40. 40 – Hatter
40 – Hatter
B uck is slurring his words. I pinch the back of his hand. “Stay alert. Red’s going to cut you off again.”
It would be kinder to let it happen, to force him into a detox, if she wouldn’t just let him suffer before dosing him up again. He slumps in his stool at the bar, groaning as he drops his head into his hands. “I don’t care.”
He’s spiraling. Worse than I’ve seen him before. Worse, since his latest escape attempt failed.
“I don’t want to be here anymore, Hat.” He pours himself another glass, almost overflowing with amber liquid that he tosses back like water. “Maybe tonight’ll be the night I get out.”
“Not in the state you’re in.” I turn, scanning the crowd. Red is up in the Palace, entertaining some locals. “She’s been making noises about settling here, you know. Permanently.”
A permanent base for Wonder. In the place that Buck hates most.
His face twists. “Fucking fantastic. And that’s not what I meant.”
He despises coming back here. The drinking always gets worse when we do. Maybe that’s why Red seems to enjoy being here so much. All part of her entertainment, although she doesn’t seem particularly entertained by Buck at the moment.
Buck drains the glass as I turn back to him, reaching for the bottle again.
“What did you mean?” Frowning, I grab it from his hands. It’s empty. “You’ll end up killing yourself. No more tonight.”
He points at me – or in my general direction. “Don’t ruin my plans.”
I pause, my eyes sliding to him. “Don’t.”
It wouldn’t be the first time he’s tried. They’ve pumped his stomach in the staff area twice before, Knave pinning him down as he choked and begged.
Red does not like to lose. And she sees her ongoing battle with Buck as a competition.
Knave appears at my back. “Red wants to see you.”
Sighing, I look at Buck. “No more.”
But Knave shakes his head. “She wants both of you.”
Shit.
Buck stumbles off his seat. “Great. I have a few things I want to say to her.”
He’ll provoke her. Say whatever he can in an attempt to enrage her into killing him.
It never works. But she’ll find a way to punish him for it.
“Quiet,” I hiss at him as we make our way upstairs. Knave glares after us as he takes up a space at the bottom, preventing anyone from following us into the VIP area.
He’s not allowed up here, much to his annoyance. He pants after Red like a bitch in heat.
I end up half-dragging Buck, pushing the curtain aside as we duck into Red’s space. She’s fully gowned tonight, dripping in glittering stones that look like diamonds.
A gift, perhaps. She gets enough of them.
Her lips curl up when her eyes land on me. “There you are. My lovely mad one.”
I fucking hate that nickname, and she knows it.
She ignores Buck completely. He starts humming at my side, and one of the men seated beside Red murmurs. He’s grinning, staring at Buck.
Buck’s too wasted to notice.
On Red’s other side, a man is kneeling, flanked by two of her henchmen. Head down, I can’t see his face. Only a shock of blonde hair, the edge matted with something that could be blood.
So, it’s to be one of those nights then.
The man beside Red straightens. “I appreciate your assistance.”
She smiles at him, slow and inviting. “As I appreciate yours. I look forward to seeing you next time we’re in town.”
He kisses her outstretched hand before brushing past us. Buck is frowning as he twists. “Was that—,”
Red snaps her fingers. I tense as two other men move up beside Buck, grabbing his arms. He doesn’t struggle as they throw him down beside the kneeling man.
The man looks up. Blue eyes, hazy with alcohol - or something stronger - meet mine.
Red taps her fingers on the arm of her chair. “I’ve been asked for a favor from a friend.”
I wait, my hands behind my back even as dread curls around my throat, tightening like a noose.
She stares at Buck, her lip curling before she moves onto the man. “Now then, Adam. Your name is Adam, correct?”
He blinks. Slowly. Nods.
Definitely on something.
Red eyes him, something close to temptation flitting across her face. As if she’s sizing him up as a new accessory. “I’m going to give you a choice, Adam.”
She flicks her hand, and a tray is brought forward. That noose around my neck tightens as I take the contents in.
The syringe. The black tar. A spoon. A lighter.
Red smiles at Adam as I look over at Buck. “Because I’m feeling generous this evening, I’m going to let you pick. Who gets the shot? You, or the man beside you? You’ve already sampled the goods , so to speak.”
It will kill whoever takes it. A dose this high is more than enough to kill a grown man. And if he’s taken something else…
Buck closes his eyes. I catch a single word on his lips.
Please.
Adam wets his lips. Still coherent enough to understand, although the words come slowly. “Why?”
Red shrugs. “Because it amuses me, and Buck is beginning to bore me. But if you’re asking why you’re here , the answer is that you’ve managed to make some of my friends rather angry, I’m afraid.”
She leans forward, eyes gleaming. “I must confess that I thought it might be more difficult to get you here. I didn’t realize how… simple , your tastes are. Tell me. Does your club know about your little side hobby? Those marks in your arm certainly tell a story. You belong to the Hearts, no?”
His lips press together. He doesn’t say anything.
Red sits back, satisfaction in every movement. “So you may choose. Yourself, or the man beside you. One lives. One dies.”
Adam turns his head, staring at Buck.
Buck doesn’t look up from the floor.
Red is tired of Buck. I knew it, warned him about it, but he refused to listen to me. This is just a little entertainment for her. She doesn’t care if he lives or dies.
But whoever this Adam is – he’s going to die tonight, whatever he chooses. Through the drugs, or through a bullet in his skull.
He won’t be walking back out of these doors.
I wonder if he realizes it, too.
“Red.” She twists, brows flicking up as I say her name. The words feel like sawdust in my mouth, but I force them out anyway. “Don’t do this.”
She grins, delighted with my words. “How unusual for you to speak up, my love. Will you miss your little friend?”
Yes. The air in my throat cuts off entirely. “ Please .”
She only shrugs, that poisonous smile on her lips. “Not my decision, I’m afraid.”
I close my eyes. They’re both going to die.
When I open them again, Adam is watching me. There’s more clarity in his gaze now. And something harder. He drops his eyes to the ground, eyes flickering as if he’s working through options in his mind and coming up empty. “Either way, I’m not going to live past tonight, right?”
A small shrug. Red looks coy. “I don’t believe in giving the game away, I’m afraid. Pick, and you’ll find out the answer.”
If he picks Buck. He’d be a damn fool not to.
“Pick me,” Buck mutters. “I’m ready to get out of here.”
“Shut up.” My voice is harsh. “Don’t be a fool.”
Adam hesitates, then.
I step forward, not even sure what I’m asking for. “He doesn’t mean it. He’s drunk.”
“He’s always drunk.” Red rolls her eyes. “Really, it would be a mercy.”
Adam glances between us both. I stare at him, silently pleading.
Please.
I wonder what he sees.
His lips press together, the blood draining from his face. “I’ll take it.”
Everyone stills. I almost stumble.
Red snaps. “What?”
He nods at me. “I’ll take it. I’m not a fool. I’ll die anyway.”
“And if I kill him?” Red sounds infuriated.
Buck sinks his face into his hands. I’m not sure if it’s relief or devastation.
Adam lifts his chin. There’s no fear in his eyes when he looks at Red. “Either way, it won’t change what happens to me. But my conscience will be clear.”
“Hatter.” Red’s voice is filled with tightly controlled fury. “Do it.”
I stop. “What?”
She nods. “You heard me. You wanted it. Give him to Knave when you’re done for disposal.”
Red stands. Her gold gown flows out from behind her as she reaches forward, gripping Adam by the chin. She twists his head from side to side. “Pretty. A shame, really.”
That’s all the time she gives him before she sweeps out.
I can feel the eyes of her men on me. Waiting.
Slowly, I move over to the tray. He doesn’t say anything, but I can feel him watching me. “What is this place?”
“Hell,” Buck mutters.
I nod. “That covers it. How did you get in?”
His face pales further as I flick the lighter. I’ve never done this before. Seen it plenty of times, here, but never been so close.
It smells… sweet. Sickly. Almost vinegary.
“I…well. Ironic, really.” He laughs, the sound harsh and dark and full of self-loathing. “Through my dealer. He told me he had a ticket, gave it to me. I should’ve realized it was a set-up.”
“Why?”
He cricks his neck, the sound a sharp, uncomfortable crack. “I… I’m part of a gang. The Hearts. There’s four of us in the city.”
Beside him, Buck stiffens. “Like the Spades.”
Adam nods, his eyes on the movement of my fingers. “The prez of the Spades – Gryphon, he doesn’t like us very much. Thinks we’ve been poaching on his territory. Looks like he has a cozy partnership with your boss and I’m the sacrificial lamb.”
“Gryphon doesn’t like anyone.” Buck curses. He looks more aware now. “I knew I fucking recognised him.”
I turn, the needle in my hands. My voice is quiet. “So here you are.”
“Yes.” He keeps his head up, but I can see him shaking. “Make it quick. As much as you can.”
I watch him.
They’re going to throw him away like trash. Discard him somewhere in the city, just one of many who fall prey to the drugs so easily obtained on the street. “What’s your name? Your full name?”
He wets his lips, his voice quieting. As if he’d prefer the men around us not to overhear. “Adam… Adam Lidell.”
Adam Lidell.
I’ve seen the consequences of Red’s games. Hundreds of times.
But she’s never made me a part of them before. And I hate it, hate every fucking part of it as I prepare the injection to kill a man I’m more than certain doesn’t deserve it.
“I’m sorry,” I offer him. My eyes flicker to the men around us.
There’s no way out. He’d never make it.
Jaw tight, he nods. “It is what it is. Let’s not draw it out any longer than it already will be.”
He doesn’t fight when I wrap the strap around his upper arm, tightening it. I glance down at the marks that already sit just inside his elbow.
Adam follows my gaze.
“Stupid,” he mutters. “Alyss would be so disappointed in me. Chess too.”
“Who are they?” I press on the vein, testing it.
“My sister. My best friend.” Adam swallows. “It killed our dad too. He thought he was invincible, you know? I don’t know why he started. He hid it well enough, until he stopped bothering. He was a damn shell in the end. Didn’t even try to stay off it. I had to take over his… his job at the club, and it was hard. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted it half the time. I always thought Alyss would be better at it than me. The first time I injected, I just… needed a break. Wanted to know what made him so obsessed. I figured I could stop after the first time.”
Buck stirs. “Only a few find the way out. Some don’t recognize it when they do – and some don’t ever want to.”
He laughs again, but it’s choked. “I wanted to. That’s the fucked-up thing about time, isn’t it? You always think there’s gonna be more of it. Fuck, Alyss will hate me so much for leaving her with it all. And she won’t even know what happened.”
I kneel in front of him. He swallows, staring down at the needle with glassy eyes. “I want it, even now. How fucked is that? I know what it is, know what it’ll do to me, but I still fucking want it.”
Buck, silent next to me, bows his head.
I hesitate.
“It’s okay,” Adam says roughly. “You’re just the messenger. But… if you get chance. Would you get a message to her? Alyss? Just tell her… tell her I’m sorry. For all of it. For putting it all on her.”
The men behind him shift. I’m not allowed past those doors.
My only glimpses of freedom are the times we’re transported between cities. Glimpses through the locked doors of the trucks that transport us like cattle, flashes of place to place.
I stopped bothering to look, in the end.
I hate lies. Hate them. But I look into his face as I slide the needle into his skin. “I’ll find her.”
And it doesn’t even taste sour.
He takes a breath. Nods. “Do it.”
His eyes spill over, pain tracking down his cheeks as I press against the syringe, the liquid flowing in.
“She’s going to be alone. She’ll push everyone away.”
I don’t say anything. What can I possibly say?
My body feels heavy as I sit back and watch.
It’s not immediate. The minutes stretch into an hour. I catch him as his body slumps. His words, when they come, are slurred.
“You’ll find her?”
“Yes.” His hand is cold. “I swear it.”
Buck stares at me, his face expressionless. But he stays, too.
We both watch over Adam Lidell as his breathing begins to slow and shudder.
Rook steps forward. “Enough fucking around. We’ll take him now.”
“Wait,” I say harshly. “Just – just fucking wait . He hasn’t got long.”
I don’t want him to die alone. But hands grab me, pulling me back. Buck fights with the men holding him as Rook offers me a smirk. He and one of the others grabs Adam Lidell by under his arms and drag him away.
And all he leaves behind is a promise.
That I will find Alyss Lidell, and tell her that her brother was sorry.
Red uses the whip that night. It cuts lines into my back, lines that fade into silvery scars as she takes out her irritation on my skin.
I tell her the truth she hates hearing, over and over again.
I hate you.
I hate you.
But with every slice, the promise I made to Adam Lidell burns deep in my chest.
I will not break this promise.
And I start to plan.