Chapter 31 Remington
Remington
It’s late at the fire station, I should be asleep.
Instead, I am up in the common area with Lainey’s journals and my drawing stuff.
Our trip to the cabin was perfect and painful.
Perfect because we had so much quality time together and nature has a way of calming me like nothing else can.
Walker’s cabin was incredible. He definitely undersold his description to me when he said it was just a little place he used for a side hustle.
If he put some money into a couple places like that up there, he’d have a full-blown destination spot that would be booked out months and months in advance.
He told me he barely even advertises for the cabin.
The painful part of the trip was at the waterfall.
I felt like my soul was being torn from my body when Lainey opened up to me and told me about her past. If that fucker wasn’t already dead, I honestly would hunt him down and put him in the ground myself.
I hope I never have to meet her father because I have nothing good to say to Patrick Quinn.
I already had zero respect for the man, but after what I saw pour out of my beautiful woman that day—the absolute terror, the pain, the sadness, and trauma .
. . I wish I could put him in the ground, too for all the sins he’s committed against Lainey.
He may not have ever physically hit her, but his words, emotional trauma, and neglect left deep scars that will always mark her.
She deserved so much better, and I hate that I can’t protect her from her past.
So lost in thought and the sunflowers that I am sketching, I don’t hear Eli come up and sit down. I jolt and mess up my lines when he says, “So does Lainey know you are a little Rembrandt yet?” He casually kicks his boots up on the coffee table and puts his arms behind his head.
“Shit, you messed me up.” I huff and erase my mistake, blowing off the paper and starting again. “And to answer your question. No . . . She doesn’t know yet, and I’m going to keep it that way until this is done.”
“What about your drawing setup in your office at home?”
“I stashed it all away in the guest closet and can pull it back out again someday. We never really go in the office anyway. Lainey took over the whole dining area for her workspace, which was fine by me.” I use my pinky and blend the strokes I just made, bringing the flowers to life.
“She is going to freak out when she sees this.” Eli nods to the journal.
“I hope she likes it,” I admit nervously, reading the quote she wrote in the journal to accompany that day’s thoughts.
“A sunflower doesn’t compete with other flowers; it just blooms.”
Why does everything with Cal have to be so difficult?
I swear it will never get better if he refuses to realize that Dad isn’t a god among men.
But that’s right where he’s been our whole lives; serving at Dad’s altar.
Cal is the golden child—the one that will take over whatever they are “building” in DC that I want nothing to do with, no matter how much they push.
They hear me say no, but to Dad and Cal it just means that I am being stubborn or stupid.
Having a mind of your own, according to the men of the Quinn household, is like walking around with the plague, which they are determined to rid you of one way or another.
I will happily be sick the rest of my life.
I want to be my own person. Live my life away from them. That’s all I have ever wanted. Is it really asking for too much?
“Are you kidding me? It is romantic as shit, Rem. I have never seen you put so much time and effort into something like this. You also took the risk of exposing your hidden talent to the whole station to be able to work on it when you’re here, which I know you never planned on doing.
” Eli understands me better than anyone, and he also knows that my art was private.
He was one of the only people on the planet that knew I could draw more than a doodle on a bar napkin, let alone that it was a serious passion of mine.
“Well, this is important. And I guess being with her makes me feel brave enough to not hide parts of myself that I should be proud of. Cora always made me feel like shit for going after the things that made me happy, the things that I was good at. Hiding the whole drawing thing, I think that was just an automatic reflex from the damage she inflicted.” I stare down at the sunflowers, knowing that I don’t want to hide anything anymore, including my feelings for Lainey.
“That makes a lot of sense, man. I’m happy you found Lainey. She’s really good for you.” Eli claps my shoulder.
“Yeah, she is,” I easily agree. “Now we have to find you the right woman to settle down with.”
He lets out a rough bark of laughter. “Fuuuck, no! You might be all locked down and glowing, but that is not my path. I am happily on the single road and never getting sidetracked.”
“Sure, sure.” I decide to let it go, not wanting to give him too much of a hard time this late at night.
“Haven’t had any crazy Cora sightings lately?” Eli asks.
“No. We did the whole restraining order thing. Then when they went to her apartment she was actually there, which was a shock. They arrested her for the vandalism to Lainey’s car.
She has a court date and all that, but they don’t keep you locked up in holding long for something so minor,” I explain to him.
“They couldn’t keep her on any drug charges?”
“She apparently didn’t have any in her system at the time, and they didn’t find any when they arrested her. Doesn’t mean I think Rodger was mistaken. I definitely think she has a problem.” I rub my neck, thinking. “Still have no idea why she is trying to make me marry her. It’s creepy.”
Eli shudders. “Yeah, obviously she’s not in her right mind, who knows why she locked in on that.
I think her dad must be right, that she’s just desperate and trying to get to your money.
If Cora was willing to rob her own mother?
I can’t imagine the lengths she would go to for more cash.
She knows you were always responsible, you have the finance background.
It’s not like you are out blowing your money on stupid stuff.
But thankfully you and Lainey got the right things in place to keep her away and documented everything. ”
“Right. I just hope it’s enough to keep her the hell away for good.” I let out a long sigh. “Well, I think I’m gonna try and get some rest.” I stand up and head toward where we rack out when we are on shift.
“Hey, Rem,” Eli calls after me. “Anything you and Lainey need, you know I’m here for you, right?”
“I know, brother,” I say, the term tying us together in this station and in every other aspect of life.
My sister and brother-in-law have a cute blue Cape Cod about ten minutes from my house.
They live on a cul-de-sac, which is full of growing families.
It’s comforting that Sutton has a nice, safe area that she loves and has good neighbors looking out for her while Deck is gone, which is often.
His missions and deployments are not typical since he is attached to an elite, highly classified SEAL team.
Today we are hanging out here so that Lainey can help Sutton set up her coffee bar in the kitchen for the gender reveal she wants to have ready whenever Deck comes home.
She has no idea when that will be, so she wants to get all the little details “just right,” as she said, so that as soon as he walks in the door she can share the happy news that they are going to have a daughter.
I can’t wait to spoil my little niece and was thrilled for them when Sutton shared her happy news.
The doorbell rings and Sutton’s squeal of excitement can probably be heard from space. “My ears, Sut,” I say, sticking a finger in one and wincing.
“Sooorrry! I am just so excited. That should be Kendra and she has my mug. It is the most important part of this whole setup, Rem.” She rushes to the door, flinging it open to, in fact, reveal Kendra who encourages more squealing.
Lainey laughs at my pained face and says, “Let her be excited, this is a fun memory she is trying to make extra special for Deck. And Kendra has been working hard, too.”
“Yeah, okay,” I grumble, leaning on the counter and crossing my arms, waiting for the big mug presentation.
The girls all surround the island with the small box that Kendra has, the star item carefully wrapped in tissue paper tucked inside. Sutton is rubbing her baby bump and practically vibrating with anticipation.
Kendra gently unwraps an oversized cream-colored mug with a sturdy handle.
All over it, tiny hearts painted in various shades of pink add a delicate cheerfulness.
Turning the mug, the front showcases, in a bold, masculine font, the script that reads “GIRL DAD.” I can’t help the wide smile that spreads on my face when I see it.
Sutton sucks in a breath, and happy tears swarm her warm, brown eyes. She cradles the mug in her hands like a precious treasure and whispers, “It’s perfect.”
Lainey and Kendra swipe away their own tears and hold each other in a side hug as they watch Sutton examine each angle of the mug. Lainey looks up at me and I give her a wink, which makes her respond with a watery grin.
“The happiness in this moment is worth the squeals, I guess,” I say, breaking the bubble the girls were floating in.
Sutton rolls her eyes at me and says, “Oh, shush! You know this mug is ev-er-y-thing!”
“Kendra’s rubbing off on you,” I quip.
“Damn straight.” Kendra laughs.
The girls are in a fit of giggles when the doorbell rings again.
“Oh! That’s probably Mom,” Sutton says. “I told her all about this, and that Kendra was planning on dropping off the mug today. She can’t wait to see it. She is going to just die over the cuteness.”
She walks to the front door, mug still cradled in her grip, smiling with delight. We all watch from the open kitchen as she swings the front door wide, but it is not my mother that stands on her doorstep.
Two uniformed men are there.
“Good afternoon, we are here to speak to Mrs. Sutton Brooks,” the first man, tall, dark, and voice like gravel, states.
“That’s me,” Sutton says quietly, her hand hovering over her belly. “Please come in.” Both men enter, eyes surveying the room and landing back on my sister, focused and somber.
“Ma’am, on behalf of the Secretary of the Navy, I regret to inform you that your husband, Lieutenant Derek Brooks was severely injured early this morning on a mission and was reported dead at nine a.m. I am deeply sorry for your loss.”
The heart-covered mug slips from Sutton’s hand and shatters around her feet.
Her gut-wrenching scream fills the silence that echoed through the house after the officer delivered my sister her worst nightmare.
Her body falls to the floor in slow motion, and I can’t reach her fast enough.
The two uniformed men try and fail to keep her fragile body from landing on the broken ceramic shards.
The sobs that wrack Sutton’s body have nothing to do with the small cuts pooling with blood.
No, she probably can’t even feel those wounds as I reach her, and I wrap her in my arms, scoop her up, and bring her to the living room couch.
Her most penetrating wound is gaping open from her very soul, one that won’t ever fully heal. How can it? The love of her life, her best friend and the father of her unborn child, their baby girl, is dead.
Derek Brooks, one of my best friends, and the person that always seemed superhuman, would not be walking in that door “any day” to the surprise we were happily creating for him moments ago.
I look toward the kitchen and see Kendra and Lainey clinging to one another, crying.
I want to hold Lainey too, but I can’t let go of Sutton.
Her cries are so painful and raw. It’s a sound I didn’t know a human was capable of making and one I wish I didn’t know existed, especially coming from a person I love so deeply.
I want to carry this pain for her, wipe away the last ten minutes and bring back the happy squeals I was teasing her about.
But I don’t think that happiness will run through her veins anytime soon, if ever again.
There is another knock at the door. Lainey quickly moves through the kitchen and around the broken mug to answer it.
I look over, surprised to see the two men that came to notify us of Derek’s death still in the room, having forgotten all about them, as they stand there holding a silent sentry over the scene.
I should talk to them, but I don’t even know what to say.
Tears pouring down her face, Lainey opens the door to find my mother standing there. Instantly her smile falls when she sees how upset Lainey is and she says, “Oh dear, what’s wrong?” with one hand cupping my beautiful woman’s cheek and wiping away some of her tears.
“Renee,” Lainey whimpers. “It’s Derek.” She points toward the living room.
My mom takes in the space. The men, the mess, her children on the couch.
Her hand flies to her chest, then she rushes to us, and my arms around Sutton are replaced with hers.
Sutton looks up and sees that our mother is here and starts gasping for air, like she can’t get enough.
“Breathe, Sutton. Slow down, baby. Slow. Shhh.” My mom calms, rocks, rubs, and soothes her daughter until she is not gulping for air. I want to throw up and run out of the room all at the same time.
Fuck, why is this happening?
I turn around and find Lainey pressed flat against the wall, arms wrapped around herself and shaking.
Her eyes are wide and tears are flowing in a steady stream.
The men are speaking in hushed tones to my mom as she strokes Sutton’s back.
I notice that Kendra has found a broom and started to sweep up the broken mug, even while her tears are just as steady as Lainey’s.
But at this moment, my attention is on the one person I need in the most visceral way.
I stalk over to her, and we wrap each other in a hug.
My face finds her neck, her soft hair bushing her shoulders.
The sweet, honey scent of her shampoo fills my senses.
She is my safe place and exactly who I need to be with, what I need in this moment of sorrow—and I fucking lose it.
Sobs shake me to my core. And my woman just stands there and holds me, letting me fall apart, letting me feel every slice of pain this new reality is wielding.