Chapter 34
Serena
The morning sun filters through the windows of Skyline’s gym, casting a warm glow over the bleachers. I stand with my teammates awaiting our turn at the state competition. We’re all choosing to be energized, kind of ignoring the nervousness that itches the atmosphere.
We huddle together one last time, the familiar scent of hairspray and anticipation surrounding us. Coach Miller’s words of encouragement ring in our ears as we take our places on the mat, ready to showcase months of blood, sweat and tears.
The music starts, an upbeat medley that sets the tone for our routine. With each count, we move as one, executing flips, twists, and jumps with precision and power. The adrenaline courses through my veins as I tumble across the mat and trusting my teammates to catch me as I soar through the air.
We feed off the energy of the crowd, their cheers and applause driving us forward with a sense of camaraderie and unity .
As we reach the end of our routine, we hit our final pose with a sense of satisfaction, knowing that we’ve given it our all, the result of countless hours spent perfecting our routine. The crowd erupts into applause, and we share congratulatory hugs and high-fives, basking in the joy of our success.
The moment of truth arrives as the judges tally the scores, and we hold our breath, hoping our hard work has paid off. When the results are announced, a wave of mixed emotions washes over us–we’ve taken second place.
Despite the disappointment of not clinching the top spot, we hold our heads high, proud of what we’ve accomplished together as a team. Alli packs her navy blue and gold bow into her bag, and she nudges my elbow, a knowing look in her eyes now that we’re in the locker room.
“What?” I ask curtly.
“You’re glowing.”
“Yeah, it’s my highlight.”
Alli palms her forehead at my response. “Not that kind of glowing.”
“Can you get to your point?” I reinforce, crossing my arms. My eyes glance around us, noticing that it’s just us two. The rest of our team is still in the gym.
“You’re glowing glowing ,” Alli says, finger-quoting the words .
I arch a brow, still not following.
“Why didn’t you tell me you lost your virginity?” Alli hushes her tone for any prying ears.
What the fuck. That’s a thing when you lose your virginity? You sparkle like Edward Cullen?
I shake the thoughts off. “It’s nothing.”
Alli slaps my arm, making me yelp.
“Ow, be gentle with me! I just tossed my body across the mat and in the air for half that routine.”
“ Lo siento .” Alli winces. She puts her hand up to keep the topic at hand. “You never told me you did the deed with Tyler.”
A pang of sadness washes over me, and I feel a part of my heartbreak. Tyler and I haven’t had a chance to talk lately, or maybe I’m just the one not giving us a chance. I just haven’t had the time to process and think about how to express my feelings to him. Every time I think about broaching the subject, the timing never seems right or everything I practice in my head doesn’t turn out right and I’m left feeling frustrated. Texting wouldn’t be right. Calling doesn’t sound right either. What I want to say, I don’t have the words yet. The words I want to say are trapped inside me, unable to find their way out. I haven’t spoken to him in a week. I’ve been fortunate that Coach Miller pulled me out of tutoring sessions this past week to extend our practice sessions. It’s allowed me some time to mull over what I want to say. However, every moment has been consumed by practice.
“Can we not talk about him right now?” I ask, grabbing my bag to head out.
“Serena, did something happen? Because I’ll slash his tires if I need to,” Alli offers, her words laced with protective fierceness.
We pause outside the doors, and I pull her away from the bustling crowd of cheerleaders, spectators, and parents for a moment of privacy. Jared managed to get the school’s gossip forum to take down all posts about me, but that doesn’t save me from wandering ears.
“I appreciate your offer to commit a crime, but I think I’m okay.”
Alli chuckles softly, her eyes reflecting seriousness afterwards. “No, you’re not, there’s something you’re not telling me.”
“Alli–”
“Serena, tell me right now. Committing a crime isn’t sounding that bad to me,” Alli interrupts, her tone leaving no room for argument.
I sigh, realizing that Alli’s determination is unwavering. With a hesitant glance around to ensure our privacy, I lower my voice to a hush. “Yes, Tyler and I had sex. ”
Alli’s eyes start beaming in pure joy for me.
“The other night at Beckham’s party, he told me he loves me… and he’s in love with me.”
Alli’s jaw drops immediately in disbelief before she grabs my shoulders, her grip tight with excitement. “So, you two are finally together? Fucking finally! The way you both act around each other was so suffocating. Always dancing around how you guys felt about each other.”
“It’s not that simple.”
Alli shakes her head. “He looks at you like how you look at sunsets.”
I exhale heavily. “It’s really complicated.”
“Tell me.”
The night replays at triple speed. “You know I saw my mom when we went to the gas station. I–”
Alli opens her mouth, then shuts it to let me go on.
“I think…” I pause, on the verge of tears.
“Oh, Serena,” Alli wraps me into her arms. “I know it hurts, I’m so sorry.”
I bury myself deep in her embrace. “It hurts, but I don’t know why. I have so many issues and I just–I don’t understand why after all these years she still has power over me. ”
Alli strokes my hair gently, “Sometimes the past hurts us more than we realize. It might be time to confront it and move on.”
I sniffle, nodding against her shoulder. “I just wish it didn’t still hurt so much.”
“I know, sweetie, I know.” Alli steps back and places both hands on my shoulders. “You are the best person I know, and you deserve everything great, that includes Tyler. I can tell you’re avoiding him, but you and him are magic together. I mean, he’s brought you out of the shell your mom and Emilie forced you into and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. I’m so happy for you. I want you to be happy.”
“Thank you, Alli,” I say casually, trying to mask the emotions that are still running at an all time high.
She returns the smile, a silent promise in her eyes. “Anytime, Serena.” She hugs me tightly again and rubs my back before she lets go.
My phone beeps with a text from Jared, telling me that he’s greeting friends in the gym and to meet him in the lower parking lot. “As much as I would love to talk more about My Life as Serena, I have to go.”
Alli grabs my hand before I can fully turn away. “Please don’t be scared to be with him. Choose happiness, chica. ”
I nod and smile with tightened lips. She’s right, I know she is. I just need time to think.
I head outside towards the lower lot by weaving through the crowded lobby. Once I make it outside, I can finally fucking breathe fresh air and not hairspray. I’m alone in my thoughts, walking downstairs from the upper parking lot. Why did Jared fucking park down here? There were plenty of empty spots in the upper lot for overflow parking .
My mind starts swirling with thoughts of Tyler. I can’t deny I like him more than I expected, the attraction between us, the undeniable chemistry, the way he always manages to release thousands and thousands of butterflies within me. The fact that he loves me .
I know I can’t avoid him forever, that at some point, I’ll need to face him and confront whatever lies between us. Lost in my thoughts, I continue down the stairs.
My heart skips a beat as I spot him leaning casually against his car, one leg crossed over the other. He looks so effortlessly cool, his gaze fixed somewhere in the distance, lost in thought. I’m frozen in place, unsure of what to do next.
“Hey. You did great out there,” Tyler says, peeling himself off his car and extending a bouquet of pink roses towards me. “I got these for you, pink roses, your favorite. ”
“My favorite,” I say at the same time. I admire the bouquet for a few seconds, feeling a wave of nostalgia hitting me. “You remembered the story.”
“Of course, I did.” He replies warmly.
I let the bouquet hang by my side. “Thank you.” I smile as I hold my chin from quivering.
“Can we talk?” Tyler shoves his hands in his pockets, his expression serious.
“Sure.”
This is it. Do or die .
Neither of us rushes to speak, the silence stretching between us like a taut wire. Finally, I gather my courage and take the leap.
“Did you mean it?” I blurt out, my words tumbling out in a rush. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s just-uhm, you know, when… when you said it, I was drunk and–”
Tyler meets my gaze steadily. “I meant every word.”
“Are you sure?”
“Hundred percent.”
I take a deep breath. “Tyler,” I begin, my voice barely above a whisper.
“You don’t believe me, do you? ”
“It’s not that,” I reply, and I look up, struggling to articulate my thoughts. “I’ve shared so much about my past and my family with you, but there’s still so much you don’t know. How can you say you love me when you don’t know everything ?”
“Fuck those gossip pages or your past. It doesn’t change my feelings. I want you, Serena Inthavong.”
I sigh. “It’s just all a lot… I don’t want to scare you away.” I pause, trying to calm down and make sense of everything, “How can you love me after the things I’ve told you?”
Tyler takes a step back, his expression a mix of confusion and concern. “You think I want to run?”
I nod. “It wouldn’t surprise me.”
“I’m not like most people. When I’m all in, I’m all in. And I want you.”
I take a couple of seconds to take a deep breath, feeling the weight of my own emotions creeping in, tightening my throat.
“Don’t you get it?” Tyler asks, his voice gentle. “I don’t give two fucks about what anyone says about you. I care about only you. Nothing will change my mind about you.”
I shake my head. “My life is… fucked up. I’m fucked up. How can you be so sure about me?”
He takes a step closer, his hand reaching out, wanting to comfort me. “We all have shit going on in our lives, Serena. It’s what makes us human. And it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I want you, the person standing in front of me right now.”
I feel a lump form in my throat. Despite the doubts swirling in my mind, a part of me wants to believe him, to believe in us.
“But what if I’m not enough?” I whisper, the fear of rejection hitting me mentally.
Tyler’s blue eyes hold mine. “Why are you so scared of us? You trusted me that day we–”
“The day we had sex, yes, I know.” The words hang heavy in the air, and I feel slightly guilty for the way I made it sound.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Jared’s tone is sharp, his eyes darting between Tyler and me, searching for answers.
Shit.
Jared’s jaw tightens, his eyes flashing with rage. “Again, what the fuck is going?”
“We were just talking, Jared. Nothing to worry about,” Tyler says calmly, his eyes never leaving mine.
“Get in the car, Serena,” Jared orders, his voice strained with anger as redirects his words to Tyler. “I can’t fucking believe you. You’re the reason she’s in this mess! People are calling her a boyfriend stealer. ”
Tyler braces himself as Jared shoves him, the force causing him to step back.
“I care about her, more than you realize.”
“You care? Then why the hell are there rumors about her all over campus?” Jared’s voice drops to a deathly whisper, “And you slept with her? I fucking trusted you with her.”
“You can still trust me! I care so damn much about her,” Tyler snaps back.
I step between them, trying to diffuse the escalating tension. “Guys, stop.”
But Jared’s focus remains on Tyler. “You care ? Then why is she in this mess? Because of you! Cassie is pissed at you, so she went after her. Now she’s stuck in this tangled shit because of you .”
“Jared, stop!” I reach out, grabbing his arm in an attempt to reel him back. “Drop it. Let’s just go.”
He wrenches his arm away. “Stay the fuck away from my sister.”
The air is thick with tension as Jared storms off towards the car without another word. Tyler stands there, his jaw clenched, his emotions simmering beneath the surface .
Our eyes lock again, unwavering. “It’s always been you, in every possible way. I love you.”
The car behind me honks and I hear Jared’s voice, “Get in the fucking car, Serena!”
“I need to go.”
“Sunshine, wait–”
“Serena, now!” Jared repeats.
“I’m sorry.” Is all I can get out before backing up towards the car.
I hop into Jared’s car, the engine roaring to life as we speed away from the tense scene. The chilly night air rushes in through the window, and I hug myself as shielding.
Jared’s mumbling curses under his breath, clearly pissed. “What the hell was that, Serena?”
“Drop it.” I retort, feeling a knot of frustration in my chest.
We pull into the driveway, the engine cutting off abruptly. I beeline for the front door, avoiding anyone in my way.
Alone in the quiet of my room, I collapse onto the bed, my mind still reeling. I toss and turn, trying to shake off the whirlwind of emotions from the night. But sleep eludes me as I ponder the weight of Tyler’s confession, again .
Is it just me, or does life have a knack for hurling curveballs when we least expect it? Here I am, trying to decode Tyler’s “I love you,” and it feels like I’m stuck in a movie I never wanted to be in.