Chapter 32 #2
“You shouldn’t love me.” The tears begin running down my cheeks, hot and wet. “I’ll only hurt you.”
“And I’ll probably hurt you too. I had to save your birthday as my password so I wouldn’t forget it, but who am I kidding, I’ll probably still forget it. I sometimes forget my own birthday.”
“I don’t care about my stupid birthday.”
“I do. But that doesn’t mean I’ll remember it. I’m sorry.”
I shake my head in disbelief and run a hand gently over his. “Why didn’t you punch him back?”
“You were busy doing it. I wasn’t about to risk hurting you.” He shrugs, then flinches. “Besides, I didn’t want to hurt him. I figured it might make it hard for you to work with him if we got into a full-on brawl in a bowling alley.”
Tears continue streaming down my face. “Oh, Cormac.”
My heart hurts, but I finally ask what, until this moment, I couldn’t bear to know. “Why’d you keep that awful letter the principal made me write to you?”
He turns his head toward me, his bloodshot eye seeking me out. “You saw that?”
I nod, wiping my cheeks. He reaches for me, so I get on my knees next to his hospital bed.
“I figured it was the closest to a love letter I was ever going to get from you.”
I wipe my eyes again and again, but the tears don’t stop coming. “I didn’t know. I thought you were disgusted by me after that seven minutes in heaven thing. You…I was…awful to you.”
“I explained why, didn’t I?”
I nod, temporarily wordless.
“You’re never awful. You’re strong-willed. You fiercely defend the causes you believe in.”
“And you love difficult women.” I try to smile, but it’s hard, looking at his bandaged eye.
“I love complicated women. Who wants to be bored?”
“I bet Pansy would be pretty interesting.”
“That’s not the kind of interesting I want in my life.”
He’s quiet for a moment before he admits, “Back in high school, I built that robot for you as an apology for my seven minutes screwup. It was a BrewBot, to help with your ginger beer. It monitored temperature, sugar level, and CO2 pressure buildup.”
For a moment, I can’t speak. I’m so overcome with emotion that all I can do is feel.
He did that for me?
Back then?
I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he did something so monumental for me.
And I ruined it. Carelessly. And then wrote a sarcastic note apologizing for it because I was hurt by the way he’d exploded at me for something that had been an accident.
I don’t know how I can possibly make up for that.
I love Cormac. I love him as much as my shriveled heart can love anyone, but it feels like it’s not enough. I’ve made such a mess of everything, for so long…
Those awful hot tears keep coursing down my cheeks.
“I shouldn’t have told you that,” he mutters. “It was a bad time to tell you.”
“I love you too. I love you.” I lean over and gently kiss him on the lips. “You’re a madman.”
“You love me?” he whispers, as if he can’t imagine how anyone can love him.
“Of course I do. You’ve made it pretty impossible not to.” I kiss him again, needing to feel his lips, his skin. Needing to show myself he’s not so badly broken.
Then I back away, still on my knees. “I’m going to go call Kenji.”
He wipes the tears from my cheeks. “Yes, save my face. I’ll still be here. I’ll always be here.”
I think I believe him, but I know I shouldn’t let him keep blowing up his life to be there for me at every turn. Because if I do, I’ll be just like my father. Taking, taking, taking.
The gesture I’ve been working on for him doesn’t feel like enough. It feels laughable now that he’s lying here, bleeding, because of me. Because he was worried about the future of The Ginger Station.
Conflicted, I bring the phone out into the hall, barely even caring that the hospital employees will see me looking like a hot mess.
I dial the number, only then remembering that Kenji is not only busy but also important.
For all I know, he’s in the middle of some major presentation and won’t be available for hours.
I will drive Cormac to Pardee, if I need to, but I want him to have the best care. The best care that any person could have anywhere, and if I have to beg, I will.
Kenji answers on the third ring.
“I get it. You don’t want to move, and that’s fine, I understand why. But tell me you’ll at least consider extending your trip.”
My heart thumps painfully fast. “You want him to move?”
“Who’s this?” he asks, clearly taken aback.
“It’s…it’s Nora. Nora Leigh.”
“Nora?” Concern creeps into his voice. “Is Cormac okay?”
With that, I’m instantly snapped back to reality. Cormac is injured, lying on that bed, and I have to make sure he’s getting the best medical care available.
“He…he’s going to be okay. But his face got injured.
” I stifle a sob. “Someone hit him while he was wearing his glasses, and he sustained lacerations around his eye. There might be a corneal injury too. I was hoping you could help me. We’re at the hospital in Apple Ridge.
I don’t think they can give him the care he needs, and—”
“I’ll arrange for a helicopter to transport him to Charlotte.”
“Thank you. Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me. He’s my best friend.” Silence hangs on the line for a moment. “I need to know what happened.”
I can tell from the way he asks that he thinks I threw a bottle at Cormac’s face or something, which makes me feel a wave of fresh shame. I suppose I might as well have. I certainly can’t get mad at Kenji for asking.
“It’s a long story, but my business partner punched him in the face.”
“Sounds exciting,” he says, his voice colder now. He doesn’t want me with Cormac, and I don’t blame him. I don’t know what Cormac told him, but obviously it was enough for him to make up his mind.
“Can you tell me about your business with him?” I ask.
Kenji tells me all about the work he and Cormac are doing, possibly because he’s hoping I’ll do the right thing and get the fuck out of their way. They’re starting a nonprofit to fund young tech entrepreneurs. Kids with brilliant ideas, like they used to be.
Cormac is starting an enterprise he believes in with a friend. He supported my dream, even though it didn’t work out. If I really love him, then I need to do the same.
I’m hanging up with Kenji when Cormac’s father comes running around the corner.