Chapter 19
ELLA
Everyone thought I was crazy when I couldn’t seem to move on from Leo.
How if I’d only just “gotten back on the horse,” everything would be fine.
Whitley suggested one-night stands, dating websites, and even going to bars to find anyone willing to hook up.
She figured if I could have a few male-centered orgasms, I’d be able to get past my memories of Leo.
There was no moving past him. He’s been the only one in my heart since I was a teenager.
All this time, I couldn’t fathom being with someone else, and I naturally assumed he’d had no trouble finding women.
To know he couldn’t move on from me? God, I feel so much better knowing I wasn’t the only one struggling so much.
“Let’s go to bed, baby,” Leo whispers against my hair.
After cleaning up, we’d cuddled on the couch, chatting about our favorite memories from when we were kids.
Leo turned on the television for a bit, and I happily snuggled against him as he gently dragged his fingers through my hair. It was peaceful and perfect.
“Mmm-hmm,” I murmur, not moving an inch, making Leo chuckle. As I feel him shift to slide an arm under my knees, I smile, knowing he’s planning to carry me to bed. I let him, because there’s nowhere I feel safer than in Leo’s arms, and I know he enjoys taking care of me.
Leo lays me down in bed, then slides in next to me, pulling my back against his front, and I sigh happily. I went years without falling asleep like this, and the wave of peace I feel is so comforting.
Until the last moment before I slip into sleep, when I remember that I still don’t know how to tell Leo I’m carrying his child. The wave of comfort is gone, and I toss and turn all night.
“You were restless last night,” Leo comments, his voice nonchalant as he sips a coffee next to me at the table.
Oliver was so thrilled to find Leo here this morning, and happily ate eggs and toast with Leo while they watched cartoons.
Now, as I’m feeding Violet some infant cereal with pureed carrots, I avoid his gaze.
I know the even-keeled tone, though. He sounds relaxed, but he’s observing everything.
Taking in every detail to determine how he should react.
“It happens sometimes,” I finally answer. I’m not ready to explain why. I’m freaked about possibly miscarrying, and I don’t think I can handle hurting Leo by telling him I’m having his baby, and then ripping that chance away from him. Plus, I’m definitely not discussing this around the kids.
I’ve seen how great Leo is with kids. He was made to be a father.
It’s almost as if Oliver and Violet like him more than they like me.
Leo’s nieces and nephews flock to him, because he has this calming and accepting personality unlike anyone I’ve ever met.
I still haven’t forgiven myself for miscarrying years ago, and until I get to a doctor to find out that this baby is real, and I’m not likely to miscarry again, I won’t be telling Leo anything.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asks, his eyes intense as he watches me. “Seems like you’re struggling with something.”
I attempt to shrug nonchalantly. “Guess I’m just tired. Maybe you wore me out.”
“I highly doubt that,” he snorts. “That would involve lasting for longer than a minute.”
“I’m not complaining,” I reply, happy to have a change of subject. “I’d say we both enjoyed that minute.”
He gives me a one-sided smirk. “Practice makes perfect, right? I’ll build up to normal at some point.”
“What exactly is normal?” I ask.
He laughs. “Not sure. It’s been too long, and I’m old now. But I’m cautiously optimistic normal is longer than sixty seconds.”
“But if it is the norm from now on, I’m fine with that.”
“Good to know.”
“My Leo!” Oliver shouts, jarring both of us. I’m still not used to how loud Oliver is in the morning. He’s on the floor by the couch, playing with a box of Lego Duplo building bricks. “Can you help me play with my Legos this morning?”
“Only for a few minutes, buddy,” Leo answers. “I have to get to work.”
I watch as Oliver’s face falls, and my heart breaks a little.
This sweet boy is desperate for a father figure in his life.
I wish I was closer with my brother, and that he recognized how much his nephew and niece need him.
I hate that my parents are both gone, because I know they’d be the most doting grandparents in the world.
“Hey,” Leo says quietly, rushing to Oliver’s side. Crouching down, he looks Oliver in the eyes. “How about I come back after work? I was thinking I could make you guys dinner for a change, and I think I’ll need a helper. You up for that?”
“Really? I can help?” Oliver asks, hope blooming in his voice. Emotion fills my heart as I take in the picture before me, and it makes me fall even more for Leo. If this goes badly — again — I won’t survive it.
“Of course,” Leo replies. He smiles sweetly at Oliver. “Can’t lie to my favorite dude. I was thinking about making pizza. Does that sound good?”
“You can make pizza?” Oliver screeches. “I thought it only came in a box!”
Leo looks at me and winks. “Box pizza is really good. But every now and then, I like to make it fresh.”
“Do you member my favorite kind?”
“Extra cheese?”
“Yup. I like cheese,” Oliver says, grinning. “Can I go back to my Legos now?”
“Yeah, bud,” Leo says with a chuckle. “I’ll see you later.”
I watch quietly as Leo puts his shoes on, then places his dishes in my sink. “You still like sausage and mushrooms on your pizza?”
My mouth falls open in shock. “I can’t believe you remembered that. I still like sausage and mushroom pizza, but I’ll eat just about anything that I don’t have to cook.”
“I was thinking I could also make my Nonna’s bolognese for the two of us. We can see if Oliver likes it, but if not, I know he’ll devour the pizza.”
My mouth immediately begins to salivate. “I haven’t had her bolognese in so long! You know how to make it?”
He snags a hand around my waist, pulling me against him. “I do. And if I promise to cook and clean up, can I have a sleepover again?”
I can’t help the smile that covers my face as I giggle. “Are you bartering with me, Mr. Santo?”
His answering smile is easy, sensual, and borderline wicked. “Maybe. If I do a good job cleaning, can I dirty you up after the kids go to bed?”
Leo doesn’t give me time to answer, bending down to seal his lips over mine.
I sigh against his lips, allowing his tongue to slide in and circle mine.
Standing on my tiptoes, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.
His hand flexes against my back, and I feel his length grow against my core.
He breaks the kiss, moving his head so his lips are next to my ear.
“Behave, Ms. Langley. I promise we’ll have more time for making out after dinner. ”
“Auntie Ella,” Oliver whispers, making Leo and me turn toward Oliver. His eyes are as wide as saucers. “Why are you kissing my Leo?”
“Because I like him,” I answer simply.
“And I like Auntie Ella,” Leo adds in.
“Oh,” Oliver says, his brow furrowed in confusion, but he turns to focus on his Legos again.
“He’s gonna ask more questions, isn’t he?” Leo whispers.
“Oh, one hundred percent.”
“Good luck with that, Auntie Ella,” he jokes. “You working today?”
“Only for an hour to cover lunch. I take the kids with me. Whitley has Oliver greeting people. He thinks it’s a trip.”
“I’ll call you later. Six okay for dinner?”
“That’s perfect.” Leo’s eyes dart to Oliver, and when he sees Oliver isn’t watching us, he gives me a quick, but intense, kiss. I walk him to the door, and he cups my cheek lovingly, but doesn’t say a word. As soon as I close the door behind him, Oliver jumps up.
“I don’t like you kissing my Leo.”
Lord almighty. I pull Violet from her high chair, then motion for Oliver to follow us to the couch. Once Violet is situated on the floor, I turn to Oliver. “I’ve known Leo for twenty-five years. Have I ever told you that?”
“I don’t think so,” Oliver replies.
“He was my boyfriend for a long time, Oliver. I loved him, and he was very important to me.” I’m still learning how to explain adult concepts to children.
How should I get Oliver to comprehend high school sweethearts, why we broke up, and how life will now continue to involve Leo for the foreseeable future?
“Was it like how I love my mommy?” he asks.
“Sort of. Loving a boyfriend or girlfriend is different from loving a mom or dad, but it hurts just the same when that person isn’t there anymore. I haven’t been the same in the years that Leo and I have been apart. But I’m hoping things are going to be better for us now.”
“What if it’s not? What if Leo leaves like my mommy did?” His voice quivers on those last few words, making me scoop him into my arms.
“Oh, my sweet boy. Your mommy would be here if she could. She loved you and Violet so, so much. And if Leo were to leave like your mommy … well, I’ll still be here. And the three of us will continue to get by like we have for months now. Me, you, and Violet. We’ll be alright.”
“Are you gonna kiss Leo more now?” Oliver wonders.
“Would it be okay if I did?”
He shrugs. “I guess. You smile a lot when he’s here. I like your smile. Can we ask Leo to go to the zoo with us? I think I’d like it more if he came too.”
“We can ask him. We’ll have to plan it for when we’re all off work, so it might not be for a little while. Okay?”
“Alright, I guess,” Oliver mutters, his eyes dropping. I smother a laugh. Four-year-olds have no concept of schedules and time. “Can I go back to my Legos now?”
“That’s fine. We’ll need to leave in about two hours to go help Whitley at the bookstore.”
“Can we bring a kitty home for the night?” he asks hopefully.