Chapter 9
nine
. . .
Beau
It’s been three days since we had sex in the trailer, and Sadie and I still can't manage to be in the same room without it going weird.
It's not that anything's actually wrong.
We're both still doing our jobs, still talking about invoices and deliveries and the Miller cabinets that are supposed to deliver next week.
But there's a careful kind of distance sitting between us now, the kind where I catch her watching me and she looks away too fast, or I catch myself standing too close to her desk with no actual reason to be there and have to make something up on the spot.
I hate it. I liked things better when I could look at her without either one of us pretending we weren't looking.
She's in the office on Thursday afternoon, hunched over the laptop, and I lean against the door frame because apparently that's just what I do now, hover in doorways like I've got a lot to say and can't quite make myself say it.
"Beau." She doesn't look up. "You've been standing there for a full minute."
"Have I?" I question, crossing my arms over my chest.
"You have." She finally glances up, and there's a guarded look on her face that wasn't there before the storm. It’s like she’s been sitting on some feelings that needs to get said out loud before she loses her nerve. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Does what happened in that trailer mean you're firing me?
" She says it fast, like she's been building up to it and needs to get it out before she loses her nerve.
"Because I crossed a line, sleeping with my boss, and I know that's not exactly professional, and if you need to let me go because of it, I understand.
I just need to know either way, because Vince needs stability, and I can't… "
"Sadie." I cut her off before she can spiral any further, because the idea of firing her over this is so far from anything I've been thinking about the last three days that it actually stings a little, hearing her think it's even on the table. "I'm not firing you."
"Okay." She lets out a breath, her shoulders relaxing. "Okay, good, because I really do need this job, and I don't want what happened to change…"
"That's not…hang on." I press a hand flat against my chest, right over my heart, because I don't know how else to make her understand what I'm about to say.
"You think I'd fire you over this? Sadie, you've made my life better since the day you walked into that gravel lot.
You cleaned up two years of my mess in two weeks.
You made this business organized so that I'm not embarrassed to hand off to somebody if they ask what's going on with the books.
I think about you every single day, and not just at work.
I think about you when I'm eating dinner alone in that house, and I think about your kid, who I've met exactly twice, and both times I thought, damn, that's a good kid, and I hope I get to know him better. "
She's staring at me now, mouth slightly open, like she wasn't expecting any of that. "Beau…"
"Let me finish." I take a step further into the office, close enough now that I can see her pulse jump in her throat.
"What happened during the storm didn't happen because I was confused, or because I got caught up in a moment.
It happened because I've wanted you since that first morning, watching you tell Will off in front of his whole crew, and I've been trying real hard to talk myself out of it because I didn't want to make things weird, or make you feel like you had to be with me to keep your job.
That's the last thing I want. So no, I'm not firing you.
I just want to know if there's any part of you that wants this to be more than what happened in that trailer. "
The office is quiet for a second, nothing but the hum of the busted air conditioning and the sound of both of us breathing a little too fast.
"Are you asking if I want to be fired?" she says finally, and there's a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth now, the guarded look finally cracking.
"I'm asking if you want to keep working here, and also be with me, if that's something you'd even consider.
I know that's a lot to put on you at once.
I know you've got Vince to think about, and I know this is your job, your paycheck, and I don't want to mess with either one of those things by pushing for a commitment you're not ready for. "
"Not if I can have both." She says it quietly, but sure, with no hesitation in it at all. "The job. And you. I don't want to choose between them, Beau, because I don't think I should have to."
"You shouldn't." I close the last of the distance between us, and this time there's no storm forcing us together, no excuse, just the two of us standing in a messy little office that smells like cedar and old coffee, choosing this on purpose.
"You don't have to choose anything. I'm not going anywhere, and neither is this job, not unless you decide you want something different. "
I pull her against me, and she comes easy, wrapping her arms around my neck the same way she did in that trailer, except this time there's no rain hammering overhead to rush us, no reason to hold back.
I kiss her slow, and deliberate, everything the last three days of careful distance should've been instead of whatever awkward dance we've been doing around each other.
When we finally break apart, she's got her forehead resting against my chest, and I can feel her breathing slow down against me.
"This is everything I've wanted," she says quietly.
"The job. You. The chance to build a life that isn't just me and Vince scraping by on our own anymore.
I didn't even know how much I wanted it until it was sitting right in front of me. "
"Same." I press a kiss to the top of her head, same as I did in that trailer, and it feels just as right now as it did then.
"I've been building this business for years, thinking that was going to be enough.
Turns out I just needed somebody to build it with.
You, and that kid of yours, who I already like more than I probably should for having only met him twice. "
She laughs against my chest, and it's warm and real, nothing careful about it now. "He's going to love you. He already asked me twice this week when he gets to come see you again."
"Bring him by Saturday. I'll show him the whole thing, sawdust and all." I tilt her chin up so I can look at her properly, no distance between us anymore, no guessing about where we stand. "I meant what I said. All of it. This job, you, whatever we're building here — I want it. I want all of it."
"I want it too." She kisses me again, soft and easy, this time. It’s the kind of kiss that says we've got all the time in the world now, and we can figure the rest of it out later. "So. What happens now?"
"Now?" I grin at her, and for the first time in three days, the office doesn't feel weird at all, just feels like exactly where I'm supposed to be. "Now I think we get back to work, and then tonight, I take you and Vince to dinner, and we figure the rest of it out from there."
"I like the sound of that."
"Yeah." I press one more kiss to her forehead before I finally let her go, heading back toward the table saw with a grin I can't seem to shake. "Me too."