Wolfkissed

Chapter 52

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

VALERIAN

She has destroyed me. Wrecked me. I thought I could go through this unscathed, that it would be good for me even, having her touch me, satiate the hunger, quench the thirst, and give me the mental distance I need from her.

After all, it’s my body that wants her most, right? It’s all lust, desire, and now that she has put her mouth on my cock, I should lose interest.

Hells, I’m still trying to delude myself, convince myself it’s only physical, only superficial, this want, this need.

I can’t catch my fucking breath. She ruined me, and I haven’t even been given permission to touch her back.

I’m falling so hard, I can’t even see the bottom of this dark well.

She rises to her feet and steps away, and I’m still sitting on the rock, sure the ground is moving and the world spinning around me.

“We should get going,” she says, combing her fingers through her long hair. “It’s getting dark.”

“Right… So dark in this well of desire and need…”

“Valen.”

“Yeah.” I sit up, dizzy. My cock is still hard, my knot still swollen—of course it is, because I didn’t get to sink into her. I’m trying to gather my scattered wits, and she’s standing there, cool and unaffected by what we did.

What she did to me.

I never expected to come like that, to lose all control. Grab her hair. Fuck her mouth. Come all over myself. Feel like the world shifted, tilted, like my body was wrung dry and my mind was filled with her.

How do I come back from this?

“Valen?” She’s gazing at me, her face uncertain. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah. Yes.” I pull a clump of grass and wipe the mess I made on my chest. Then I slowly get up and pull up my pants.

“I didn’t hurt you?”

Taken aback, I blink. Then I almost laugh out loud, because dammit, she absolutely did. She hurts like a sweet wound. But above all, it hurts because she’s so concerned, and…

“You didn’t hurt me,” I say, my voice breaking only a little. “You were amazing.”

Her eyes brighten. “Really?”

“Yeah.” I smile at her. “And what about your body?”

“What about it?”

“You haven’t explored it yet. I reckon we should try that next.”

Even in the gathering darkness, I can see the bright blush on her face. “I don’t… there’s no need.”

“I thought you wanted to know everything.”

It’s cruel on my part. You might call it thoughtless. We’ve already gone too far. I’m well aware of that. This is where I should mark the end, before we reach our destination, before I destroy her just like she destroyed me.

But fuck, I can’t stop myself. I’m like a carriage with spooked horses and broken reins, galloping down a slope, about to crash and burn.

Hells, it would be worth it. For me, it would be so fucking worth it. But I’m not the one going to get married, so I say nothing more and start walking.

After all, she’s right. Night is falling and we need shelter.

This is my responsibility, my duty, and I let myself lose sight of it. I’m her protector. She’s mine to look after. And I’m doing a damn lousy job of it.

We spend the night in a small cave that I first clear of spiders and other crawlies. I let her sleep in the back and I take the entrance, so that anything that comes looking for a bite will have to step or crawl over me.

Needless to say, I don’t get much sleep. And the truth? It’s Rosie on my mind, not possible predators. Rosie’s warmth, her face, her body. Her touch.

I’m fucked. I’m a fool in love. Who would have thought? My friends and family back home will laugh themselves sick when they hear about this. Laugh, while I shut myself up and howl, turn into a wolf and wander the world, hoping to heal from this blow.

Because this journey is almost over. We can’t be far now. I know the area where this Lord Eorl lives, I passed close by as I travelled through the lands—before I was captured by the fae lackeys of Rosie’s stepfather.

At this point, my mind is painting pictures of me with Rosie in a house up on the mountains, with a rose garden to fit her name, pets, friends, and children running around us.

Did I say I’m fucked? Well, I am.

A noise draws me out of the cave, and I find a boar sniffing around. I chase it away, then get attacked by a buck, and I’m glad for it, glad to fight it off and spend some of that dark, restless energy that’s drowning me.

Then I pace in front of the cave mouth like a caged animal, hoping for more attacks, for more animals to fight. I thump my fists on my chest, snarling at nothing and everything.

“Come on. Come at me.” I only want an excuse to extend my claws and sink my teeth into flesh, to punch and slash and roll in the dirt. To shift and lope away. If only being in wolf form changed my mind, clarified things. But that never happens.

I wish I’d been killed back at her home. I wish she’d killed me. It would have been a mercy.

“Valen?” She emerges from the cave as the first rays of light sweep across the sky and the dragons dance among the clouds. “You’re up.”

I smile at her, because how can I not? Seeing her drives the darkness away and calms my racing heart. Seeing her reminds me of my role in this crazy venture. Of my place.

I’m her guide, her protector. Nothing more.

“Ready to hit the road, Princess?” I ask, amazed that my voice is so steady after the night I had.

“Are you okay?” She approaches me and lifts a hand to my face.

I catch it, struggle not to press it to my cheek, my mouth. Slowly, I lower it. “I’m fine. I believe we can be at the manor before nightfall.”

Her blue eyes widen. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I recognize this area. I know we’re close.”

She smiles, and it shatters something in me. Just like she ruined me yesterday and then got up, oblivious, now she’s smiling about meeting this other man, this human, this lord, and doesn’t seem to have any regrets.

Whereas I… I want to tell her how I feel, what I hope.

And can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to her. It wouldn’t matter.

It would only humiliate me. I’d prostrate myself to her, beg on my knees, but it wouldn’t make any difference.

She’s been hoping for this wedding all her life, hasn’t she?

She was promised to him, and he to her. She carries his picture in that locket hanging between her breasts. She’s been dreaming of him.

I’m just the guide, the instructor… the stand-in. The proxy.

Schooling my face into a neutral mask is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Pretending I don’t care is near impossible, but that’s my problem, not hers.

I take her hand, and she follows me, her steps light. We cross two shallow streams and a dark grove. I’m not wrong. This is the way. We are already in this Lord Eorl’s lands.

I never thought much about it when I last crossed through, only careful not to get caught by his reeves… until I let myself get distracted and caught in the nets.

Until her.

My steps drag. I can run almost as fast as my wolf in this form, but now she’s the one tugging on my hand as I lag behind.

“Valen?” she asks at some point. “Aren’t you feeling well?”

“I’m fine.”

Her eyes are so bright. “You will like Lord Eorl, you’ll see. He’s a gentleman. A great man.”

My dislike for him grows by leaps and bounds, and I haven’t even seen him yet. Fuck…

“He’ll host you,” she goes on, “give you a luxurious room, as befits the man who saved me and led me to him. We will have banquets and balls, and—”

“I told you, I will leave before we arrive there,” I mutter.

“Valen…” Her face falls. “Please, come with me. Stay a while.”

“No, Princess. I can’t do that.”

“Please, Valen.” Her lashes lower and she plays her trump card. “Please, don’t leave me yet.”

Fuck. Who knew she was so adept at manipulating me? Has she realized that I can’t refuse her even when I should? That I’m a plaything in her hands?

“I’ll watch from afar as you enter the manor,” I rally my resolve. “Make sure you’ve arrived safely. Then I’ll head on home. That was the plan all along and you know it.”

“But surely you’ll stay a few days to rest,” she insists.

“I’m a dark fae, Princess. A werewolf. I doubt your lord will be happy to see me, let alone have me in his house.”

“You don’t know that. Don’t be so prejudiced against us. We humans can get along with the fae just fine.”

I shake my head a little. Our history isn’t conducive to friendships and calm, although many of us try.

We’ve been trying for centuries, ever since the fall of King Rouen of the fae who ruined any trust the humans and seafolk may have had in us.

The world is at peace now, despite the rogue dark fae like the ones who kidnapped her, who keep poisoning our relations.

And as for Rosie… she was ready to have me killed and thrown into a ditch not too long ago. Of course, I can’t lump her in with the rest. Her case is extraordinary. Still, I’ll keep my doubts about this Lord Eorl, thank you very fucking much.

I’ll keep my doubts and my growing panic as our separation moment draws close.

You shouldn’t let her go, I almost hear my mother’s voice in my head. When you find a good thing, Valen, a perfect match, you don’t let go.

But she’s gone. So what I need to do is deliver this pretty girl, this strong, determined, beautiful woman, to her future husband, rejoin my family, and mourn my mother. Build her a memorial.

My mate’s mother killed my mother, and it’s like a circle closing. I could go back to her home and seek revenge. But what is the use of that?

My heart is too heavy. I’ll have to mourn twice, both my long-gone mother and my just-found love.

“You’re brooding,” Rosie says, tugging on my hand. “What’s going on, Valen?”

“Nothing.” I put on a cheeky grin for her and see her face relax. “Just planning my way back home.”

The shine in her pretty eyes dims. “After the manor, though, right?”

I sigh. “After the manor,” I agree. “I told you I’d see you there safely, first.”

She ducks her head. “Will your friends come to get you?”

“Sure. I’ll pee around the woods, so they can scent me.”

Her head comes up sharply. “Are you serious?”

I chuckle at her expression. “I could do that, in wolf form. But I’m sure the news of my arrival with you will reach them soon enough. In fact… I can’t be certain, but I think a couple may be tracking us already.”

“What?” She looks around. “Why wouldn’t they come talk to you, then?”

“They are discreet people.”

“Really?” She frowns at me.

“No, you’re right. They aren’t known for their discretion. But they’re probably wondering what is going on. Why I am in a human’s company. Why I smell so aroused all the time.”

Her cheeks flush pink. “They can smell that?”

“Wolves can smell everything, Sweetheart.”

“That’s embarrassing. Oh, Gods!” She has probably just realized that those wolves have smelled her arousal, too. “Are they giving us… privacy?”

“I told you they are discreet.”

“Discreet is not a word I’d ever use for any of you.”

I press a hand to my heart. “Not even me? You wound me.”

Her expression clears. “You’re like a ram battering down a castle door, Valen.”

“Ouch.”

“I never stood a chance,” she whispers, and tugs on my hand. “Come on.”

What does she mean by that?

But I don’t have much time to ponder and wonder. As I had predicted, after we climb one more hill and the view clears, we see it.

The manor.

Lord Eorl’s home.

We’ve arrived.