23. Trey
Chapter twenty-three
Trey
Gareth is discharged the next day and I'm given strict instructions on what he can and cannot do, and a pain killer and antibiotic regimen.
"Where are we going?" he asks from the passenger seat of my SUV. His leg brace means he's sitting slightly sideways and hanging onto the 'oh shit' handle to keep from knocking his knee against the glove compartment.
"My house."
His head whips in my direction but I suppress my smile. Pleasure heats my chest, knowing I can share this with him. And that he wasn't expecting it.
I pull into the driveway of my mid-century cape cod - the one I used to share with Eve before she moved in with her new boy toy. I tease. Those two are more in love every day and I'm glad they were able to work their shit out.
She'd tease me endlessly if she knew that not only did I fall in love with a client, that I was moving him and his kids into my house. At least temporarily. We’ll have that conversation when he’s recovered.
I'm going to have to come clean eventually, but there's still a lot that Gareth and I haven't said to each other yet. He deserves the truth before anyone else.
I put the SUV in park before coming around to his side, opening the door, and lifting him gently, bridal-style.
He wraps an arm around the back of my neck to help, but I can tell he's still hesitant to touch me.
I told him last night that we were together, but haven't really explained or showed him what that means.
I've barely had the time to decide myself what that means.
All I know is that it felt good to hold him - to be a steady presence he needed to unload what felt like decades of stress and shame.
It felt nice to show up for him, even when I didn't necessarily want to.
When I'd sent the text to dissolve our professional relationship, I'd been frustrated with myself and with him.
He'd been making so much progress with our sessions, and I thought for sure he'd be comfortable coming out.
Only to be disappointed when he balked at the challenge.
I hadn't been completely ready to cut him off, but I knew we couldn't keep going the way that we were.
But getting that phone call from Lindsey had been my worst possible nightmare. I'd thought he was dead. That he'd died without me ever telling him how I felt about him. Without ever getting the opportunity to live completely out and free.
I don't know where we go from here, but I need him safe, and in my house, where I can take care of him. The rest we'll figure out together.
I set him down on the couch, silently, before getting him a glass of water and the pain meds he's scheduled to take.
He fights me on the harder pain killers, so I don't push it.
I prop his leg up on a number of pillows, find a blanket to wrap around him, and check that the top of his brace isn't digging into the skin of his thigh.
I kneel beside him and gently pull his sweatshirt and t-shirt off, because they smell like the hospital.
Silently, I go to my closet and pull out clothes for him.
He puts the t-shirt on with a bit of adjusting, but I have to help maneuver my gym shorts around his cast. I'm bigger than him, so the clothes are loose, but seeing him wearing my clothes has something settling in my chest. Seeing him in my home, on my couch, wearing my clothes. It just feels right.
He looks up at me through his eyelashes, sheepishly.
I sit back on the coffee table, facing him, hands clasped between my knees, wondering how in the world we have this conversation.
"Remember the story I told you back at the hospital? About my client who isn't ready to come out of the closet?"
His cheeks flush pink with embarrassment but he nods, obviously curious as to what I'm about to say.
"The problem isn't that he isn't ready to come out of the closet. The problem is that I've never done this before. I've never had a real relationship with someone and I'm not sure how this works."
He reaches out, lacing his fingers through mine. "I may have been married, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be any better at this than you. It was never like this with Linds," he confesses, and I'm suddenly sure I know what he means. Can it really be love if you're not being yourself?
I've known for a while that I've been falling for him, but getting that phone call that he'd been hurt?
It was like my world had fallen out from beneath me.
The idea that he was gone, or that there's a reality that doesn't have Gareth in it made my heart stop.
I might not know what love truly is, but if the idea of living without him wasn't one I was willing to accept.
Maybe that's what love is. Maybe love isn't a feeling as much as it's a choice.
The choice to show up no matter what - to be there for your chosen person.
Feelings fade and change and can be fickle, but choosing your person every day, even when it's hard or inconvenient. That’s love.
And Gareth makes it easy to show up for him. He's honest, open, easy to get along with, sexy as hell and so eager to please it makes it hard to stay away from him.
So, tonight, there won't be any whispered confessions, but I can show up and show him what he means to me right now.
"I owe you an apology," he says, looking absolutely miserable.
"I'm sorry for what I did back at the restaurant.
All of those feelings of not being able to be with you came back and I was right back in high school.
I was crawling out of my skin with jealousy, but I never should have touched you until I got my emotions under control. "
I think back on that night and what I would have done if I were in his shoes.
I nod. "No, you shouldn't have. But I'm not sure I would have handled it much better...
if I walked into a restaurant and saw you all over another man.
" Jealousy burns my stomach at the thought.
I probably would have made a scene, too.
Gareth is mine. It may have taken me a while to realize it, but the thought of him with another man makes me sick to my stomach.
I squeeze his hand back when a vibration sounds from the floor, where we've tossed his discarded clothes.
He goes to reach for it, but I stop him, pulling his phone out of his pants. It's a FaceTime call from Lindsey.
I hand it to him and he swipes to answer right away. The smile that crosses his face is beautiful. The love this man has for his kids makes me fall for him every time he smiles at them. If he can show up for his kids, I can show up for him.
"Hey guys!" he says, his voice genuinely happier than the last time he saw them.
"Where are you?" Micah asks and it makes me laugh.
"Trey's house. You want a tour?"
He goes to stand before remembering his cast. I take the phone from him and smile at Lil and Micah's faces squished together on the screen, each trying to see more.
"Hey guys," I say, flipping the camera around to show the living room.
I walk them through the kitchen before taking them upstairs.
"I was thinking when you guys come and visit, you could stay in these rooms?
" I show them the two guest rooms that are barely furnished.
I like the idea of them making these spaces their own.
My chest warms at the thought of them in my home, at my dining room table, in the backyard.
"Really?" Lily says, all bubbly excitement.
"Of course, where else would you stay?" I ask, moving back downstairs and towards the backyard.
Lindsey's face replaces Lily's. "Trey, are you sure? You don't have to do that..."
I flip the camera again so she can see the honesty in my face. "He's going to need a lot of help over the next eight weeks at least and I know he's not going to want to give up his parenting time. I have the space, why not?"
Her smile is sweet. "I'm glad you showed up for him. You're good for him."
I smile in return. "We're good for each other."
She hands the phone back to the kids and I show them the fenced-in backyard. It's small, but it's more than they had in his apartment. I don't know why I bought such a big house all those years ago when it was just me, but now I'm glad that I did. This house was built for a family.
"Wow! A backyard? We can play baseball!" Micah shouts, and his childish excitement fills me with pride.
"I mean, maybe not a full game, but definitely enough room to toss a ball around. The neighbors have kids, too, so you might make some friends." Micah and Lil's excitement makes it all worth it.
I go back inside and hand the phone back to their father, leaving them to catch up while I make us dinner.
It's nothing fancy, just some cold cuts on a sandwich, but when I come back into the living room, Gareth's off the phone and giving me a look I can't quite interpret.
"What?"
"What are you doing?" he asks, and suddenly I'm nervous I overstepped a boundary.
"What do you mean?"
I can't meet his eyes as I hand him the sandwich.
"The rooms? The backyard?"
"I'm sorry," I start, eager to fix my mistake. "I figured you're going to be here for a while because of your cast, and I'm not using those rooms, so it's not like I care if they want to paint the walls or buy new bedding...."
I'm rambling, but he covers my knee with his hand. "I can't exactly take care of them in this state..." he says, motioning down his leg.
"But, I can."
"You'd do that?"
"What? Feed and hang out with two of the coolest kids I've ever met?" I shrug. "It's not like it's hard." I mean, I'm sure it's more challenging than I'm given him credit for, but we'll manage. I'm in this now - for good - which means showing up for his little people, too. We'll figure it out.
His hand fists the front of my shirt, dragging me towards him.
I barely register and toss my plate onto the coffee table before I'm dragged up his body.
I carefully lean on his good leg as he drags my mouth to his.
The kiss starts out needy and passionate, but dissolves into soft licks and sweet moans.
We make out for what could be minutes or hours, I don't really know and I don't really care.
I'm hard, but this moment feels more like a reconnection - an understanding between two men.
It feels like home.