6. Eli
Eli
“You have a very healthy little girl.” The pediatric ER doctor on call today smiles down at the little baby on the examination table.
My stomach is in knots. “Well, um, we don’t know yet . . . if she is mine though, right?”
My whole life is potentially being flipped upside down, and he is telling me to just enjoy snuggling a baby that may or may not be mine, that was shoved into my life unexpectedly? Just at that moment, the five-pound-nine-ounce creature starts to wail and my heart splits open.
I can’t fucking stand it when she is upset.
I quickly wrap her back up in her soft blanket, scoop her into my arms, and hug her to my bare chest. I took off my navy-blue Fox Grove Fire Department T-shirt while we waited for the doctor to come in.
She is so tiny I can use one hand to cup her body and neck to me securely.
The nurse told me that skin-to-skin contact for a newborn baby was very important and would help her bond with me.
Did I want her to bond with me?
Fuck me. I didn’t know what I was doing, but if it made her happy, warm, and stop crying I would do literally anything. As soon as she settled on my muscled chest, it was like magic. She nestled into my warm skin and, fuck, a part of my heart too.
So tiny and sweet.
So fragile and dependent.
On me.
“That dad nickname we gave you at the fire station all those years ago is really paying off,” Rem jokes from the chair in the corner of the room.
I flip him off. “Shut up, dipshit.”
“You look like a natural is all I’m saying.” His compliment is sincere.
“I have always loved kids, babies. I have three little sisters. I know how to hold a baby,” I say with a little offense.
“I know that, idiot. Seen you with Kins a million times. I am just saying, if this baby actually is yours, Eli, I think that she’s pretty lucky.”
“Is it terrible that I don’t even remember much of her mom really?
I have been wracking my brain over that letter, her name.
Skylar. I had one hookup with her. Just like all the others.
I don’t repeat, you know that . . . they all know that.
” This is the first time I have ever felt any kind of shame or remorse over that fact.
Not that I wanted more with any of them, just, damn it .
. . Maybe if I hadn’t been such a cold, closed-off dick when it came to sex, Skylar wouldn’t have kept a kid—my kid—a secret from me?
Rem nods.
“All I can remember is she was pretty. Had dark hair, green eyes, and a nice ass. She told me she wanted to be an interior designer maybe, or something like that? I don’t even know for sure.
We had several drinks, lots of laughs, and it’s all fuzzy.
I took her home. Walked from the bar to my place, we fucked, and she left. That was it.”
I look down at the baby in my arms. That obviously wasn’t it.
“Did you remember to use a condom?” Rem asks, breaking my thoughts.
I snap my eyes to him, angry and agitated, and I say, “Of fucking course I did! I always wrap it up with every goddamn one-night stand—which they are all one-night stands.” I wish I could cover the baby’s ears for this conversation.
“Sorry, man.” Rem tosses his hands up defensively. “I just had to ask.”
“I had no clue what her last name was, Skylar’s, until I saw it written in the letter.” I look down at the baby sleeping on my chest.
She doesn’t even have a name.
I gently stroke my hand over her soft brown hair, and she burrows deeper into me with a content sigh, like my arms are her safe place. I feel a swell of pride being able to calm her and comfort her like this.
“Knock, knock.” Lainey’s soft voice comes from the doorway a while later. She is smiling cautiously into the room. Rem jumps up from his spot in the corner and rushes over to her, arms wrapping her in an embrace, and kisses her deeply like he always does. He’s so gone for her.
They step farther into the room and are flanked by Sutton, who has an overflowing diaper bag slung over her arm, and Kendra . . . who’s trying to look anywhere but at me. The girls were all together when Rem called Lainey, so of course they would all show up here as a package deal.
“Oh, Eli.” Sutton steps into my side and I wrap an arm around her. She slowly places a hand on the baby girl’s back, saying, “She is so precious. I forgot how tiny newborns are. We pulled out all of Kinsley’s things for you, and I can’t believe she ever fit into any of them.”
“That’s really sweet of you, Sut. Thanks, but we don’t even know for sure if the baby is mine. All we have is that note that was left behind.” I hazard a glance at Kendra, but her eyes are firmly planted on the floor.
“Well, I think she looks like you. She has your super dark hair, maybe she will have your eyes, but it’s hard to tell so soon I guess . . .” Lainey says, peeking at the baby.
She yawns her tiny mouth and wiggles, giving them all a better view.
“Oh my God! Eli,” Sutton exclaims from my side. “She even has your dimple!”
Sure enough, deeply inset into the side of her right cheek, exactly matching my own signature dimple, is one on the baby girl in my arms.
Looking back to Kendra again, she’s looking at me this time. Her chest heaving, trying to take in lungfuls of sterile hospital air. Her eyes, shimmering with tears, are bouncing between me and the baby girl loosely wrapped in her pink blanket. It’s at that moment another knock sounds at the door.
All our attention snaps to the doctor that examined the baby when we first arrived. His grin confirms what I already know deep in my bones.
“Results are in, Dad! That sweet little girl is yours.”
My friends all gather around me and the baby girl, whispering comfort and congratulations. But one person is missing. Kendra slipped silently out the door right after my whole life officially changed.