting his tongue.
"What is it?" I ask. Jamie's a good man, and I trust his opinions. He's mature beyond his age. He took my best friend and busted through the walls she'd built around her heart and made her his. And I love him for it.
"It's obviously up to you, but people change. Did you ask him about the bullying?"
"He asked to take me out to dinner to apologize for all of it."
"And?"
"And I don't know if I want to let old dogs lie or revisit the worst few years of my life."
Eve squeezes my bicep again. "I know I'm biased, but I took a chance on Jamie and look how that ended up."
"I'm not falling in love with the man, Eve. It's just dinner."
"Dinner tonight, tomorrow love."
I roll my eyes at her but can’t help but smile.
She's been bugging me to give love a chance ever since she and Jamie shacked up.
Her voice lowers, though, and is laced with sincerity when she adds, "I just want to see you happy.
It's too easy in our line of work to think we don't deserve love and happiness. But you do, Trey."
"Not everyone falls in love. Not everyone needs love. I'm happy for you two, truly, but it's just not for me. I don't think I remember how to compromise anymore, and I'm happy with the way things are."
There's a skeptical silence that falls around our little trio.
I lead Eve to their car before bending and dropping a kiss to her cheek. Jamie gives me a manly hug/slap on the back before leaving me with his parting wisdom.
"It's just dinner. What's the worst that could happen?"