Chapter 33 Remington
Remington
It’s been almost two months since the funeral.
Almost two months since we stood in the cemetery and buried one of the best men I have ever known.
My brother-in-law, a best friend, the man my sister was supposed to raise a daughter with.
We are all worried about Sutton and the baby.
She has been having extra doctor appointments, we take turns staying with her because she refuses to stay anywhere but her and Deck’s house, and we just pray that our showing up will be enough to keep her going.
I feel so fucking helpless, and it’s killing me.
It’s also been almost two months since Lainey has changed.
She is still my sweet, kind, beautiful woman.
But the sunshine, spark, and sass that bubbled under the surface is gone.
She is keeping me at an arm’s length at all times.
I know that she thinks she’s doing a good job masking the fact that she is pushing me away, but she isn’t.
And I know why she is doing it.
She’s scared.
Terrified is probably more accurate.
I like to think that I am a pretty patient man, but my patience is running out.
I have sat by and waited for Lainey to share her feelings with me, to come and tell me about her fears.
That hasn’t happened. After our trip to the cabin we shattered a wall that was so thick and impenetrable, one I never expected to breach.
Our relationship shifted in a way that could not really be put into words.
But the shocking death of Deck and everything that’s been going on since shifted our focus and has Lainey building a brand-new wall, one that I fully intend on blowing up today.
I refuse to allow her to sit in pain and fear alone anymore.
Lainey is curled up in her favorite spot on the couch writing in her journal when I get home.
Honestly, I am just happy she is here instead of her apartment.
She tried to make excuses to start staying there more often, but I know she sleeps better when she is here.
I used to get an enthusiastic greeting anytime I walked in the door—a huge smile, kissing, sometimes even tearing our clothes off.
Now, she looks up and gives me a tired half-hearted smile and says, “Hi” softly.
I remind myself of the end goal, trying not to let my frustration bubble up before I’ve even started a conversation I know she is not going to want to have with me.
“Hi, beautiful,” I respond with a real smile and forced enthusiasm. I stride over to where she is perched and pull out the flowers I had hidden behind my back. Her sad blue eyes widen in surprise when she sees them, a tiny glimmer flicking in their depths.
There she is.
“What are these for?” she questions.
“Do I ever need an excuse to bring you flowers, Lainey?” I remind her as she stares at them like they might bite her.
Jesus, this wall is thicker than I thought it was.
“They are unnecessary, Remington.” She tries to get up, but I don’t let her move away from me.
“Oh no, we are not going back to that bullshit again, baby.” She sucks in a breath and really looks at me for the first time.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
She is playing a dangerous game.
“I told you a long time ago that I was going to give you any and all flowers I could as often as possible. Unfortunately, I have been slacking on my deliveries, and I’m really sorry about that.
Things the past couple of months have been hard on us.
I wanted to get these, remind us what our priorities are.
” I try to take her hand, but she pulls it back.
“Your only priority should be Sutton and the baby, Rem.” Her words are like hearing another person speak.
I suck in a sharp breath.
“Don’t fucking call me that,” I say, no longer able to tamp down my anger.
“What?”
“You. Don’t. Call. Me. That.” I punctuate every word, trying to get my point across.
“Everyone calls you that.” Lainey rolls her eyes.
Fucking finally, that sass. I want to kiss the shit out of her sexy, pouty mouth, but I hold off.
“You never once have called me that, Lainey. Ever. It’s one of the things I love most. That you full-fucking-name me all the time.
Hell, I realized early on in our relationship that I have a kink for it.
” Her shocked face is taking me in, pink cheeks heating, and a blue flame in her eyes dancing for the first time in weeks.
“Why?”
“I don’t know. For as long as I can remember, everyone shortened my name and called me Rem.
Then you came along and used my full name—have always used my full name, and you fucking know it, too.
So don’t you dare sit there and call me ‘Rem’ acting like you are just anyone else.
” My breathing is heavy with frustration and lust.
Tears start to swirl in her stormy eyes, and I don’t want them to douse the flames that were just there, I want her to fight for us. I refuse to hold back any longer.
“Stop pushing me away, Lainey.”
She stands, crossing her arms, trying to protect herself, keep the truth of my words from touching her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Remington.” She emphasizes my name, as if proving her point.
“Ever since the cemetery.” She stiffens at my words, knowing that I know, that I see her better than anyone ever has, ever will. “You think I didn’t see it? That I don’t see you building new walls and hiding behind your fear?”
“I’m not!” she protests, even as a tear sliding down her cheek betrays her.
I step into her space and grip her chin.
“I will not let you do this to yourself, to us. I am right here, Lainey. I’m right here.
” At my words she falls into my arms and the tears she had been keeping at bay fall freely, soaking my shirt and baptizing me in her fresh waves of pain.
“It’s okay, baby,” I whisper into her hair.
“It’s not okay, it’s not,” she croaks. “It could be you.”
“It could be anyone,” I counter.
“No, Remington. You have a very dangerous job. Deck had a very dangerous job. You literally walk into fires and unpredictable situations constantly. I don’t know what to do with that.” The fear painted on her face and trembling under my touching is real, powerful.
“My job is dangerous, I won’t deny that.
But I can’t walk into it with fear. I have to go in with confidence in my training, my brothers, and myself.
” I pull up my shirt and point to part of my sleeve tattoo on my inner bicep with the script under the FGFD shield that reads “If not me, then who?” Her breathing stops as she takes in the words.
“Why you?” Lainey whispers, kissing the tattoos softly.
“It’s my calling, my life. It’s who I am. I can’t stand here and promise you that nothing will ever happen. I pray to God it doesn’t. But I refuse to not live, to not allow myself to love you deeply and fully because of the what-ifs.”
She sucks in a surprised breath. “You, you just said . . .”
“I love you, Lainey Quinn. Deeply and fully.” I capture her mouth as she gasps, not giving her time to respond.
I can’t. I need to let the words live in the world for a moment before she has a chance to refute them or deny them.
She parts her soft lips, and I deepen the kiss, giving her everything, telling her with my body what I desperately have been locking up for the past few months, trying not to scare her away.
Breathless, Lainey pulls back. She searches my face and says, “I love you, too, Remington. I don’t think I even knew what love truly was until you. And I still don’t feel like I am worthy to be loved by a man like you.”
I cup her soft, tear-stained face in my rough hands and make sure she is looking at me when I say, “There is nobody in this universe more worthy of my love than you. You were made for me, Lainey, in every possible way. My perfect fit, my missing piece. I will spend every day, until my last breath, making sure you know that you are the treasure of my life.”
There is no holding back the flood of her emotions that my words unlock within her.
Lainey flings herself into my arms and I catch her, hauling her up my body and holding her tight, kissing her neck.
Knowing that she has never been loved by her family is painful, but I am her family now.
I am her man, her lover, her protector. I will be here and do everything I can to let our love be more powerful than the fears and anxiety that whisper to her in the darkness.
I carry Lainey to our bedroom and lay her gently on the bed. Her tears are spent, and she is looking up at me with relief. She sighs as I kiss my way across her cheeks and bridge of her nose. Contentment and comfort flow through her limbs and she melts into the mattress.
“I love you,” I whisper, and she moans at my admission.
“I love you, too.”
Slowly, I strip the layers she is wearing off of her perfect body.
First her loose band T-shirt that was hanging off one shoulder.
It reveals a black lace bra that makes my mouth go slack-jawed at the sight.
I have never seen a woman as sexy as Lainey, and she doesn’t even have to try.
Next, I pull down her yoga pants and discover simple lace panties that match her bra.
My dick throbs at the image of my woman laid out before me.
“You are stunning,” I tell her as I run my hands over her body. She arches into my touch, and I know she missed our connection, our true connection, as much as I did.
“Please, Remington, I need you.”
“You know I can’t deny you when you beg, baby.” I nip her inner thigh and then rip her panties down her legs in one swift tug.
Lainey gasps, eyes blown wide with lust and wanting. She bites her lip, a lip I want to be biting. I lean forward and claim her in a kiss, nipping and licking. I suck her bottom lip into my mouth and grind my erection onto her needy center.