Chapter 27
Gabrielle's POV
I don't even understand how I ended up on Sarah's couch in her apartment, and the fog of the alcohol is still grabbing my brain, refusing to let go.
Lincoln is sitting to my right on the big fluffy couch.
"You guys look so cute together. Oh my God," Sarah says, smiling. "Oh, hold up. Wait, wait," she says excitedly, too frenetic for my liking.
I do not like this girl, but right now I'm too tired to care. I tolerate her. It is New Year's, after all.
Maybe I'll regret it later, but right now, honestly, I'm choosing to be at peace, even though none of what's happening makes sense, and I'm wondering if it's all a dream. Sarah gets her phone and begins snapping pictures of Lincoln and me together.
I remember this apartment all too well. This is the one I walked into that day. Oh yeah, that's right. This was Ground Zero.
It looks a little different because I'm sitting in another part of it now, in the living room, on a couch. I had walked right past all of this to go to the bedroom where Lincoln and Sarah were.
All of a sudden, all the pain of that hurt comes flying back, as if trying to remind me that there's a reason why I shouldn't trust Lincoln and why I shouldn't trust Sarah.
It's funny how alcohol can just remove all of that, make you realize that the people that you hated aren't so bad after all, and you're all just human, trying to survive.
I choose not to think about the hurt right now.
I choose to think about early on in our life together. When we started dating and how awkward it was for us when we started having sex regularly. How Lincoln couldn't be satiated enough.
How we were always stealing away to be with each other.
How Lincoln, as a birthday gift, took me to go get a contraceptive.
I remember how much I was laughing, telling him that this was more so his gift than mine.
And it was, to the moon and back since then.
When exactly did it start to go wrong?
When did he start to feel the pressure of bearing everybody's financial burden?
I almost lost him before, when we went hiking.
When he had that sepsis fever, and suddenly all the other things that I thought annoyed me about him, or that really broke my heart, seem so trivial now, knowing that he could have died. Maybe it's just the way I feel in this moment.
Who is that?
Oh, that's Sarah.
Why is she smiling at us like… ?
I'm having a hard time… wondering if I'm dreaming or not. I must be dreaming, because there's no way that Sarah would be standing here in my house.
I have a new house now, wait. When did I get a new house? I can't afford a house, not yet.
Wait, that's right. I'm in Sarah's apartment. But that doesn't make sense either, because why would I be here?
"Come on, you guys love each other. Give each other some sugar," Sarah says, smiling.
"What are you shooting a porno?" Lincoln slurs, giggling, clearly out of it.
"I'm sure since you guys have gotten back together, you haven't taken enough pictures, and you're only going to get these once, this year isn't coming back around."
That's all the prodding that is needed for Lincoln to stretch his left arm and bring me in close.
A sudden heaviness settles over me, this thick, gnawing ache of being in the mood, I've been simmering with it all night, waiting for the moment I could finally get Lincoln alone, peel away the layers and lose myself in him without interruption.
But now we're here with someone else, tangled in this bizarre setup.
All that matters in this moment, all my mind can think about, is that I'm here with Lincoln, safe in his arms.
At least I think I'm safe. I forgot how good it feels… to be next to him… to be held and safe. To be his.
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