Lukas
NOVEMBER
“Hey, this is Magnolia. Sorry I missed your call. Leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
“Hey, Mags. Me again. Winter is officially on its way, I think. We made it almost to Thanksgiving this year without any real snow, but they’re calling for a pretty big blizzard over the next few days.
” I take the stairs of the old farmhouse to the second floor, admiring the newly sprayed insulation that covers the ceiling and walls.
It was a miracle to get it done before winter came.
“You always hated this time of year, when everything is dull and brown and frozen over. It’s so damn cold.
” Magnolia hated this limbo right before the snow fell, when the leaves had blown away, and the skies were no longer blue.
She’d swear that she was allergic to the cold.
That it changed her more than the average person.
This time of year, she would steal my sweatshirts, and when we’d be side by side on the couch, she’d always tuck her feet under mine.
Lying in bed with her, her hands would slip under my shirt, and I’d hiss when her cold fingers wrapped around my sides, but I never pushed her away.
“You thrive in the warm weather, in the summer. Always smiling like the sun. The beach days were some of the best times, weren’t they?
” I clear my throat as I take the stairs back down to the first floor, standing in the center of what was once the sitting room, which will be the future living room of the house.
We knocked out the wall that divided the sitting room and formal living room, making it one large space.
On the east wall sits a large bay window, one that practically spans the entire width, bringing in as much natural light as possible.
I take in a ragged breath, the smell of fresh plaster and saw dust still clinging in the air.
I want so badly to tell her about this house, about what I’ve done. The one promise I made to her that I haven’t broken yet.
I wonder if she would love this room, if she’d convince me to turn it into a dance studio where she could stretch her legs on a barre along the window and watch the sunrise every morning.
But I can’t tell her—not yet. Because if she knows it’s here, that I’m making this dream a reality and she doesn’t ever want to see it …
well, I don’t know if I could survive that.
“I’ll let ya go. I don’t have much to say today.
I guess, well, toward the end of our relationship, the end of us, I held back a lot of what I should have said.
I didn’t tell you how often I thought about you, especially when I was in the military.
I probably acted like I was too busy. I know I told you I was too busy.
I didn’t make you feel like a priority when I should have.
And sometimes, I wonder if maybe this would have had a different ending if I hadn’t kept it all in.
” Even when it was bad, I should have talked to her instead of pretending.
“So, I just wanted you to know that you crossed my mind today.” That’s not a new thing.
She crosses my mind all the time. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of her.
“Just thinking of you, that’s all. Bye, Mags. ”