Samantha
SAMANTHA
M y nerves are on edge as I drive home, eating a burger I picked up at a drive-thru. I feel a little better after eating, but thoughts of what Chandler saw in the office play in my mind. After he ran out of the office and I'd calmed myself enough, I ran to the parking lot to see if I could catch him before he took off. I was planning on begging him not to tell anyone and even considered telling him I’d quit if he promised to keep it a secret. I was willing to truly do anything at that moment, and then I somehow managed to embarrass myself further when I thought he was asking me to sleep with him to keep it a secret. God, I’m blushing just remembering it. How fucking embarrassing. He was upset, and I understood why, but what else was I supposed to think? It's the typical scenario of a man catching his female co-worker in the act, and then, in exchange for his silence, she lets him have his way with her. He called me out, asking me if it was one of my fantasies to sleep with him, and that sucked because the answer at that moment was yes. Whether that’s because I really am so deprived of dick that I’d be willing to sleep with anyone at this point is up for debate. I know he was at least thinking it because right before I got out of his car, the tension was so thick that I felt like I was practically swimming in it. I thought, for a moment, that he might kiss me, and when he didn’t, I oddly felt disappointed.
My nerves have only died down a fraction by the time I pull into my driveway. I mull over what happened today and how I could have lost my job. I still could. In reality, it could’ve gone a lot worse than it had. I should talk to someone about what happened, maybe get a new perspective. I walk into the house and set my purse on the counter before I take my phone out of my handbag and call the only person I know I can talk to.
“Hey, girl. You on lunch?” Penny sounds like her usual peppy self.
“Hey, no, I’m off now. I left work early. I just need someone to talk to.”
“Okay, sure. What’s up?”
“Well, when you sent me that email, I sort of opened it up on my work computer," I admit, and embarrassment takes over.
“Ooh," she coos. “I didn’t think you were that type of girl, Sam. So, you watched it? You know you want Chandler to manhandle you.”
I swear I can hear her smirking through the phone. Of course, she wouldn’t see the issue with this.
“Jesus, Penny," I say. “Yes, I opened it. I didn’t think you had sent me porn.”
“I always send you porn," she says, completely serious.
“I thought it was a listing or something," I say, frustrated.
“Well, it wasn’t I took a break today since I have that showing next weekend. Are you mad at me or something?”
“Well, no, but," I start and then take a breath. “Chandler walked in and caught me. ”
“Wait, What?” She asks in disbelief. And then I hear her laughing and imagine her doubling over with laughter.
“I’m glad you find this funny," I bite out. “Penny, I could lose my job!”
Her laughter dies down a little, and after a few more moments of listening to her laugh, she says, "I mean, I’m sorry that you got caught, but I didn’t think you’d use your work computer to open it. He saw you? What did he say?”
“He just stood there and then grabbed his water bottle and left.”
“You’re a perv, sweetheart, just like me. Welcome to the club," she says, and I groan and walk into my bedroom. “So, what happened after that? You’re not fired, are you?”
“He told me to leave work early, so I did. I don’t think I’m losing my job, but I guess I will find out on Monday.”
“Well, if you do, just don’t mention it to your next job.” I don’t say anything because the thought of having to look for another job is daunting. I need to make this work out until I can figure out how to start an interior design business. “Also, I’ll stop sending you porn if you try to go on a date.” I roll my eyes. I would love to go on a date, but right now is not a good time.
“I think I’m good," I say.
“When was the last time you went out?”
I think back to my last relationship with Jasper. I’d met him at a concert I’d gone to with Penny, and I haven’t had sex since we ended things. I threw myself into my job and haven't really let myself have the time or desire to meet someone new, let alone get into a relationship.
“Since Jasper," I say.
“Exactly! He was fun, right? But maybe you should try online dating!”
The thought of online dating makes me sick. It’s usually full of people looking for a hookup, and I’d be okay with that if it wasn’t for the cat-fishing that goes on. One minute, you think you’re talking to a hot guy from Miami, and when you show up at the restaurant, he’s aged ten years and has a foot fetish.
“Sounds like a nightmare.”
“Well, just think about it," she says. "Since you’re off, you want to go out?” I consider it for a minute. I haven’t seen Penny in a while, but after today, I just want to stay in my house and avoid going out in public for tonight. And we're supposed to meet tomorrow morning at the home she's showing next weekend so she can see what I've put together.
“I’m not feeling up to it tonight, but I'll see you tomorrow morning, right?”
“Bright and early! We need to be there at 7 AM so I can have time to get some other things done."
7 AM on a Saturday? Penny is lucky that I love her.
"I'll be there," I say.
"Try not to overuse your vibrator," she says and hangs up.
I let out a sigh and plop down on my bed on my back, staring at the ceiling. It’s been such an eventful day, and I wonder how it will go when I return on Monday. Will it be awkward? Probably. Will he pretend like it never happened? Or worse, will he tell everyone what happened and get me canned? I don’t know what to think, and there isn’t anything I can do about it, at least not right now. I close my eyes and take a breath. Things might be okay. I just hope I don’t get blindsided by Chandler. I won’t know until then.
I roll my head to the side and look at the nightstand next to the bed. It’s an antique that my mother gave to me before she moved to Mexico to drown her body weight in margaritas. If things go south at my job, I guess I could go live in Mexico with my mom. I like the beach, and no one would know me. I groan, frustrated. Maybe Penny is right. Maybe I should try online dating. At the very least, I could potentially get laid. I think back to the video that was playing on the work computer again and feel myself get turned on. I bite my bottom lip and grab my laptop that’s sitting on my nightstand, open it up, and go to the email Penny sent me, opening up the link and pressing play. The video is pretty hot. Very hot. But the fact that I let myself think, even for a split second, about how it would feel to have Chandler bend me over my desk makes my cheeks burn. I imagine how his muscles would feel under my touch, what he might say to me with that smart mouth of his. I need to stop thinking about this. Penny and I are supposed to meet up tomorrow morning, and I need to be ready. I close my laptop, leave it on my bed, and walk to the dining room, where I’ve left all of the final photos for the staging I did for her showing next weekend. I just hope she likes it as much as I do.