Chapter Thirty-Four
I rolled over sleepily, the bright sunlight streaming in through the tiny windows. It was later than I had slept in years, and it felt amazing.
Colton was asleep beside me–actually, asleep is too kind a word–he was unconscious beside me. He was sprawled like a starfish, his mouth open, his hair wild.
I smiled to myself. I could really get used to waking up to that face.
He had a weekend’s worth of stubble on his jaw, which honestly was kinda sexy. It added to his easy rustic look that I found so hot. And to my enjoyment, he was shirtless, the blanket pulled up to his chin.
It hadn’t taken much convincing for him to come lie with me again last night.
After we had gotten back from one of the best barbecue places in Texas and eaten a million s’mores, Jo ordered us all to bed. She said we were getting up early and hitting the road so we could be in Stephville before it was too late.
Colton and I had stayed up way too late, casually chatting about whatever popped into our heads.
“Jimmy and I heard the sliding glass door open, and then Alan and Dean walked into the house, covered from head to toe in mud!”
I put my hand over my mouth. “No.”
“Yeah, right as Mamma came home!” He was laughing then, using his hands to describe the story.
“They were how old?” I had asked, joining in on his laughter.
He had to stop to catch his breath before going on. “I think a year and a half.”
“What’d your Mom do?”
“Oh, she was livid!” He wiped a stray tear.
“She made Jimmy and me give them their baths, then scrub the bathroom, and threw the game console in the garbage. She went on and on about how we were supposed to watch them for an hour while she went to the market, and all we did was play video games.” He raised a finger.
“But to be fair, we had gotten the console three days before, and that was the first time we had turned it on. We had no idea it would suck us in so badly! We were just so dang lucky Dean and Alan weren’t hurt!
Though I know they ate a lot of that mud. ”
I was practically snorting.
“Whew,” he said when he had finished laughing. “I don’t know what it is about you, but I’ve never laughed so much in my life.”
Martha’s voice popped in my head.
“When was the last time you laughed so hard you snorted? You’re not truly enjoying your life until the joy is so big it completely crowds out the worry.”
Colton leaned back against the bedframe. “Okay, your turn. What’s a regret you have?”
I blew out a long stream of breath. “I have a lot of regrets,” I admitted.
“But I think the biggest one is the way I left Texas. I practically graduated high school and gassed up the car to drive anywhere else.” I picked up his hand and traced my finger over the calluses.
“I loved Texas. My dad and I had so much fun here. I think I left to forget about my mom, but I accidentally lost my dad along the way.”
Not nearly as much fun talking about my regrets as it was with Colton’s.
He lifted his hand, using it to pull my cheek to look at him. “I would’ve left too,” he agreed, making me feel a tiny bit better. “You wanted a fresh start; there’s nothing wrong with that.”
After that, we’d lain down to continue talking, and the next thing I knew, it was morning.
I sat up and stretched, feeling more rested than I could’ve imagined possible, despite how late Colton and I had stayed up.
The blankets got pulled down as I moved. I cringed, hoping I didn’t wake Colton. Carefully, I turned and went to pull them back up to his chin when I saw them.
The green, purple, and blue splotches were climbing up his chest. I gasped.
Colton cracked his eyes open and blinked a few times, still trying to climb into consciousness. “Ally?” He looked at me and tried to see where my gaze was trapped. “Geez, girl, I know you like my abs, but this is an unhealthy obsession.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Colton…”
He winced hard. “Dadgummit,” he groaned. “Holy heavens.”
The pain of the weekend was finally hitting him.
My stomach felt like a rock. I knelt on the bed, leaning over him. “Colton, tell me how to help you.”
His teeth were clenched, and his face was white.
He had either put on a good show the past few days or the toll of the bad ride and then a full day of hard practice was hitting him like a truck.
Either way, he was in horrible shape. He rolled his head onto his fists and let out a soft groan.
“Um, could you grab some painkillers for me? They’re in the kitchen, should have my name on them. ”
I nodded and got up, practically running. I slid the curtain open and didn’t bother closing it. I started throwing open cabinets, not caring what noise I was making.
“Allegra?” Said a sleepy voice.
I yanked a sticky cabinet open and felt my blood go cold.
Dozens of prescriptions stared back at me, their ugly orange color making my ears ring.
Colton Nash- Take one tablet by mouth as needed for pain-MAX 6 PER DAY
Jimmy Nash- Take two tablets by mouth as needed for pain-MAX 4 PER DAY
Dennis Nash- Take one tablet every two hours as needed for pain- 12 refills
I was frozen, staring at the pain medication that seemed to scream back at me.
A hand was on my shoulder, but I couldn’t turn around. “Allegra? Are you alright?”
It was Jimmy.
Colton groaned again from the bedroom.
I snapped back into it and faced Jimmy. “Colton is-um-he needs-he’s in pain,” I stammered.
Jimmy nodded and grabbed one of the bottles. “There are some frozen peas in the freezer. Do you mind?” He asked as he filled up a glass of water. He pulled his phone out and typed quickly on it. He didn’t wait for my answer and walked up to the master bedroom.
I wiped my clammy hands on my pajama shorts and shook my head. I needed to focus. I opened the freezer.
There was a gallon of ice cream, some frozen fries, and stacks and stacks of frozen peas. I grabbed one, my body literally frozen in place.
The door to the trailer opened, and Jo climbed in. She was still in a nightgown, her hair rolled up in pink curlers. I’m sure she got Jimmy’s text and ran right over, not bothering to fix herself up.
She didn’t notice me standing in the middle of the kitchen.
Dennis followed soon after. He was in the same pajamas and robe I had seen him in that morning in Oklahoma. “Mornin’,” he said with a sympathetic smile.
I took a breath and forced an awkward smile.
His face twisted into concern. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t get a chance to answer. “Dennis, could you grab some ice?” Jo shouted. It was all I could do to force my arms to thrust the peas in his direction.
Dennis took it, gave me another look, and walked up to the room. “Hey, bud!” He greeted his son. “Rough mornin’?”
“I’ll be fine, Dad,” Colton said with a soft chuckle.
“You went real hard the past two days. I’d be surprised if you didn’t wake up like this.” Dennis’ voice was comforting, but even I could hear the hint of concern. “Can you open your hand?”
That got me curious. I leaned over just enough to peek past the curtain.
Colton had made it onto his side, but his body had started shaking.
I felt queasy.
He had his right hand outstretched to his parents, but it was balled in a tight fist. “Not yet.”
“It’ll loosen,” Jimmy promised.
Dennis glanced back at me. “You alright, buddy?” He asked Colton while staring at me.
“Yes, sir.”
“I’ll be back,” he promised. He slid past the curtain. “Allegra? Can we go for a walk?”
I nodded, despite not knowing if my feet would comply.
He opened the door, and by some miracle I followed.
It was a gorgeous morning. It was early enough that the Texas heat hadn’t gotten up quite yet. The willow trees were lazily swinging their branches, and the dew still clung to the grass in the pasture.
“He’s gonna be okay,” Dennis promised as soon as the door shut.
I let out a breath that had been making my chest ache. “I know.” My emotions were already a mess, but having Dennis here, simply to talk to me and help me understand? It was enough to make me weepy.
We walked to the edge of the pasture and leaned on the fence.
I watched a horse as black as night run across the grass and chewed my cheek. “He’ll recover-or fake that he’s fine-then he’ll get back on that damn horse and do it all over again.” I shot a surprised glance at Dennis, as if I couldn’t believe I let myself say all that.
Luckily, Dennis did not shout at me for disrespecting his family’s beloved sport. He simply exhaled. He wasn’t looking at me, just staring off into the endless horizon. “It’s a torturous cycle, isn’t it?”
I nodded, grateful he didn’t yell at me.
This time, he turned and looked at me. He opened and closed his mouth, as if he was too scared to say what he wanted to.
I gave him a helpless gaze. “Dennis, can I ask you something?”
“Of course, cowgirl.”
My heart felt hollow, and for just a minute, I pretended Dennis was my own dad.
I pretended he was the person I could trust most in this life and talk to about anything.
I needed a dad’s advice. “Dennis, how do I support him if I can’t stand to watch him almost kill himself?
” I did everything I could to bite back the tears.
“I mean, this is the true love of his life, and I want nothing more than to be his number one fan, but…”
Dennis put his hand on my shoulder. “Allegra, I know it’s hard to watch someone you care about be in pain, for any reason.” He hesitated again, and I wanted to ask what was weighing so heavily on his mind that he couldn’t seem to spit it out.
He had the same look on his face when he and I had talked in the Nash, Oklahoma, house, and we never finished that conversation either.
Finally, he shook his head and answered my question.
“How do you be supportive when it’s killin’ you to watch him hurt himself?
” Thankfully, he didn’t make me try to answer and went on.
“You don’t try to be his fan. You are his anchor.
When he comes out of the dirt, whether it’s a win or a loss, if he’s bloody or a champion, you’ll be the place where the adrenaline stops.
You be the person that reminds him there is a world outside the gates, a world that’s worth coming back to. ”
He paused, a shadow crossing his face. “Just stay in the stands, Ally. Even if you have to close your eyes until the whistle blows... just stay. Because the second you leave, he’s got nothin’ to ride for but the buckle. And a buckle is a cold thing to hold onto when the lights go out.”