CHAPTER VI #5
I glance at the Discerni woman next to me, to the Queen who was so warm and welcoming when I spent years in her service.
That Queen is not here, but I can’t help to still yearn for that woman, for the one who taught me everything there is to know about court.
I yearn for the Queen who consoled me when I arrived in my tattered state from Etter, for the one who laughed and gossiped at my side during nights in my youth.
All of that was before you joined Zander, my mind reminds me. Before you embarked on your travels for him, the ones that were unbeknownst and kept secret from his wife.
“And your intentions?” she asks, still avoiding my gaze as we walk under the Great Oak.
Isn’t it obvious?
And if it isn’t, I don’t know how to respond…
How do I tell her that I’ve never met nor been with a man that lights my soul the way Keane does?
How do I tell her that her own husband showed us on the night of his death that Keane and I would be together?
That we would have children and a family together.
How do I tell her that he was happy at the prospect though desperately sad that he wouldn’t be of this Old World to see it?
My heart falls in my chest.
What I would give to look into Zander’s kind blue eyes right now.
“Renate…” my voice is sad, desperate almost.
The Queen stops in her walk, turning to me with a look of Discerni indifference. I grimace just slightly, holding her eyes with mine.
“Elena saw us…”
Renate shakes her head. “My daughter’s visions do not always come to fruition, Alexis.”
My brows lift in surprise, never once considering the prospect that the mystics Elena practices are just that, mystic.
I don’t understand how they work, but I do know that everything she’s seen so far about me has come true.
Hirovale has also seen visions of Keane and I, has seen my future self as Queen, always alluding to it but never admitting until recently.
“Regardless,” I say confidently, “my feelings for your son are sure to lead me down the same path Elena foresees.”
“I’m sure you have the feelings now,” she gives another cold smile, “but one month is simply not enough time to plan for such a future.”
“If only that were true,” I sigh, looking out to the welcoming Oak and needing its friendliness. “If only you knew of the experiences we’ve had, or what we’ve shared during our time together.”
“And these experiences are unlike those you spent with my other son?” she asks, voice dripping in hinted sarcasm. “It seems you have an affinity for inserting yourself in the lives of my family.”
My gaze turns back on the Queen, my heart beating hard in my chest.
“I have done nothing but live my life, Renate,” I nearly scoff. “Troy came to me, he pursued me. Under false pretenses, I might add…”
I look at her sharply, willing her to hear my words.
“Your husband approached me. Elena,” I shake my head hard, “I did not even learn of her involvement in my life until recently. Involvement in which you all knew from the moment I was brought to Castle Bardot and yet kept hidden, from me.”
The Queen hides her scowl and takes a step forward, ignoring my words.
“Tell me of your relationship with the Ancient.”
“There is none,” I sigh and walk at her side. “I met him for the first time when you did, at Keane’s coronation.”
Renate turns her cold gaze on me again. “The other Ancient.”
Hirovale.
Oh, how I wish, just this once, he could be here with me.
“The Ancient Hirovale woke from his sleep when I found his Bird of Ash,” I sigh again. “On the travel King Zander sent me to Red Falls for.”
“And he has taken an interest in your life?” she asks, walking towards the large entry doors.
“Yes,” I nod, then add in thought, “and your son’s…”
Queen Renate looks over me with a hard glance, grimacing at my words.
“It is seldom ever a good thing when an Ancient takes interest in a being of our Old World, Alexis.”
I laugh, a deep laugh that has me envisioning Hirovale’s intruding golden eyes and how much I’ve abhorred his interest in me.
“I couldn’t agree more, Your Grace.”
Renate remains silent, her gaze turning curious at my side.
“Keane told me that he and Desmond shared with you the nature of our travels to Pyre,” I press, “of how they stemmed from the Kingdoms Council that Zander called two years ago. We only learned of it ourselves in Red Falls…”
“They have,” she nods quietly, looking into the afternoon sky beyond. She looks as if to be contemplating, scowling again before she turns to me.
“Do you believe it all? The prophecy and its future for the Old World?”
What an interesting thing to ask. That’s something I would ask.
“Do you have any reason to doubt it?” I counter, genuinely interested in her answer.
Renate remains calm, walking us out the doors and under the afternoon sun as the lands of Bardot shine green around us.
“I had my doubts when my sons told me, mostly paired with disbelief that an Ancient might actually be awake. But those doubts faded the moment Heysan greeted us so openly at the coronation.”
“And your daughter now moves as we speak to wake Sianoa,” I remind her. “They are all coming back to the Old World, Renate. Even the Ancient Rivian.”
“And the prophecy?” she asks, eyes narrowing on the road.
I frown. “I know what I read in Red Falls. That text is forever engraved in my mind for the rest of my years to come. I also know what Hirovale has told me of his plans. Change is coming to the Old World, whether we agree with it or not.”
“Change that will come with you and my son at its spearhead,” she frowns.
“Not by our own design,” I reply, “but yes, it does seem that is where it is all heading.”
“You can see, then, why I am hesitant for the two of you to spend time together…”
I look at the Queen silently in my walk, genuinely confused.
Does she not know of her son’s own desire? Of the deep fire that rests within him to bring change to Woodlands and Disce? The same change that nearly mimics Hirovale’s desire for the Old World. She has to see it. Has to know by the way Keane runs his Court of Warriors.
“I have to admit I do not,” I reply in honesty. “The Ancient Hirovale and Keane align in many of their sentiments.”
Renate looks at me quickly. “But you do not?”
Was my statement that obvious?
I give her a small smile and walk down the steps. “To be honest, I am hesitant towards the Ancient and his prophecy.”
“Why?” she asks with a laugh. “I’d think you’d love the prospect of using magic and prolonging your life…”
My scowl is so deep and conflicted that I have to turn away from her. She knows nothing of my own battle with this very subject.
“Without it,” Renate continues quietly, “you will not live to see the children you believe are foretold meet their adulthood. They will watch you grow old. My son will watch you grow old, while he himself remains just as you see him now.”
The anguish building within me at her words is too much to bear, so much so that I push those feelings into my abdomen, calling to Keane. I need him to fill me with his easy desire, need to feel his want of me against my skin to counter her words.
Keane, I push hard again as we walk, you assured me that this was okay. That if this was the choice I made, you would stand with me.
Keane’s summoning comes flooding into me as if on command, waiting for the moment he knew I would need him. I let his desire pool into my stomach, let the magic heat my thighs and give me the strength to walk.
“The prospect of growing old without your son does not bring me joy,” I finally turn to the Queen, my voice low and conflicted. “Though it is one that I still consider. Keane has told me that he is prepared to accept it, if that is the choice I make.”
Renate looks back at me in silent shock, unable to mask her surprise. Keane’s summoning pushes hard into my abdomen once again, his desire filling me with the needed assurance that I so desperately crave.
“Yet you still consider it to be a choice?” she watches me quietly, heading towards her rose gardens. “With all that you know of the Ancient and the plans that he has for you?”
“I do,” I nod, drawn in my thoughts again to Hiro… sighing that I have to say this with Keane listening in. “Though I believe that both he and your son are hopeful that I will choose the road that leads to the mystics.”
Because deep in my heart, I knew.
I knew that even though Keane would live out the rest of his long life without me, he wished that I would grant him more years of my own to spend with him.
Just as Hirovale wished that I would accept this new summoning and use it to prepare for everything that is to come.
Both men desired to see me use magic, two constant pulls to the mystics that I can only try so hard to reject.
“It is hard for me to understand why you would not choose that road,” Renate nods.
“Because using the magic of the Old World changes everything it means to be mortal,” I sigh, still feeling Keane’s summoning holding me with him.
“But you must know, Alexis, or even suspect,” the Queen turns to me, blue eyes finally soft as she stops before her gardens, “that you yourself are no longer mortal. I can feel it around you. Have felt it since you returned to Bardot. I can feel the spark of magic that wants to get out and be used.”
“Whatever you feel is only the Ancient’s doing,” I shake my head, “not mine.”
“Perhaps,” she gives a cold smile, turning down a row of roses, “but it still resides within you, waiting.”
“More of necessity, I suspect,” I reply, noticing a small haze of thick air beginning to rest at our feet. “The Ancient has a long road ahead of him. He will utilize all that he can with me.”
Do not come, I scowl at the newly formed white mist, I’m handling this just fine.
The Queen Mother looks at me, completely unaware of the thick air following us in our walk.
“And has he told you of that road? Exactly where it will lead?”
I nod quietly, unsure if Keane has told his mother yet that we’ll need to travel to Livyatan.