17. Kendra
Kendra
My date with Bennett ended with him trying to come inside and me saying no.
He left unhappy, and I couldn’t help but feel a little bad about it.
This is how my dating life always goes. I would meet a nice guy, we would go on a few dates, and when they would understandably want to move things forward, spend more time together, I would slam on the brakes, hard.
He wasn’t pushing for sex, didn’t say that was what was going to happen, but I could tell that if I had let Bennett Cross into my cabin last night he wouldn’t have wanted to just sit on the couch and chitchat.
We had been on a few dates, but I had yet to allow him to even get close enough to kiss me other than on the cheek in greeting.
I could see his patience wearing thin, even though in the beginning he assured me that we could take things as slowly as I needed.
They all say that.
Honestly, I would have just ended things with Bennett had I not already asked him to be my date for Lainey and Rem’s wedding in a few weeks.
Desperation made me take him as my plus-one.
I did not want to show up alone, especially knowing that Eli was sure to bring his flavor of the week along with him.
A text pings on my phone, drawing me from my disgruntled thoughts of Eli that would inevitably spin me up in a million different ways.
Lainey: Hey! Are you all set for the party tonight? Do you need any help?
Kendra: Girl! You are NOT helping in any way for your own damn bachelorette party. Sutton, Jess, and I have it all covered.
Lainey: If you’re sure . . .
Kendra: You just need to show up looking H-O-T
Lainey: Well the outfit you helped me find does look pretty good.
Kendra: Pretty good?! That is blasphemy to the power of my shopping skills and the killer dress we found you.
Kendra: Rem’s tongue is going to be on the floor when he sees you in it.
Lainey: Yeah . . .
Kendra: OMG you already tried it on for him, didn’t you?!
Lainey: Maaaaybe . . .
Kendra: AND he fucked you while you were wearing it!
Lainey: Kendra!
Kendra: Called it, you brat! Well at least I know my powers are still working and I know exactly the right dress to pick that brings a man to his knees. He better have gotten on his knees for you.
Lainey: KENDRA!!!
I cackle, alone in my kitchen, so proud of myself. Another text pings as I wipe a happy tear from the corner of my eye.
Eli: Hey.
What the hell?
Kendra: Yes?
Eli: I’m really sorry to bug you this early, but Wren is super fussy and I need to get ready to go. I have a meeting with my lawyer in an hour.
Kendra: Good luck with that today.
Eli: Kendra, please. Can you come hold Wren while I shower? She won’t let me lay her down.
Eli: I can’t just let her cry. It kills me.
Ugh. Why? Why does he have to be like this? He loves that baby, is so sweet, so naturally paternal with her. To the outside world it seems like he would be the last person that would make a good parent, but I know better.
I wanted to not like Wren. I wanted to feel absolutely nothing when he placed her in my arms the other day.
Numb indifference was what I was aiming for—and I failed miserably.
Her little body slipped into my hands and into my heart instantly, just like any other baby.
I love children, always have. But I knew that I needed to protect myself from getting closer to Wren.
Thinking she was cute, playing with her, and holding firm boundaries would be the only way to not carve myself open every time I had to see her.
Eli: Please. I need help.
He’s basically begging me. And how the fuck am I supposed to resist that?
Kendra: I will be there in 5.
Eli: Omg thank you. THANK YOU!