Chapter 12
Gabrielle's POV
Christmas Day.
Someone is shaking me awake, and when I open my eyes, it’s Lincoln.
“Merry Christmas,” he says, smiling at me softly.
I sit up and smile back sleepily, rubbing my eyes. “Merry Christmas.”
“You took a shower last night, right?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“All right, well wash up so we can get going.”
I’m confused. “Wait, what are we doing?”
As I get dressed he still won’t answer me, and the curiosity is killing me.
We end up in his car, apparently going on some kind of road trip.
He drives for about 45 minutes, music filling the speakers, the thin silver chain that usually hangs from the rearview mirror, catching stray glints of winter sun, swinging gently with each turn, clinking softly against the glass like it’s keeping time with the song.
My mind is busy racing, trying to figure out where he’s taking me.
Then the streets start to feel familiar, and my heart jumps.
He’s taking me to see my father.
I was planning to see Daddy after Christmas. I’ve been sending him money, but seeing him in person… that’s different. That’s everything.
There he is, walking down the driveway getting his mail, looking confused as the car pulls up.
Before the car fully stops, I’m already trying to open the door, only for Lincoln to hit the brakes harder.
I push the door open anyway and run behind the car, legs flying, arms outstretched.
“Daddy!” I yell.
His face lights up so bright it knocks the air out of me.
“Ohhh!! Haha!” he yells out, walking faster even though he can barely run.
I almost slam into his arms. He feels frailer than he used to, and both of us just sway side to side, hugging and crying. It feels like forever since I’ve seen him.
Seeing him on Christmas… it fills a part of me I forgot was empty.
Lincoln stands by the driver’s side watching us. As Daddy and I make our way toward the house, Lincoln goes to the trunk and pulls out a gift box.
“Merry Christmas, papa Bruce,” he says with a shy smile.
“Papa who? Who’s your papa? You ain’t my son-in-law anymore,” Daddy says, narrowing his eyes as he walks right past Lincoln, ignoring the gift.
It actually stings me a little.
“I think the gift is for you, Daddy,” I say, smiling at his back as he heads to the house.
“What would have been a good Christmas gift is to still have a son-in-law who was faithful to my daughter, who he promised he was going to take care of, and not go messing around and breaking her heart. That would have been a good Christmas present,” Papa sternly berates.
Lincoln’s eyes are filled with pain, but Daddy doesn’t let up.
“If my wife was still around, you know how grateful I would be, and you have a good wife and you up and do that bullshit? And you have the nerve to come over here try to give me Christmas presents? You think this is? You think I want a Christmas present from you, boy?” Daddy says while climbing the steps with his back completely to Link.
I watch Lincoln’s face fall as his arms droop, both his hands still holding on to the wrapped gift he brought. On one hand, I know Lincoln deserves that. On the other hand… I feel bad for him.
“I told you he still doesn’t like you,” I say sheepishly, my shoulders raised.
“I understand. I’ll just wait outside,” he says, eyes fluttering sadly.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Come inside,” I tell him.
“No, I’m not welcome. I’ll come pick you back up later. I don’t want to ruin Christmas for your family,” Lincoln says.
I try to protest because I really do feel bad. A part of me wants him to come in, and I don’t even know why.
“Link, seriously—”
“It’s okay,” he says, putting on that assured smile, the one that means he’s hurting and doesn’t want me to worry. The same smile my mother used to give even when she was coughing her lungs out and working herself sick.
“Where you gonna go?” I ask. He’s dating Sarah, so he’s probably going to go there. Why not.
“I don’t know. Probably go look for some gifts for my mom.”
“Everywhere is closed,” I remind him.
“Don’t worry about me. Seriously, go have fun,” he says, smiling again, then getting into his car. Even as I start to protest, he reverses down the driveway.
Then he slowly drives off.
Inside, I catch up with Daddy, helping him around the house and just enjoying him.
He was already watching some old show, and we settle together while he tells me everything that happened in the last six seasons.
Later, we cook dinner for his old buddies who are coming over.
We walk out back, Daddy taking his little Bichon Frise for a short walk while I accompany them.
“Why you still messing around with that man?” Daddy asks.
“I live with him.”
He whips his head toward me so fast I almost choke laughing.
“I know you a lie.”
“Daddy,” I chuckle.
“Don’t Daddy me. Why would you get back with him?”
“We’re not back together. I just live with him. It’s free housing. He wanted to make it up to me.”
“I’m sure he does. He still with that blonde demon?” Daddy asks.
I crack up.
“That jonesing Jezebel,” he mutters.
“Daddy. They work together. And I am not with him anymore, nor do I want to get with him anymore, and if you’re wondering… he did ask.”
Daddy bends to pick up the dog’s mess, but I take the bag from him and pick up the tiny lump before wrapping it.
“Men like that, baby, they only want one thing. If he could leave you once for a woman barely a quarter of what you are, and it don’t take much—”
“I know, Daddy. I know all that. I’m not going to lie, my heart still remembers, you know…”
Daddy goes quiet for a minute.
“That’s why I’m worried, because I know you still love that boy.
I ain’t faulting you for that. You love who you love.
But baby girl… you got to love yourself too.
If a man not going to love you and treasure you the way I brought you up to treasure yourself, then you need to leave him alone.
He had one chance and he blew it. And if you take him back, you’re basically giving him the permission to do it again. ”
“So you don’t think there’s circumstances in which sometimes things happen?”
“When you make a marriage commitment to forsake all others, that’s exactly what it means.
If you have no self-control or the willpower to do it, then you don’t need to be getting married.
He looked me in my eye and told me that he would never hurt you and that he would protect you, and I trusted him.
And now I can’t even die in peace because he sent you back out in the road broken and with nobody to take my place to protect you when I’m gone. And I’m already old and decrepit.”
I stay quiet for a long stretch as Daddy keeps talking, his words sinking in while we continue walking.
“Do you think maybe… I’m just meant to be alone?” I ask him, the question spilling out of me before I can stop it. I feel exposed… small.
Daddy inhales and then lets out a slow, heavy exhale. “Baby, nobody’s meant to be alone. There’s somebody for everybody, but the love and respect has got to be the same on both ends.”
“The thing is… it was. Before he started working at that job. And then I think like… did I do enough as a wife?”
“You can always find faults with yourself, because we are our own worst critic. I remember when I blamed myself for so many years, even now, about what happened with your mom. Could have done more, should have done more. I let too much slide by, and if I had done my part more she probably still be here.”
“Daddy, you can’t put that on yourself. Mama is very headstrong.”
“But that’s what I’m trying to say, baby. You can only do so much naming and blaming on yourself, but it comes down to the other person taking some of that responsibility. You did your job as a wife? Huh? You did the best you could?”
“I think so.”
“Then the rest is up to him. He chose to let his guard down. That’s what being in a relationship is about.
People think you live happily ever after and that’s it, no work involved.
It’s constant work and constant investment.
You get up and you eat every day, don’t you?
Shower every day? Make sure you’re taken care of?
“Like having a baby. You start neglecting that baby and it grows up malnourished, and eventually you might not have that baby anymore. And marriage is something that can grow into something beautiful, but both people… they need to put constant work.”
Daddy shakes his head, looking forward as he shuffles along. His little dog yanks at the leash suddenly, barking at something it sees in the distance.
“And Lincoln…” Daddy continues quietly, “…he stopped investing. He was invested in something else, and that girl at his job, everything else but what he should have been doing. You stop investing in something, eventually something’s going to suffer, and he chose it to be your marriage.
That says a lot about him. He chose other things over you.
No matter how hard your mama worked, she always continued investing in us.
Not once did she ever feel like she was not present, and I know that was not easy, but that was a choice she made. ”
I nod.
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