Chapter 8
LEO
“Iknew it was worse than what the article stated,” Ella says softly.
Her hand twitches, only inches from mine, and I fight the urge to grab it tightly.
I want this connection with her. Frankly, I need it.
I know this conversation is long overdue, but it’s making me feel stressed. Overwhelmed. Angry.
In an attempt to keep things light, I take on a laid-back tone. “Oh, yeah? What did you think happened?”
Ella’s eyes narrow as she maneuvers Violet in her arms to rest on her shoulder, patting her back. “I know what happened, Leo.”
“No, you don’t,” I chuckle.
“Yes, I do. I found out. Probably spent way too much time googling things. I know it was an IED. I know half the guys didn’t make it.
I know you were basically in a coma for quite some time before your parents even knew something had happened.
Honestly, that didn’t surprise me at all.
You were always pretty secretive about what went on in your job. ”
“Most of it was top secret, El. It’s not like I purposely hid stuff from you,” I say, irritation evident in my tone.
For the most part, Ella was always understanding about my lack of transparency about the Army.
OPSEC — Operational Security — was drilled into our heads from the moment we got off the bus at basic training.
Don’t give out too much information. Never talk about where you’re going, where you’ve been, or where anyone else may be. Protect the Army at all costs.
But there were times where I could hear the edge of hysteria in Ella’s voice.
When she knew I was going into a dangerous situation, and there was nothing I could say to give her any peace.
And I hated it. I hated worrying about her.
Not because it made my life harder, or it took my attention away from the mission.
It broke my heart to cause her any pain.
That was the only good thing that I could see about our breakup.
I hoped no one told her anything, so she didn’t worry. Blissful ignorance.
“Well? What happened, then?” Ella asks.
“Wrong place at the wrong time,” I mumble, keeping my eyes trained on the floor. I don’t want to get into this. I don’t want to go back to that time.
“Seriously, Leo? That’s how you’re going to play this? Unbelievable,” Ella huffs.
“I’m not talking about this. It’s in the past. Over. No reason to discuss it.”
“Well, that’s an incredibly healthy outlook,” she says with a bitter laugh.
“Ever heard the expression, ‘no use crying over spilled milk’?” I ask.
She glares at me. “You’re comparing a glass of milk to your friends dying, Leo. That’s not a normal reaction.”
I shrug, watching as Oliver smashes a bunch of Play-Doh pieces together. “Maybe if you walked a mile in my shoes, you’d see how my reaction is actually pretty normal.”
“I’d love to walk a mile in your shoes, but you won’t let me actually see anything,” she retorts.
I sigh. “This conversation is pointless, Ella. God, how many times have we been over this through the years? You wouldn’t like what you saw. You don’t need to know every detail of my deployments. Yeah, they sucked. It’s over. Move on.”
I hear her audible intake of breath. “You know what? I think it’s time you go. How much do I owe you for the light?”
My head pops up to stare at her in disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”
Ella stands, placing Violet in a jumping contraption next to the couch. “You did a service for me. Obviously you should expect to be paid for your time at the very least.”
“El. That’s bullshit, and you know it. We’re friends. Friends do things for one another to help each other out.”
Her eyes narrow. “We are not friends, Leo.”
“Yes, we are. Pretty sure you know me better than anyone on the planet.”
A flash of pain crosses her eyes before Ella schools her expression. I watch as she turns her neutral gaze to mine. “I don’t think I know you at all, because the Leo that I fell in love with wouldn’t gloss over what happened in Afghanistan. That man —”
I interrupt her as I rise to my feet. I take two steps until I’m toe-to-toe with Ella, my face only inches from hers, as I hiss, “Yeah, well the woman I fell in love with wouldn’t have broken my heart for no fucking reason. So I guess we’re both outta luck, huh, Ladybug?”
Color drains from her face, and I realize what I said. As I open my mouth to apologize, she shakes her head. “No. Get out.”
“Ella …”
“Get out,” she whispers. “I don’t want, or need, your help. Don’t come back here.”
“I promised Oliver I’d fix the dishwasher,” I stammer, humiliation vibrating throughout my body.
“I don’t care. I’ll figure it out.”
“I know you don’t like to get your hands dirty, El,” I tease, but her expression only darkens.
“Things change. People change. I don’t want to ask you again, Leo. Please leave.”
Oliver looks up as I pause at the door, waving happily at me, and I wave back. Poor kid. I kinda liked hanging out with him. But it’s clear Ella won’t see things from my perspective, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to hash through my final mission just to appease her.
Head held high, I stride out of Ella’s apartment without a backward glance.
Afew weeks later, on an unseasonably warm day, I’m relaxing in one of the large Adirondack chairs we have around multiple fire pits on the Everlasting property.
I’ve been cleaning up the property this week.
Lots of tree limbs, dead leaves, and various other debris are strewn throughout the acres my family owns.
While it’s not my most favorite task, it keeps me busy, so I do enjoy it.
But my leg is on fire.
I’ve lost track of how many surgeries I’ve been through on my leg.
There was so much shrapnel that doctors worried they’d have to amputate.
In some ways, I wish they had. Phantom limb pain is a thing, but there are some days where I’m in excruciating pain.
It is exhausting trying to find the right medication, creams, and therapies to help me get even half of my leg strength back.
I’m at least thankful it’s my left leg that’s injured, because it means I can still drive without issue.
This town is already too nosey, so if I had to be hand-delivered to every place I go, I’d hate it.
I don’t like being the center of attention on a normal day, so the thought of being the focus of the entire town because of my injury makes me want to curl up and die.
That’s why I drive to Denver for physical therapy.
And that’s why the follow-up surgeries I’ve had have always been outside of Colorado.
No one knows what I’m doing. Not even my parents.
I keep to myself, and as long as I get the work done that they need from me, I don’t feel like they have to know my everyday whereabouts.
As I reach down to rub along my scarred calf, a snowball hits me smack in the face. “What the fuck?”
“Oh, you deserved that one, jerk,” Gianna retorts. Wiping the wetness off my face, I open my eyes to find my twin standing six feet away, fists on her hips in annoyance. “What the heck is wrong with you? Why did you start something with Ella?”
“I didn’t start anything with her. Trust me. She about booted me out of her apartment, G,” I retort.
I look down to swipe snow off my shirt, and miss the second snowball sailing at me. It slams into my chest. “Dammit, Gianna! Stop that!”
“I didn’t mean you hooked up, asshole. I meant you just had to argue with her. I told you how much she’s struggling, and you had to make it worse. Can you ever just think before you speak?”
“I think before I speak most of the time, actually. Just seems like the two of you bring out the worst in me,” I answer, noting two more snowballs at her feet. “You prepped those before coming up to me? Cruel, Gianna. What a way to treat your injured brother.”
Gianna growls as her eyes narrow. “I’m pretty sure the last time I let you play the ‘woe is me’ card was a good three years ago, Sergeant. If you think I’m falling for that shit now, you’re incredibly mistaken.”
I shrug, bending down to grab a handful of snow from behind the chair. Smashing it into a sphere, I toss it up and down a few times, while nonchalantly watching my sister. “So, you’re here to bat for Ella? Protect her name or something?”
Gianna rolls her eyes. “Please. She’s an adult.
She can handle herself. She definitely doesn’t need me fighting her battles for her.
I’m here because you’re my brother, and you were an absolute asshole.
She didn’t ask anything the rest of us haven’t already asked of you. But I bet you bit her head off anyway.”
I frown, thinking back. Some of the afternoon is a blur.
I don’t remember what the problem was with the two lights that sounded off, or how I got Oliver settled on playing with the Play-Doh.
I know I shouted something, which is when Violet woke up, but I can’t remember what.
But I remember Ella saying she didn’t know me at all, and I remember viciously responding by saying she broke my heart for no reason.
Ella and I rarely fought in high school.
Even the first few years I was in the Army we did okay.
Around the time we both turned twenty-two, things began to change.
Maybe she saw that our paths seemed to be paralleling each other, rather than intersecting, or perhaps she knew, even then, that she didn’t want to move away from Eternity Springs.
Whatever the case, our fighting increased, and the number of breakups did as well.
“She wants details, G,” I finally admit, looking up in the sky as I drop the snowball. Closing my eyes, I exhale deeply. “I can’t go back to that time. I don’t want to relive any of it.”