Chapter Twenty-Four
The day passed in incredible bliss after I pushed my mom and our conversation out of my mind.
Colton wanted to practice, and I wanted to ride a horse, so he let me saddle Gracie up and led me to the practice arena.
Colton was doing his best, but I could tell his nerves were starting to get the best of him. He was constantly on his phone, refreshing it every fifteen minutes. After the number popped up, he’d rub his hand and clench his fist, as if he were fighting intense doubts.
I wished I could take away his anxiety.
Jimmy, Alan, and Dean all suddenly gained an intense fear of missing out on the practice and joined. That, of course, meant the rest of the gang would be there too.
I couldn’t imagine having this much support for something as simple as a practice ride.
The kids were off playing in the yard, with the sandbox and new sand castle toys Jo had bought to keep them busy.
Miley was on her own horse ride today, and Erin was soaking in the kid-free time, so it was just me and AnnaJane with the boys. In the most gorgeous practice arena I had ever seen. 37,000 square feet of dirt, a few stadium seats, stalls for the animals, chutes, and, of course, gates.
It was a cowboy’s dream to have this in their own backyard.
AnnaJane was just as good on a horse as the boys. She had a gorgeous Criollo horse she called Goose, who was obviously her pride and joy.
Colton was in the practice chute, nodding at Dennis’ advice. Alan and Dean stood at the gate, ready to open it.
AnnaJane and Jimmy were the judges.
And me? After Ellie and my adventure, I was the designated pick-up man, assigned by Dennis.
I was so nervous for such a big job, but sitting on Gracie, on a horse, made me feel like a giddy kid again.
“You’re so tense, bud,” Dennis was saying. “You need to breathe and loosen up. I don’t need you pullin’ something right before you qualify.”
“I know, I just feel like I’m waitin’ for a bomb to go off,” he said shyly, glancing at me.
I led the horse next to AnnaJane’s. “Is there anything I could do to ease the pressure?” I whispered.
She sighed, looking at her husband across the arena. “Oh, sweetie, I wish. They get so intense right before they qualify, and you gotta ride out the storm. You’re sweet to want to try to help him.”
It was hard to watch Colton be so nervous.
“Colton’s probably the most sensitive out of all the boys.
He feels the wins and losses really hard, which can be a curse and a blessin’.
He falls off, and he wants to fight harder to be better.
He wins, and he wants a better score,” she went on.
“He’s gonna go far, with his talent, but it’s gonna be really hard for him emotionally. ”
I rubbed Gracie’s neck. “I just feel useless.”
AnnaJane laughed. “Get used to that, Ally!”
“Take a breath, say your prayer, and give the signal, Colt,” Dennis was saying. “You gotta be loose.”
Colton took a long, deep breath, bowed his head, mumbled some soft words, and looked up at Alan, giving a sharp nod.
Alan threw the gate open, and the horse went crazy.
Colton’s spine snapped like a whip, throwing him harshly. He was grunting, something I had never heard in the overpowering sounds of the real arena. His hat flew off as his back was turned hard to the left. He slid slightly but hung on until Jimmy let out a loud, “TIME!”
That was my signal.
I whipped the reins and sped up next to Colton’s horse, becoming neck-to-neck in no time. He put his hands on my saddle and slid to the dirt floor.
It was a gorgeously dangerous ride.
My mouth was dry. This was getting harder and harder to watch.
“NICE!” Dennis’ voice echoed across the arena. “That was much better.”
Colton was tightening his glove with his teeth. “I can do better. Let’s go again,” he said shortly, breathing hard.
“No, you need a break,” Dean said, glancing longly at his own horse. “We need to practice too.”
Colton had already made it back to the chute. “I want to hang on for sixteen seconds.”
“Are you crazy?” Jimmy asked as his horse appeared beside me. “Dude, come on. You can’t risk any damage before Armillo.”
“If I can do sixteen, eight will be nothin’,” he said stubbornly, climbing up the gate.
The boys were still throwing their objections, but I could see by the look in Colton’s eyes that there was no talking him out of this one.
Dennis finished readying the horse for him. “Sixteen seconds and then you’re done. No more practice today, deal?” Colton opened his mouth to protest, but Dennis held up his finger. “Deal?”
He nodded, getting into his position.
“Is he always this stubborn?” I leaned over to ask Jimmy.
Jimmy laughed quietly. “Allegra, I don’t know if you remember the answer I gave in your interview when you asked if I give my siblings any advice on rodeoing.”
I strained to think and let a smile cross my lips. “You told me Colton was too stubborn to take any advice.”
He shrugged with a smug look on his face. “I tried to warn you.”
“Your dad tells me you’re thinking of retiring,” I said without thinking.
Jimmy looked melancholy at Colton. “I’ve been trying to decide for years when the right time would be.” His eyes wandered to his wife, who was spinning her horse in a tight circle. “There was never a right time, but my kids are starting to grow up. I’ve missed enough of their childhoods.”
“That’s a big sacrifice.”
He shrugged again. “AnnaJane sacrificed so much for me and my career. It’s time. Besides, I’ve seen how hard it is for my dad to avoid his pain. I want to retire before I can’t give my kids a piggyback ride.”
I tried not to think about his final sentence. “You’ll work for your dad when you retire?” I assumed.
“Yeah, most likely,” he said, a little sad. “I’ve spent my whole life focused on gettin’ to the rodeo, I never thought about what to do when it was over.”
I gripped Gracie’s reins tightly. “I’m sorry, Jimmy, I didn’t mean to bring it up.”
He shook his head. “I’m excited to get to see my wife and kids every single day. Sure, I’m leavin’ behind a lot, but I also have so much to look forward to.”
Alan snapped the gate open, and Colton was off like a rocket.
“I’ve seen how hard it is for my dad to avoid his pain.”
I could barely watch as the horse did everything it could to try to get Colton off. She jumped and kicked and spun until I was tired. His body was jerking hard, back and forth, catching a rhythm. The first eight seconds went by quickly, but the second half was excruciating.
Colton had sweat flying off his hair, his hands were visibly shaking, and he looked exhausted.
Finally, right when I thought I was going to throw up out of anticipation, Jimmy yelled, “TIME!”
I snapped the reins and rode as fast as I could to get to his side.
Colton was gripping the saddle with all the strength he had left. Last time, he’d simply swung off his horse, not needing me to grab him off. This time, I would have to do the heavy lifting.
I reached behind his belt, helping balance as he lunged toward my horse.
Whether his depth perception was off or he was just too tired to care, I wasn’t sure. But Colton barely brushed the back of my saddle before dropping to the dirt, face-first.
“Colton!” I screamed.
I jumped off the horse, sprinting to his side. I slid on my knees until I was next to his head.
His eyes were closed. I was freaking out, the ringing in my ears deafening. “Colton!” I screamed again. I cupped his face with my left hand and gave him a hard slap with my right.
He immediately snapped his eyes open. “Oh, ow! Can’t a man catch his breath?”
Dean and Alan were cackling. Jimmy casually rode up on his horse, shaking his head. Dennis strode beside us, rolling his eyes.
AnnaJane’s hand was on my shoulder. “He’s just teasin’. Don’t worry, Ally!”
Colton was smiling, breathing hard, and the dirt had stuck to his sweat, making his teeth look brilliantly white. He had worked hard to finish the ride and came out the other side unscathed.
Me, on the other hand?
I couldn’t catch my breath, my hands were clammy, and it felt like someone had dumped cold water down my spine.
The scene was all too familiar, and I wasn’t sure I could handle it again.
~~~
I promised myself that night that I would only stay for Ellie’s National Anthem performance. I was rodeoed out for the day. I sat on the front row, phone aimed directly at her, smiling like a chimp.
Jimmy, Alan, Erin, Dennis, AnnaJane, and the rest of the kids were at Cash’s baseball game, a rare occurrence for him to have such an audience. Colton was exhausted, and Jo was excited to watch old western movies with him while he recovered.
I had to go to meet Billy, take a few pictures, approve the script, and do all the other fun admin tasks I was assigned.
Which meant I was on my own to watch Ellie perform.
Honestly, the solidarity was welcome. After what happened this afternoon and how I tolerated it, I knew I needed to get a handle on my emotions if I was going to be with Colton. His whole life was rodeo; it would be a modern miracle if he went his entire career without a fall.
Even the thought of it made my hands clammy again.
Ellie walked confidently into the middle of the arena, her pink sparkly dress and cowgirl hat a perfect contrast to the dirt. She didn’t hesitate before singing the most gorgeous, tear-jerking rendition of the Star Spangled Banner that I had ever heard.
I whooped and screamed when it ended, forgetting I was still recording.
The audience roared with me, giving her the recognition she deserved. She gave a cute little curtsy and walked off.
I sent the video to Martha, feeling guilty for how long it had been since I’d called her. I vowed to give her a call when I had my next spare minute.
Ellie found me a few minutes later, accepting all the high-fives and compliments as easily as Colton did.
Gosh, I admired that.
“Ellie!” I greeted her as she threw her little arms around my legs. “That was amazing! I got the whole thing on video!”
She smiled. “Yay, we can show it to Mommy tonight!”
“Oh, for sure.” I looked back at our seats. “Do you want to watch the show or get out of here?”
“Does get out of here include stoppin’ for ice cream?”
I fought back a smile as I thought seriously. “I don’t think we’re allowed home for at least half an hour, so we’d better stop.”
In AnnaJane’s old minivan, we made our way to Rodeo Loco Snacks and Ice Cream shop. We parked, and she led me to the walk-up window to order our ice cream.
I hadn’t had ice cream in years. I was practically salivating when Ellie ordered a banana split. I ordered three scoops of strawberry in a massive waffle cone.
“This is a cute place,” I said, mostly to myself as we took a seat in one of the outdoor tables. “Do you like living in Oklahoma?” It was warm out there. It was eight o’clock, and I was sweating.
She shrugged as she licked her ice cream, her adorable pigtails swinging with her. “Never lived anywhere else, so I couldn’t tell ya.”
I chuckled. This girl was wise beyond her years. “That’s a good point.” I licked my own ice cream, closing my eyes to enjoy every bit of the flavor. “Oh my gosh,” I moaned.
Ellie was giggling, chocolate syrup dripping down her chin. “Ally, have you never had ice cream before?”
I laughed with her and dramatically licked my cone again. “It’s been way too long since I have!”
She dramatically licked hers back. “That’s a disgrace.”
“So, Ellie, do you want to be in the rodeo like your dad?”
She popped the marchino cherry in her mouth, twisting off the stem between her teeth like I used to.
The cowboy boots and hat, the pigtails, the freckles, slap some blonde hair on this little girl, and she’s Allegra, twenty years ago.
It was eerie.
“I don’t know. My mamma was a rodeo queen for a while. I think that’d be fun! But only if it doesn’t get in the way of my singin’ career!”
“Oh yes, of course. That does come first.”
“Obviously.”
“Obviously,” I said in the same tone. “Do you like watching your daddy in the rodeo?”
She was stirring the chocolate syrup around the bottom of the bowl she had devoured. “Yes, but it’ll be fun when he’s always home. Do you like watchin’ Uncle Colt ride in the rodeo?”
I crunched on the last of my waffle cone as I thought about how to answer this innocent, adorable little girl.
Yes, I had so much pride in Colton when I watched him ride; it made my heart want to burst.
No, I was so terrified he was going to get hurt, I thought my soul would explode.
It was so complicated, too much for the little girl in front of me, wiping her face with the back of her arm. “I love watching him do what he loves,” I finally responded.
“But it’s scary?” She asked with blue puppy dog eyes.
I clenched my jaw and put my sticky hand on hers. “It can be scary, huh?”
“My daddy loves to ride the bulls, but when he falls off,” she clutched her chest, much like an elderly woman, “man almighty, it makes me never want to watch again!”
“It’s hard to watch the people we love get hurt, isn’t it?”
“Really hard.”
Really hard.
~~~
Colton set my bags in the backseat of his truck, yelling something to his dad as he did. He laughed and shut the door.
I sat in the front, dressed in casual jeans and a tank top. The Oklahoma heat was starting to exhaust me. I had gotten used to Chicago seasons, average summers, and harsh winters. This southern heat was too much, even for a former Texas gal.
I just prayed I hadn’t already sweat through my shirt.
“Are you ready?” Colton asked as he climbed into the driver’s seat.
Colton had been asleep when I got home from ice cream with Ellie last night. I was disappointed. After getting to kiss him over and over for two days straight, each minute without his lips was torture.
“Giddy-up!” I said, instantly regretting it.
“Giddy-up!” Colton said enthusiastically back. He started the engine and revved it a couple of times. “YEE-HAW!” he screamed, a huge playful grin on his face.
Okay, I no longer felt embarrassed about my “giddy-up.” I laughed out loud.
“Oh come on, cowgirl!” He said, aiming the truck toward the road. “I need a yee-haw!”
“Yee-haw,” I said awkwardly, pumping my fist.
“You can do much better than that!” He said, revving the engine again. “YEE-HAW!”
Finally, I stopped smiling enough to let out my best, “YEE-HAW!”
“YEE-HAW!” Colton shouted again as he peeled down the driveway.
There was something about Colton that made me forget everything else. He was a big ball of positivity, and it was infectious. I wanted to ride with him to the next rodeo for so many reasons, but one of the main ones was because I needed his optimism.
I loved who I was when I was with him.