Chapter 34 Sierra
Thirty Four
Sierra
Getting back to Logan’s house is an exercise in restraint. Our fingers are entwined on the ride home. He keeps stealing glances at me, as if reassuring himself that I’m still here—followed each time by a look of delight when I am.
As for me, I don’t think I stop looking at him for a single moment. His dear face that I want to trace with my lips. The strong angle of his jaw, the sharp drop of his nose. The skin around his blue eyes crinkles every time he turns to catch me staring.
His fingers brush along the back of mine before squeezing almost too tightly. I squeeze back, loving the feel of him—real, warm, solid. Mine.
When we arrive home, I hop out of the truck, hurry around the hood, and fling myself at him.
Then we’re kissing.
Kissing on the pathway to the front door.
Kissing as he fumbles with the lock.
Kissing as we stumble through the living room and down the hall into his bedroom.
In the corner of my eye, I clock the familiar features of his house. The gray-blue painted walls. The aged bronze doorknobs. Each detail is so sweetly familiar, almost achingly so. It’s a feeling of homecoming that hits me straight to the heart.
His bedroom brings me up short.
I press a finger to his lips to pause the onslaught of affection, though it pains me to do it.
“What’s with the boxes?”
As far as I can tell, all his worldly possessions are packed into anonymous, orange-accented moving boxes. The only thing with any personality left is the dark-blue bedding on the mattress.
“Oh.” Logan rubs the back of his neck. “I’m leaving.”
I blink, uncertain what that means. “What?”
“I missed you so much when you were gone,” he says, the words spilling out of him.
“But it forced me to see something about myself. I’m terrified of relinquishing control.
And with you…I tried to control everything.
When you left, I realized what I’d done.
I never told you I loved you—and I sure as hell hadn’t shown you. ”
“Oh, Logan.” My heart aches. “That’s not true at all. You took such good care of me from the moment I arrived. More than I deserved.”
He holds up his hand against my protests, but his eyes are soft.
“What I mean is I didn’t show you I was willing to sacrifice anything for you,” he insists.
“Everything in our relationship was on my terms, and my terms only. I wanted you to get over your shame and fear, not just because I didn’t understand it, but also because it was getting in the way of what I wanted. ”
He twirls a strand of my hair around his finger, then presses a kiss to it.
“It wasn’t until I experienced it myself,” he continues, voice rough, “with Dawson publicly embarrassing me, that I understood. It’s not something you can will yourself past. It’s fucking hard.” He exhales. “I’m sorry I was such a clueless dick. I didn’t get it.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, my throat tight.
“Anyway, I realized that, if I loved you—if I was serious about us—I had to compromise.” He gestures to the suitcases and the duffel bag. “If being here in Sagebrush and reliving what happened was hurting you that much…then I would go with you. Because I do love you, Sierra.”
“Oh, Logan,” I say, speechless.
“Regardless of how this turns out—though I want you back more than anything—I also realized it’s time for me to try a different path.
” He gives a small, self-aware smile. “I’ve been talking to my mom this week.
About this. About my anger. You were right, I only get angry when things don’t go the way I expect or want.
Letting go of that control…” He shrugs. “It actually feels like a relief now that I’ve decided to do it.
And learning to face obstacles with aplomb, that’s real strength. You’ve shown me that.”
I didn’t think it was possible to fall more in love with him, but I do. It fills my body to near bursting, from the ends of my hair around his fingers down to the toes curled against his thigh.
“Anyway,” he says briskly as I gaze at him helplessly, overcome with my feelings. “I sold my share of the house to Seth. I was going to put all this in storage and leave tomorrow to find you. And beg you to give me another chance.”
“Seth didn’t say anything!”
Logan blinks. “When did you talk to Seth?”
“In Sedona. He and your mom came to see me today. That’s how he and I came up with the idea to trick Marshal Dawson into admitting his corruption.
Anyway, I suppose Seth did say he was done meddling in your love life.
Telling me about this romantic gesture probably fell into that category, so I’ll forgive it. ”
“Seth came to get you?” Logan asks.
“Yeah,” I say, softening.
“I should have found you first,” Logan says. He clenches his jaw and looks away.
“You did find me.” I touch his cheek and wait until his beloved blue eyes meet mine. “You’ve always seen me, even when no one else did. And when I returned, you made me feel welcome here in a way I never thought I’d feel again.”
His lips curve happily at my words, and I kiss him gently on the corner of his smile.
“Those things alone would have been enough to make me fall in love with you,” I tell him. “But, Logan, I see it now. What you’ve done is so much bigger, more incredible, than that. You transformed Sagebrush for us. It’s your love poem.”
His eyes soften, and he presses his lips to our joined hands, his breath warm against my skin.
“What you’ve done is incredible too. To survive something like what you went through.
I need so much support. I would be lost without my family.
But you turned your life around on your own. I admire that so much.”
His kiss is sweet, soft, and reverent. I try to deepen it, but he pulls back.
“There’s more,” he says, tracing his fingers down my cheek.
“I was still lost until you came back into my life,” he admits.
“You help me see things differently, try things I wouldn’t be brave enough to do on my own.
I would have rammed my way through my whole life without you, whatever the damage.
Half a soul. Fractured, splintered. Lost.”
My laugh is half giggle, half sob. “We’ve gotta stop quoting Billy Blackstone poetry at each other. Mix it up a bit. Shakespeare? Robert Frost?”
“Some Elizabeth Barrett Browning? ‘How do I love thee? Let me count the ways… I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.’”
My heart squeezes at the look in his eye as he delivers those romantic words. “Wow. How do you—”
“Sophomore English class. Memorize a poem for extra credit. Sometimes these things stick—especially since this one always reminded me of you. Because I do. I love you, Sierra.”
“I love you too.” I curl tighter into his lap, and we hold each other for a long moment. “So what next?” I ask.
“We leave,” Logan says firmly. “Wherever you want to go. I’ll follow you anywhere. I’ll give up control completely.”
“We can make decisions together,” I correct. “But, yes, a vacation will be good for you. But then we’ll come back to Sagebrush. We can start planning your Halloween Ghost Mine Tour.”
“Yeah?” His eyes are full of tender hope.
My heart breaks a little with how much I love him. “Yeah. Sagebrush is our home.”
“No,” Logan says softly. “Home is wherever we’re together.”
My laugh is a little watery. I swipe a hand under my eyes. “Okay, enough declarations of love.”
He raises his eyebrow.
“I mean, now show me.”
He exhales. “Yes, ma’am.”
Without warning, he twists and throws me backwards on the bed. I shriek as I land with a bounce on my back, the bed frame squeaking lightly. He crawls over top of me as I giggle. And then his lips are on mine.
His playfulness evaporates almost immediately as our bodies fit together, so perfectly that both of our breaths catch. “God, I missed you,” he nuzzles his lips against mine. “I missed every single inch of you so much it hurt.”
Hearing how much pain I caused him hurts me. It’s past time for some fun to help heal us. Luckily, I’m good at lightening Logan up, and I make a silent promise to both of us that I will make it my mission for the rest of our lives.
“Every inch, huh?” I cup my left breast and offer it up to him. “What about here?” I ask teasingly.
He smiles and immediately latches on, sucking my nipple through my shirt. The cotton feels wet and hot against my skin, and I shiver.
“And here?” I ask breathlessly and offer up the other.
“Yes.” He gives equal attention to the other breast. Then he’s lifting my shirt and trailing kisses down my abdomen.
“And I’ve missed your belly,” he murmurs against my skin. “And your hips.”
I raise them so he can pull down my shorts and panties.
“And how can I forget this?” His mouth hovers over me, and I can feel the warm air brushing against the most intimate parts of me. “Your super sexy, desirable…”
I’m quivering beneath him.
“Knee,” he finishes. He dips his head down and bathes my knee with his tongue.
I squirm in protest before accepting his ministrations. It feels unexpectedly good. Meanwhile, his fingers lightly caress my thigh, edging closer and closer to where I want him to touch me the most. Then the hand cruelly dances back and starts the process again.
“Logan,” I complain.
“Sorry, you’re right.” He turns his head and begins pressing open-mouth kisses to the other knee.
I laugh. “You bad, bad man.”
“I learn from the best.” He nips the edge of my knee.
“Baby, please,” I plead. “Enough. I need you.”
He stills.
I lift my head. “What’s wrong?”
“That’s the…” His voice sounds hoarse, and he takes a second to clear his throat. “That’s the first time you’ve called me baby. In seven years.”
“Yeah?” I ask softly. “Well, what are you going to do about it, baby?”
His answering kiss is scorching.
I can’t wait any longer. I reach for the condom on the side table. He presses me down into the mattress. Then he slowly slides into me.
It’s the most exquisite torture. I’m squirming, gasping, my limbs unable to stay still. It’s too much, too good. I’m desperate, writhing my whole body against his.
“Baby, don’t stop,” I plead.
“Never. I’m here with you,” he promises.
His words spark a flush of pleasure, and I detonate. I’m crying out, and he’s kissing me, tasting my ecstasy on my lips. It seems to trigger his release, and he groans and shudders above me until his body is wrung out.
For a moment, we’re both quiet except for our soft panting.
Then we’re kissing again. One bright flame in the undulating dark.