Chapter 44
Lincoln's POV
“Are you sexually active?” Gabby asks me, and my eyes fly open.
Ohhhhhh. Those personal questions.
Shit.
This is fucking awkward.
When I go quiet, I can feel Gabby burning a hole in the right side of my face. We’re both grown-ups. It’s not like she doesn’t know that I’m intimate with Sarah.
“Yes,” I say, not looking at Gabby, staring straight ahead.
My heart is beating out of my chest. Probably palpitations. A few people check in at the front desk. Gabby leans in closer, trying to protect my privacy, something that distracts me from my fear for just a second.
Having her here with me feels so—
“How often?”
She asks it, and I look to my right, waiting for her to expound.
Shrugging and shaking my head slightly, I ask, “How often what?” waiting for her to finish her sentence.
She blinks at me like I’m stupid. “How often… are you sexually active,” the words spilling out of her emphatic lips, forming each one carefully as if daring me to lie.
Why is she just staring at me like that?
“Um…” I say, wondering if I should tell her every single day.
“This is for the doctor Lincoln, not for me. You can feel free to fill it out yourself if you feel uncomfortable.”
“Yeah maybe I should,” I say, taking the tablet from her.
Gabby looks annoyed. I legitimately try to fill the tablet out, trying to focus on the letters, but everything is blurred. When I’m nervous like this, I can’t see. Everything is in doubles.
“Having a hard time?” Gabby asks, seemingly with some fascination.
I want to answer, but the nausea comes back and I close my eyes, slowly opening them.
The needle.
It’s not the needle, is it? It’s just being here. Why do I feel like this… like I want to get up, crash through the window, and escape?
My leg is bouncing, and when I feel a hand on my right thigh, the one that’s not bouncing, I look over.
“Do you want me to fill it out for you?” Gabby asks, a little more gentle.
“I told you I’ll do it.”
“Okay but… you’ve been sitting here for about 7 minutes not doing anything.”
“It hasn’t been 7 minutes Gabby. Jesus just give me a second.”
“It’s literally been 7 minutes.”
That’s weird because, for me, it feels like 10 seconds. What the hell?
Am I losing time?
I feel the tablet sliding out of my hand. I try to resist, holding it.
“I know that you’re intimate with Sarah or whoever else.”
“Just Sarah.”
“Okay so that’s one partner then?” she asks, trying to be normal.
My tongue nervously traces across my bottom lip. I nod slowly, eyes closed before opening them again and fixing on the front desk about four yards away.
“Is that in the last 12 months?” she asks without looking away from the tablet.
“Uh huh.”
“Do you engage in high risk behavior?” she asks as she clicks the small area for the last question.
“I mean… I don’t know what that means. That can mean anything.
Jumping in front of trains. Drinking several cups of coffee in one sitting.
Trying to lift the robot over my head. Pulling all-nighters several times in a row just to get a project done.
Coming home dead tired on a shuttle at night and sleeping when there are potentially dangerous people around me. You see what I mean?”
“So is that a yes?”
“Is there an option for neutral?” I ask.
“Nope.”
“Then what the hell kind of question is that? It’s pretty vague.”
“I don’t know Lincoln. Before I used to check no. High risk to me means that you could die from it.”
“Then I guess no. But they should specify that,” I say before drumming my fingers on the arms of the chair.
Gabby inhales and exhales tiredly. “Do you use protection?”
The way she says it makes me nervous. My dick is starting to wake up for some stupid reason. Maybe because Gabby is the one asking it. And she’s asking because of Sarah.
“What… like…”
Gabby looks at me after I stutter. “Do you or do you not use protection,” she asks with that weird casual small smile, like she already knows the answer.
“Sometimes.”
Gabby just stares at me. “I mean… protection for what, pregnancy or STIs?”
Gabby shrugs, pouting her lips as she closes her eyes like she has no fucking idea and is enjoying making me uncomfortable.
I look at her, still nervous, heart beating out of my chest. This isn’t helping.
“It’s either you do or you don’t. Do you use condoms.”
“No not any—no.”
“Okay then. It’s not that hard link,” she says, pressing her finger to the tablet to fill out the answer.
Scratching her forehead before holding the tablet again, she asks, “Have you experienced erectile dysfunction?”
“No.”
“You were really quick with that one weren’t you?” she quips. “Any symptoms of STIs?” she asks.
“No.”
“Any unusual discharge?”
“No.”
“Any pain during intercourse?” she asks, and I smile.
“For me or the woman?”
Gabby looks up at me, and I give her a smirk. My skin is still prickling, my body still trembling a little… and it worsens when I notice the look she’s giving me. That absolute don’t fuck with me today stare sobers me instantly, causing me to slowly turn my direction back to the front desk.
“No,” I answer almost bitterly.
Would it kill her to crack a joke once in a while?
Most of the questions are pretty moderate, no recreational drugs, only drinking alcohol socially, no fainting episodes. For the fatigue question, I answer no, because all of my fatigue can easily be explained by working overtime.
I didn’t realize how much more stressed I’ve become until after Gabby finishes the form.
I actually feel a little calmer now, thank goodness. I really want to hold her hand the way she did earlier in the car when she was trying to calm me down. She’s the only one who can center me like that.
Jesus, the anxiety of waiting is what’s killing me. Not knowing when they’re going to call my name, seeing people who clearly came after me getting called before me…
This is torture.
Until my name is finally called.
Gabby stands with me, and I wobble a little. She holds me, linking her arm through mine.
“Come on.”
The nurse smiles at both of us, visibly curious. “He gets faint around needles. Basically the doctor in general.”
“Ohhhh. Oh, you poor thing. Well, I promise you it will be very quick, as quick as I can make it,” the nurse says, trying to reassure her.
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to matter much,” I say, starting to feel my heartbeat in my ears.
I lose a piece of time, because suddenly I’m sitting in one of the bigger waiting room chairs, my arms out to the side, elbows resting on the armrests.
I can’t breathe properly. My mouth is open, but it’s like I can’t pull in enough air.
“Lincoln, look at me. Do you want to do the countdown?” Gabby says, pulling me out of my fear.
“No—just…I… hold on, I need to get out for a second.”
“It’s okay, we’re just going to—” the nurse starts to say, but panic slams into me like a truck.
“NO STOP GET—I NEED TO GET UP! PLEASE JUST WAIT! WAIT!”
I stand up abruptly, making the nurse jump to her feet as well.
“Just give him a minute,” I hear Gabby say.
The nurse asks her if I always get like this.
“I promise he’s not violent. He’s just scared,” Gabby says, her voice the only thing keeping me from going off the deep end.
I find myself in the hall, walking toward the waiting room, ready to leave, when I feel someone gently pull my arm back.
“You made me come with you today to do this, so you’re not going to bail,” Gabby orders.
“I don’t even know how I got out here.”
“You walked,” Gabby says, the people in the waiting room staring at both of us. “Come on.”
She pulls me back in. My heart is beating out of my chest. It takes me a whole ten minutes to settle into the chair again. It’s like my body is fighting me.
“Oh God, I’m sorry,” I tell the nurse, a tear escaping my eye. “You must think I’m such a bitch,” I say with a fear-filled chuckle, my lungs on fire with how hard I’m breathing.
The nurse smiles at me kindly. “Oh sweetheart, you’d be surprised how many grown men faint or panic during blood draws. It’s more common than you think, I promise.”
She starts to take out the needle packet.
Gabby holds my hand tighter. “Link, it’s okay, everyth—”
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