Chapter 44 #4
“When I bought you, I thought only of you as a tool for my vengeance. I never intended to… to feel something for you. You bewitched me, my little wolf, cast a spell upon me the moment I set eyes on you, magic as powerful as any fae could create. In time, I came to realise that I wanted you—really wanted you—and this powerful feeling you awakened within me, this craving… this need… I have been fighting it because I knew that while I wanted you, I could never truly have you, but I do not know how to master it.”
She whispered, “I don’t think it’s something you master.”
I looked at her, drowning in her beauty, aching for her to always look at me so softly, to always be here at my side.
“It is something that has mastered me. You have mastered me. And now I cannot live without you. A moment apart and I am wild with a need to see you again, to gaze upon your beauty and see your smile.”
A faint blush coloured her cheeks.
I swept my fingers down her cheek, daring to hope as her gaze softened, as she leaned into my touch.
“Nothing will ever happen with Vaeleryn. I swear it to you. That is what I had intended to tell you at dinner. I will find a way out of this somehow, and I am coming to realise now that maybe this is the reason I have been slow to have my revenge, finding ways to delay it, because once it is done, the high king will expect an engagement and then a wedding as promised… and I do not want to give him one.”
I stroked her cheek, savouring the warmth and softness of her against my palm, how she gazed at me with what I dared to name love.
And whispered.
“I would delay my vengeance forever if it meant I never had to wed her.”
Saphira reared back, her eyes widening. “What did you just say?”
It shocked me as I thought about it and I realised I would do it.
“I carved so many pieces of myself away… I lost so much of myself… blinded by my vengeance that I have allowed to consume and shape me. You opened my eyes, Saphira. You made me see what I had done to myself and what the future I want really looks like. I want that future. I want you. For you, I would give up my vengeance.”
She blinked at me. “Why?”
I smiled as I leaned towards her, as she stared at me in surprise.
“Because I do not want her as my bride, Saphira.”
I leaned closer.
“I do not want her as my queen.”
Brought my lips to hers and whispered against them.
“I want you.”
She pulled back before I could kiss her, her beautiful face growing dark and then torn as she shook her head.
“You can’t just do that. You can’t just say pretty words you don’t mean because it’s what I want to hear.
Saying what I want to hear doesn’t change things…
It doesn’t change that you kept things from me when you should have told me. ”
She pushed to her feet and dusted off her backside, glowering down at me.
Exuding darkness.
“I deserved to know, Kaeleron… before I fell in love with you. Before things went this far.”
I vaulted to my feet and captured her cheeks before she could evade me, my shadows snaring her ankles to hold her in place as a storm battered me, the thought of her leaving me a violent tempest that shook me to my core.
“I meant what I said, Saphira. Every fucking word of it. I would give up my vengeance for you if you will it. If you want me. I would do that without hesitation. And if you do not wish me to give it up, then I will find another way… I will issue a declaration of war with Ereborne with a single word.”
She went very still, her eyes locking with mine.
“I will let you pick it. What shall I name you? Ally. Lover. Mistress. Queen. Which will it be?” I searched her eyes, feeling a little crazed as the wind buffeted us, a storm brewing above as clouds gathered and darkened, and the scent of impending rain filled the air.
“If you shall not speak it, I will. I will go to Ereborne right this moment and tell him what you are to me.”
Her hands shot to mine, clasping them tightly as they had at the ball, anchoring me in place as fear tainted her sweet summer scent. “Don’t. Don’t be so reckless. You can’t endanger this entire court over me. You can’t give up on finding your brother either. I don’t want that.”
“I can and I will endanger this court for the sake of its queen.” I held her gaze, refusing to let her look away, forcing her to see I meant those words with all my heart.
Queen.
No other word fit her so well.
But the thought of sacrificing my brother to have her. It weighed heavily on my heart.
“I won’t let you give up on him,” she whispered as she slowly shook her head, as if she had read my mind, or my thoughts were written plainly on my face as my mood took a sombre turn.
“We could capture the seelie who are looking for me. Lucas might lead us right to them. You could find out where your brother is from them.”
Her words gave me hope.
“If it comes down to it, if it is the only path open to me, I will give up my brother and accept that my sister is most likely right about his fate… so I could be with you.”
She shook her head again.
“Just…” She tightened her hold on my hands as a myriad of emotions crossed her beautiful face. “I need time to think about all of this. Just give me a little time to process it. I need some time.”
I released her face and went to take hold of her hand.
She moved it behind her back and wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Can you have dinner sent to my room?”
“Why?” Shadows lashed at and hurled rocks in several directions as the reason hit me.
“I can’t just go back to how things were, as if nothing has happened. I can’t just blindly trust you again… I need a moment. You owe me that much. I need time to think and get my head straight. I need to trust you again.”
I reined in the urge to shake my court as it built within me, pushing it down and seeking calm as I looked at her, at those tears that lined her lashes as she looked at me, at that pain that glimmered in her eyes that cut me like a blade, sinking deep into my heart to cleave it open as I had cleaved open hers.
I nodded.
And held my hand out to her.
She slipped hers into it.
I went to teleport her back to her rooms and then let the magic fall away, my tone as solemn as my heart as I looked down into her eyes.
“I swear I will find a way out of this agreement—even if it means giving up my vengeance. I will find a way for us to be together and I will make things up to you and give you a reason to trust me again with your heart—because mine… for all it is worth… no matter what happens, it will always be yours.”