Lukas #3
Before I know what she's doing, her ice-cold hands find their way underneath my sweatshirt, like little popsicles, pressing against my warm skin. I yelp, and she giggles, a real, genuine laugh. She presses her cheek to my chest, taking in a few steady breaths.
“I quit the ballet.”
My body tenses, and I pull back, leaning down to catch her gaze.
“Well, I didn’t quit yet,” she adds. “I told them I needed a mental health break, which is true. But I … I’m not going back.”
“You don’t have to quit because of this, sweetheart.
The house will be here. I will be here for as long as it takes for you to finish out your career.
I told you that … I promised you that. Please, God…
” I raise my hands to cup her cheeks, staring down at her.
“Don’t quit over me. Us. Don’t quit over something like this. ”
She shakes her head slightly, my grip on her cheeks too tight to allow for much movement. “I read your letters.”
It takes a minute for me to remember that I gave her those letters. I meant for them to give clarity, an explanation, maybe. But not so she would quit her career.
“I think…” Her voice cracks, and she pauses, breathing deeply to gather the words.
“I think reading those letters, as painful as it was, was the last piece for me. By reading them, I saw everything you went through. I saw the change that I couldn’t understand before.
I sat on the floor and read every single one—start to finish.
And when I was done, do you know what I realized? ”
“What?” I croak.
Her eyes search my face. “I realized how short life really is. How nothing is guaranteed. How at any second, someone we love can be ripped from us.”
I wince at that, my mind immediately flooding to Collins, to Davis. To how fast I lost some of my closest friends that day.
“In those letters, I could still see the boy I met at nine years old. I could see your heart and mine broke along with yours the more I learned what you went through. Everyone changes as they grow, both for better and worse, but in those letters, I could see how scared you were. Scared for your friends, scared for the strangers you saw along the way. You saw terrible things.” Her hands come up to cup my cheeks, and I don’t realize I’m crying until she swipes at a tear with her thumb.
“You had to do terrible things to stay alive. I couldn’t imagine the boy I knew having to do what you did, but now I can.
“Life is short, Lukas. We’re not even thirty yet and think of how much we’ve gone through.
I love ballet, and I've had a beautiful career. I've been lucky to have ten years of living out my greatest dream. And I know I still have time left if I want it, but what I’ve realized now is that ballet isn’t the most important part of my life anymore. ”
“What’s the most important thing now?” I ask, the words coming out shaky.
The room is painfully quiet as I wait for her to answer.
Outside, the sun has started to set, and a golden pink hue seeps into the room.
It illuminates her hair, her dark eyes, and those pretty pink lips that I’m desperate to kiss.
“The people I love.” She leans forward, bringing us chest to chest. “You. Ivy. Nana. My parents. I’m tired of missing everyone. Of missing holidays and family dinners. I’m tired of missing the quiet times, the snow days, and warm summer nights. I’m tired, Lukas, and I want to come home.”
“Mags,” I rasp, wrapping my arms around her and tugging her to my chest. “You don’t know how good it feels to hear that, but…
” I pull back, needing her to see how serious I am about this.
“If you decide you’re done … if you come home, you know we’ll all welcome you with open arms. But you need to make sure,” I press a hand to her temple, “that your mind, your heart, every part of you is done. Make sure that this isn’t just a bad day, or a bad few months, or the frustration you feel after every injury.
I need you to be sure that you aren’t making this decision out of loneliness, or because of what you’ve seen here.
” I gesture around the room. “If you come home and move in here, I’d be happy to spend my days waking up with you and Ivy and my nights holding you as we fall asleep.
I’ll cook you dinner and watch the sunset with you from the porch swing.
But I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize you aren’t quite ready to be done.
I don’t want you to have regrets.” My eyes dart across her face, catching her every reaction.
“I don’t want you to wish for more. I’d do anything to make you happy, Mags, and that includes waiting another ten years if needed. ”
A smile lights up her face, one so wide the skin by her eyes crinkles.
“I’m sure, Lukas.” Her hands come up to rest on my hips, and one slides up further to my chest. Her fingers curl in the neck of my sweatshirt, and she uses her grip to tug me down to her.
“I want to be here,” she whispers against my lips, and I lean into her. “I want to be home. With you.”
“Promise?”
She brushes her words against my lips as I lean in to kiss her. “Promise.”