Chapter 21 Logan
Twenty One
Logan
On the day of the monthly family dinner at my parents’ house, Sierra and I tease and flirt mercilessly with each other throughout the workday until I can’t take it anymore.
Seth is supposed to be home from his shift in half an hour, but I can’t resist flinging her over my shoulder like a caveman and dragging her to bed.
We play-wrestle until we’re breathless, her from exertion and both of us from excitement.
“Stop lording your testosterone-fueled strength over me,” she teases as I easily hold her down. “Throw me a bone every once in a while.”
“Like this?” I say and grind my erection into the sweet spot between her legs.
She moans. “Exactly. Give me more of that.”
For the first time in years—no, my life—I feel light. Happy. Complete. I don’t even fully feel devastated when she pries herself loose and leaves this time.
Later, Seth and I drive over together to our parents’ house.
“Sierra didn’t want to come?” Seth asks. “Seems like if she’s willing to hop into bed with you, she should be willing to say hi to Mom.”
“What…what do you mean?” I stammer. Even I wince at how fake my tone sounds.
“Don’t give me that. You’re a terrible liar.
It’s like watching a bad Sagebrush Players’ performance of an Oscar Wilde play,” Seth says.
“Every evening, you say goodnight to each other so formally: ‘Good night, my employee and ex-girlfriend, whom I have no feelings for whatsoever. Sleep well, for I shall not see you till morning.’”
“Your British accent needs some work,” I grumble.
“I was going for mid-Atlantic. And then, not ten minutes pass,” he continues, “and it’s like watching kids sneaking out on a school night—doors creaking open, muffled giggles. Not to mention the other noises I had to buy earplugs for.”
Heat crawls up my neck. “Sorry, man. We were trying to keep it down.”
“Our house is over a hundred years old,” Seth says. “You very well know the walls are paper-thin. So why pretend? Because I told you it was a bad idea before? It still is, but that’s never stopped you before. But you don’t need to keep this charade up for my sake.”
I clear my throat. “She has this idea that we shouldn’t tell anyone. Because we’re not actually together. It’s just…sex.”
Seth gives me another look. “Is it just sex?” His face says, Don’t lie to me, I know it’s not.
“I’m hoping I can change her mind,” I say finally.
Seth exhales. “You’re going to get hurt,” he says bluntly.
“I know.” I hesitate. “I have to try.”
“Do you have to try? After all she put us through—” He sounds so bitter for a minute. “Don’t do it, bro. She’s your kryptonite. If you start this up again, you’re going to spiral. Just like you did before. Don’t put me through that again.”
I park in front of our parents’ house. “This has nothing to do with you,” I say quietly. “Besides, it’ll be different this time.”
“I put my life on hold for years to support you. I’ll be damned if I stay around and watch you dismantle all your progress for a few weeks of sex from a girl who’s told you she doesn’t care enough about you to take the relationship seriously.” Seth hops out.
“Seth!”
He ignores me. Fucking asshole.
In the house, Mom envelops me in one of her cozy and familiar hugs. I feel like a kid again, although I have to prop my chin on top of her head now. She smells like home—a mix of herbs and the overpriced candles we always buy her for her birthday.
“You look well,” she says, pleased. “What’s got you looking so happy?”
“I like my new events role,” I say quickly. “The Candlelight Tour went well.”
Behind her, Seth rolls his eyes.
A frown creases her brow. “Seth and Emily said you and Sierra got locked in the cave overnight? Are you two okay?”
I launch into the story as Mom gestures for all five of her kids and her husband to settle at the kitchen table.
It feels as it always does when we each drop into the same seats we’ve sat in since birth—warm and comforting in a way only my family can feel.
It hits me that I’ve been spending so much time with Sierra that I’ve neglected the rest of my family. I’ve missed this—missed them.
I miss Sierra too. Not just her absence—I miss her here. I can picture her at this table: teasing my brothers, playfully interrogating Dad about his cycling obsession, helping Emily keep everyone on task to keep passing dishes around before the food gets cold.
“How is she doing?” Mom asks. “I know I’ve told you before, but she’s welcome to come by anytime. I…I’d like to see her, Logan.”
It’s like a knife to the chest. “I’ll ask,” I say quietly.
It strikes me how open my family is. We know all each other’s secrets and have helped each other through every hard time. I don’t know how I would’ve survived Sierra’s disappearance without them. And here I am, lying to them.
“You’ve been working her too hard?” Dad asks.
“We’ve been busy,” I answer Dad, “but it’s been fine.”
“What will she have for dinner?” Mom frets. “I’ll pack some for you to take back to her. Cole, you don’t need two rolls—put one back. If you and Sierra need more free time, I’m sure you all can shift around priorities amongst yourselves.”
“We have quite a bit already,” I say. “Seth’s taking most of the cave tours now so I can focus on the Blackstone Legacy event.”
“I need the schedule to change again,” Seth says. “Logan needs to step up and take more of the tours. I’m tired of carrying his weight.”
“Do we really need to discuss business at family dinner?” Emily says, annoyed. “Can’t we discuss anything else?”
“I’m working two jobs now and bringing in a whole new revenue source,” I say to Seth, irritated. “Maybe if you actually took your job seriously, I wouldn’t have to pick up the slack.”
Emily jumps in, sounding irritated. “This is why I insist on our weekly business meetings. If you have concerns, this has to be brought up at—”
“You’re not taking your job seriously!” yells Seth. “I’ll agree that you’re busy, but not with that.”
“Say what you really want to say,” I dare him. You really want to air this out in front of Mom and Dad?
Seth doesn’t seem to understand my unspoken twin communication, or he ignores it completely. “Are you going to tell them, or should I?” Seth asks.
“Why do you keep doing this?” I snap. “Knock it off.”
“Because they have a right to know!”
“What is going on?” Cole interrupts, his bread roll frozen halfway to his mouth.
“He and Sierra are sleeping together,” Seth mutters as he stabs a piece of chicken with his fork.
The table goes silent.
“We’re not…” I look around the table for support and find none. My mom is giving me the look, and I know it’s pointless to deny it. “We’re keeping it casual,” I mumble. “It’s nothing…official.”
“You’re kidding,” says Ethan. “After the girl made you crazy, thinking she was dead?”
I sigh. Great. “It’s none of your business,” I say again.
“Isn’t it?” Ethan says. “That’s interesting, because you relied on our support the last time she disappeared.”
“Don’t give me that, Ethan,” I snap. “I was a kid. You holding my teenage breakdown over me is shitty.” I put my fork down and rub the back of my neck. “I didn’t mean that. You know how much I appreciated your support before.”
“Not to pick sides, because I think what she did years ago, leaving without a trace, was fucked up, but Sierra does seem different,” Emily says.
“I couldn’t believe how hard she worked during the Candlelight Tour.
Seven-years-ago Sierra would not have taken it seriously.
And she thanked me profusely for a dress and shoes Logan claimed I let her borrow. She’s matured.”
“Thanks for not giving that away,” I say. “She had nothing to wear to the event and, well…it was easier to say she was borrowing something from you.”
“Logan,” Cole says. “You’re not helping your case, bro. Buying her things, hiding it from us. What you’re doing with her doesn’t sound casual. You talked a big game about it just being for closure. You don’t think sleeping with her might make things more complicated?”
“No. Yes. I… It’s more than just…” I can feel my face heating, embarrassed to talk about my sex life in front of my parents.
Fucking Seth. “I love her,” I admit finally.
I push my potatoes around my plate. I don’t need to look up to see the pity on their faces.
“I’m trying to get back together with her. ”
Instead, I hear Cole say, “Pay up.”
Ethan groans. He pulls out his wallet and slaps a handful of twenty-dollar bills into Cole’s open palm.
“It was a bad bet to take,” Cole says sympathetically.
“You guys had a bet?” Emily says crossly. “Why didn’t you ask me to get in on it? I would have won too.”
“Kids, don’t be cruel,” Mom chides. “Logan, there’s a lot to unpack here—”
“Nope,” I say immediately. “Mom, please. I told you years ago I don’t want to talk to you about her.”
“But—”
“She is still going to leave,” Seth interrupts.
“She told you that weeks ago. Things change,” I insist.
“And you’re aware that could be a possible outcome?” Mom asks softly. “That she leaves again?”
“I…” I don’t know what to say. I look around at my family, suddenly at a loss because I don’t really have their support. Will I have to cross my family off the Triple-S list?
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” I say finally. I meet Seth’s eyes again. “I can’t give her up without a fight. Not this time.”